Curve Loading

Body Positivity and Confidence part 2

Digital drawing by Fate Photography

You’ve heard of ‘carb loading’ well I want to introduce you to ‘curve loading’. A little thing I made up. A bit of a giggle and kind of an F you when people say anything about what food I’m putting in my mouth. A girl needs to keep her curves maintained for heavens sake. If I want to eat a 6 pack of donuts then gosh darn I’m going to, geez I don’t do that every day so shut your judgy mouth Karen. Please don’t make me be held accountable for my actions, donuts make me weak at the knees. So, keep your opinions of my eating habits to yourself. That would be great, cheers.

Now, in no way do I encourage unhealthy eating as a way of getting curves {Balanced diet and exercise always factor in}. Everything in moderation. Be smart about what you are eating. Treats are fine, takeaway is fine, in moderation. That’s the key…. moderation! Yes, I eat donuts but not every darn day, and yes I totally ate a 6 pack one day. You know those ones you get at Coles with the coloured icing and sprinkles, omg delicious much. That was one time. One time!!!

I don’t know about you but I actually get cravings for healthy food more than I ever do for unhealthy foods. I love going to those hipster kinda cafes with the retro mismatched furniture that make unusual and ultra healthy delicious food. Omg so good. And now I’m hungry, gosh darn it. I’m no dietician so that’s about all I should say about the food side of things. However next time your eating a hotdog, burger, a salad, dessert or even a donut, any food really, take a pic and hashtag #curveloading.

Have you ever had one of those body scan thingys done? If you are going to get one done…. Please keep in mind those scans can not test fitness levels. I had one done and it was not a good experience (More due to the person doing the scan). After getting the results it put me in such a negative mind frame and took me a week to snap out of. I’d been working out pretty intensely for months and was fitter than ever. I was feeling so good about my workouts and my body. I felt fit and healthy but this cut me right down. The lady that did the scan didn’t know me and had no idea of my fitness level or what foods I was eating. All she looked at was how I matched up and compared to 100 other women the same age and height as me. She proceeded to tell me that in order to be healthy I needed to loose 20-30 kilos. I was shocked. 3 years of working on loving my body and she’s telling me that staying the way I am is not healthy. Loosing that much weight would put me back to my teenage/early 20s weight. Keeping in mind right now I’m a size 12 Aus (sometimes 14, depending on the style). That’s a huge amount of weight to get rid of. I was devastated and it made me want to give up on everything I’d worked so hard to achieve.

Not only would loosing that huge chunk of weight be a massive and lenghty process (of course doable) but what would my body end up looking like. Would I then be faced with loose skin and saggy boobs. Then I’d be facing surgery to repair that. Not to mention my mental health. Oh and all my costumes and pretty dresses wouldn’t fit any longer, hehe I know huge problem. I actually told her I was happy being curvy and this woman still stood there telling me that being happy just as I am was wrong. What the f@#king f@#k!!!! My husband actually said (jokingly…. I think…. yeah, yeah totally joking, he loves me) that he would divorce me if I lost that much weight. He sure does like my curves and big booty.

Thank the heavens my trainer pulled me aside and explained that the scan was only done to track my progress from then til a month down the track and that was it. A bit of motivation to train harder. She also explained that the scan can not test fitness levels and that I was extremely fit in comparison to many other women who are ‘healthier’ than me. Them being thinner and therefore being deemed healthier according to this scan. This did make me feel better but the hurt was still there. I didn’t tell this woman I wanted to loose weight or that I was unhappy with my body but she felt it necessary to tell me anyways. Lady all I wanted was to know how much muscle to fat ratio I had so I could see how well my workouts were doing. Just the print out of my scan to give to my trainer and a bit of an explanation of the findings would have been sufficient. No need to body shame me.

Shower shoot in my Pichitcha Gym shirt back when I did Muay Thai…. yeah I did that.

Larger people can be fit people. Just because you have some extra padding on your bones does not mean you are unfit. Same as being thin does not mean you are fit or healthy for that matter. Have you heard the term ‘skinny fat‘. Yep that’s a thing. Look it up. Saying all this, we all need to remember that you can’t judge a book by its cover. I may not have an athletes body but I’m pretty fit. I work out, I dance, I eat reasonably healthy, I don’t smoke and barely drink (Light weight over here) but a body scan will tell you I’m over weight and therefore deemed unhealthy.

What’s more important, our mental health or our physical health. This is a hard one. I guess it depends on the individual. For myself I find that when I feel good about myself I want to treat my body right. I want to eat healthy and workout. Loving my body as it is, puts myself in to a positive mind frame and inadvertently looking after it better. My body has birthed 2 babies and is pushing rather close to 40 and boy do I look darn good.

Photo by Michelle Hale Photography

It’s taken me so long to love my curves, flabby upper arms and thick ass thunder thighs that rub together (still trying to love the cellulite though). Omg how bad is that bloody chub rub. You know for years I thought I was the only one dealing with that, turns out that’s super common. Who would of thought. Always having to wear my sexy bike shorts, that I’ve named my ‘pantaloons’, under dresses and skirts so I can walk around in comfort. Not overly sexy but sure feels better than that chafe.

I’ll be damned if anyone tries to make me question my body again. Only I can say I’m unhappy, only I can decide what I eat and how much, only I can make the decisions about my body and lifestyle. You don’t like what you see, look away. You do not need to inform me of your opinions unless I ask for them. Keep your mouth zipped shut. I’m a happy, healthy curvy girl, deal with it.

Your journey to self love, body positivity and confidence is an ongoing progression. Learning to love what you see in the mirror, flaws and all takes time. Little by little you will get there. Don’t let anyone try to take that away from you, especially the Karen’s of the world and their judgy unwanted opinions about the shape or size of your body. Eat the cake (or donut) and enjoy it, just don’t eat a whole cake everyday. Remember moderation. Praise be to curve loading.

Love Delza xoxo

*please note that everything I write about comes from my own personal experiences and the opinions are strictly my own.

‘Curve Loading’ t-shirts available via my Etsy store

 

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BODY POSITIVITY & CONFIDENCE

Why is it so hard for the majority of us to love our bodies?

To most people I come across very confident and happy in my own skin. This was not always the case….

I won’t lie, it’s taken me the last 3 and a bit years to love mine and even now I still have days where I have a severe dislike for my body. That’s what we do though, isn’t it? But who taught us to think this way? Why is the first thing we look at in the mirror or in a photo is what we consider our ‘worst parts’?

I’m in my mid 30’s now and if I could go back and talk to my 20 something year old self I would give her one hell of a stern talking to, to put it lightly. I was a size 6 to 8 (aus sizing) and I told myself I was fat. I’m now pretty much double that size, being a size 12, and I’m so much happier. My thighs have always touched (just the way I’m built) and I’ve always had a round booty, does that make me fat though? I look back at photos now and can’t understand how I ever thought this {shaking my head right now}.

THAT’S ME WAY BACK IN THE 1990’S

I have so many ladies in their 20s that come into my salon complaining about their bodies. About cellulite (ladies we all have cellulite, to some degree), stretch marks (from growing in our teens, gaining weight, or pregnancy) and ‘wobbly’ bits (again a normal thing). Now most of these ladies are at least ten years younger than me and most have not had children. In my head I’m thinking to myself, hmmmm just wait til you are my age and have had a few babies. Then I say to them “you need to learn to love your body now, in 10 years time you are going to want to go back and slap your 20 year old self for ever thinking anything was wrong with your body”.

So, after having two babies in my late 20s I really hit an all time body loathing moment in my life. My body had changed, I had extra cellulite and stretch marks plus I had put on weight. All completely normal things that can happen when you have a baby. Then looking at pre-baby photos it really hit hard that my body was amazing back then and I took it for granted and hated on it, why did I do that, I’d give anything to look like again {sob sob}. It took some time from then to convince myself that I needed to learn to love my body because it’s the only one I have and I’m going to have for many more years. Accepting that I can’t go back to how it was but knowing I could work on getting it close to that I started working out. This was not the easiest thing to do with a baby, a toddler, a husband that works FIFO and a salon to run….. however I did my best. Oh gosh, just thinking now the things I did. When you are sleep deprived, have limited time and options, you do what you can.

Moving on, once I started to loose some of the weight and started feeling not only healthier but happier, I then started to feel better about my body. It wasn’t until a friend took me to see a burlesque show and planted the idea in my head that I could one day be on stage just like these performers. At first I was like no way in hell am I ever doing that. Flash forward a year and bit and I find myself signing up for a burlesque class. Completely out of my comfort zone and 100% crapping myself but guess what I did it and I never looked back.

A lot of people ask me “how are you so confident?” well this is where I finally found my body confidence. This is where I learned to love my body again. Burlesque has changed the way I see myself. It didn’t happen straight away but week after week I felt more and more confident. I’m not saying burlesque is for everyone or that this is the solution but it’s what got me out of that state of mind of disliking my body to finding a new love for it. My point is more about trying something new, something scary, something that pulls you out of your comfort zone.

Which brings me to the next big thing that changed the way I felt about showing my body in public. I know what you are thinking right now, I take my clothes off on stage, yes I do…. but I never go bare legged. I always wear stockings. Those darn thighs! This part of my body has been the hardest to find love for. No matter what size I am or have been they have always been ‘big’ and now at my age there is cellulite, more than before, and spider veins {insert sad face}. I have made so many excuses to get out of putting a bathing suit on for many years. I actually feel incredibly guilty that because of my own body issues it stopped me from enjoying beach days or going to the pools with my family and friends. Then this happened…. I was asked to take part in a body positivity photo shoot. Women of all different shapes, sizes and ages. I was so scared and nervous, not only would I be in a bikini but someone would be taking photos.

Big pat on the back to myself, I did it. I felt an amazing sense of accomplishment and felt so free from being so self conscious about my legs. A week later I got in my bathers, no makeup, messy hair and went to a water park with my little family and a group of friends and I didn’t worry how I looked or who was looking at me….. and I had fun! Yes, FUN!

Have patience with yourself, this isn’t an over night thing. It takes time and what works for one person doesn’t always work for another. Life is too short to hide yourself away. Don’t spend so much time worrying about how you look and just enjoy life. Believe me in 10 years from now you will look back with much kinder eyes and love what you see and wish you didn’t say such hurtful things about yourself. You are you, and you are amazing!

-Delza Skye xoxo

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