Burly Mumma

Miss Alyssa Kitt & I at Miss Burlesque Australia 2019 : Photo by John Leonard Photography

Let’s talk Burly Mummas …

Do you know what a burly mumma is? Have you ever heard of that term before? Do you have one? Ok, in all honesty I may well be one of the very few that use that name/term but I think it really should get used more often. A burly mumma is a burlesque mentor or in some cases a burlesque teacher, although I hear more people refer to their teachers as ‘stage mums’…. there are differences between mentors and teachers but either way you get the idea. Plus don’t forget there are ‘burly daddys'[OK, wait up…. how hot does that sound…. “that’s my burly daddy”] & ‘stage dads’ too, and of course there is also ‘burly parents’ and ‘stage parents’…. whatever the individual would prefer.

So what is a burlesque mentor? A mentor is someone who provides guidance, motivation, emotional support, and role modeling in on going one on one sessions. A mentor can also help with exploring characterisation, developing acts, and further education related to the burlesque world. All mentors work differently and uniquely. There is no rule book written about this. As of yet, that I know of.

I’m going to be super honest right now…. my burlesque journey started off in probably the worst dance studio out there (anyone that went there, knows what I mean). I was unfortunately very unaware of a lot of the in’s and out’s of the burlesque world, receiving the majority of any burlesque knowledge from only one person, that being the owner of the studio, who actually discouraged all students from interacting with the rest of the burlesque community (probably knew we’d all work out that she was full of crap and leave). I had never heard of mentorship, until it was offered to me.

Quick little back story as to how I found my burly mumma….

Whilst still at said studio I entered a burlesque competition that I was accepted into. Originally I was offered a place in the Perth – WA heat but when asked if I would be keen to take a spot in another state, I said yes, for 2 reasons. 1) I was happy to travel and met performers from other states. 2) I knew the owner of the studio would make it difficult for me to compete in my own state (which was 100% correct). Long story short, I chose Newcastle – NSW…. (And thankfully, I left the studio officially before the competition even started). That is where I would meet a burlesque artist that I absolutely idolised and looked up to. What a dream come true. Who would of thought that me giving up my spot in my own state would lead me on the path to finding my burly mumma. Sometimes things happen exactly as they are meant to. Some (me, I am some) may say it was fate.

Drum roll please ….

I am extremely proud to call Miss Alyssa Kitt my burly mumma [if you didn’t notice from the header pic] That’s right, Miss Alyssa Kitt! (for whatever reason you don’t know who that is, I suggest you go look her up immediately). She was one of the judges at the competition. I stayed after the show to speak with her, I mean c’mon, I’m in NSW and Alyssa is here, when am I ever gonna see her again. I also did her workshop the next day and after having those small interactions and conversations, she saw potential in me and offered me a spot in her mentorship program. I seriously couldn’t believe it. That was March 2018.

Alyssa & I in Newcastle, NSW 2018. When we first met.

Since starting my mentorship with Alyssa I have grown so much as a burlesque artist. I’ve taken the critiques and advice from her and it has helped shape my performances into one’s I’m now proud of. My ‘Joker – Miss J’ act was one of the most emotional acts I’ve ever worked on and the very first act I asked Alyssa to help me with. The back story to this act comes from a place of pain, hurt, and imprisonment (much like The Joker himself). Alyssa was able to help me harness the emotion and break free from the dark place in which it had manifested. This was an act that I needed to create in order to get through and over come past trauma, so I could move on and become the artist I am today. Almost every act I work on with Alyssa has such deep meaning behind it, which helps me to project that raw emotion on to the stage. This is something I feel I need, for myself, to give my character more depth.

Alyssa has not only helped me grow and progress as a performer and an artist in more ways than one but also many other performers and artists like Dollar Dazzler.

“I knew very early on that I wanted a mentor for my career, I’d always taken Burlesque “seriously” because I’d been a fan of it for at least 5 years before I even stepped into a classroom, so I knew if I was going to do it, I was going to do it right! I know I had other performers who had said in classes “get a mentor”, but I also was a very chronically awkward and socially inept person when I started due to years of social anxiety and also a rough time during acting school where I let criticism get to me rather than build me and help me grow. I was too afraid for a really long time to even ask someone to be my mentor because I was terrified of the possible rejection!”

“Alyssa and I have been friends since 2014 when I first met her during PIBF, and around 2016/2017 was when she brought me onto the museum. We already knew each others work ethic and philosophy about performance so we suited each other naturally. It wasn’t until I said I wanted to start looking for a mentor that she said she had a spot open and asked if I would like to take it! That being said, I wasn’t initially sure if Alyssa would fit where I wanted to go with my performances; I wasn’t looking to be just the “nerdlesque” performer anymore, and If i wanted something more like that, there are a few who I would be happy to mentor with. Turns out the future Burlesque Dr Kitt knew exactly what to prescribe me and its blossomed into so much more than I could ever have hoped with my friend, boss and burly mum!” – Dollar Dazzler

Alyssa & Dollar

Having someone that 100% wants to see you succeed and wants to help you achieve your dreams, was something I so desperately needed after leaving the studio I was at. Although it wasn’t all bad, it was for the most part an extremely toxic environment that had made me question everything about myself as a performer. The self doubt was at an all time low and I really needed that one person that didn’t know me before and also had no idea about said studio or owner. Someone who could see my struggles and uncertainty, and say “I’ve got you”.

“My mentorship is a way to help my students grow from the inside out in a loving and supportive environment – this can be from building a positive mindset, building self-actualised connectivity of the body and mind, building physical strength through exercises that support their body to be able to do the choreography that they want to do in their routines, through to dramaturgy of specific acts, developing characters and overall as artists that exist both on and off the stage. It’s all been based on my own experience in life through to education – be it history of burlesque, dramatic and theatrical theory, through to my passions of training at the gym, yoga and sensual self-exploration of sexuality. The work we put into ourselves comes out on the stage and my role is to guide this process.” – Miss Alyssa Kitt

Being a mentor is a lot about sharing your experiences and knowledge with another. The more you’ve done, the more you have to share, well for the most part anyways. Be realistic, if you’ve done one term of classes at a burlesque school, does that make you an expert…. yeah nah. Do classes, do workshops, go to shows, watch videos of performances, read, educate yourself, get out there in the community and learn, learn, learn.

“Teaching is a natural progression for many artists. I’ve been teaching burlesque since 2010 and naturally leant more towards working one on one than teaching classes (I don’t enjoy the choreography process for classes as I’m a very intuitive dancer). 

I found that many students would book in for a one on one for one hour to develop a concept or polish an act – there is only so much that can be done in one session. 

While one off sessions are great – they can be a brutal smack to the face of EVERYTHING that you need to improve an act and often I feel like that may leave students overwhelmed or lacking further guidance. Feedback, ongoing work, checking in and generally guiding the artistic process. 

The journey to making an act is a long one, with many ups and downs along the way. It’s important to take into consideration production timelines that fit into our own lifestyles and ebb and flow of creative energy. 

Sometimes motivation is high in the initial stages of inspiration and concept development, but wane when implementing production schedules and keeping the churning list of to dos along. – Miss Alyssa Kitt

I’ve been having regular (usually monthly) sessions for 3 years now…. wow time flies. When I said Alyssa has helped me in more ways than one, I meant it. From mental health to act development to choreography to characterisation to strengthening my mind and body. I’m extremely lucky and honoured to have someone this skilled.

You may be wondering the same thing I did, do mentors have mentors themselves?

“I have found that my own best acts that I have made have been worked on with outside eyes – such as my own long term mentor Lola the Vamp – who guided my burlesque journey from as early as 2009 – to guiding me into my PhD (she even wrote one of my letters of recommendation and introduced me to my supervisor, Dr Sean Frederic Edgecomb). While we speak less about what acts I’m making now, we do speak about autoethnographies of work, burlesque in cultural studies and queer theory. Lola is an endless source of inspiration to me even after 10 years. 

 Mostly – she is the voice that tells me that I’m on the right track, to believe in myself (which can be hard when we are our own worst critics) and KEEP DOING WHAT I’M DOING! I often find with a bit of guidance that we come to see these things for ourselves in time – but it’s so humbling to have someone that you look up to nourish you with their own knowledge as an icon in their field. Good teachers see the potential and help find a way of drawing that out. That’s Lola for me and I want to keep being this person in Australian burlesque for the younger generation of performers (not necessarily in age but years in the burly world – haha I’m only 32 but have been stripping since I was 18 – wowee that’s a long time to be getting naked on stage!)” – Miss Alyssa Kitt

Lola & Alyssa

Towards the start of this year I was approached to be a mentor. It took me by surprise. I was like me, really, me? Of course my self doubt kicked in. I originally said no, I didn’t feel I was in any way ready for that sort of responsibility. Good old self doubt, kicking me down once again. After possibly a good month or so of thinking on that, I decided that I do have a lot to give, a lot to offer, and if they are asking me then they must see something in me, after all they are asking me to help them on their burlesque journey. So I decided to give it a go.

“I wanted to find someone who’s style of Burlesque I liked. Someone who also would help me grow my style and not totally change who Mistress Mustang is. It’s important to note that I am still a baby in burlesque, but I do have a defined character who needs padding out but not a total change.”


“Once I had someone in mind [Delza Skye], I approached her and asked if she had any mentoring spots available. Remember not every performer will be willing to mentor and some will only have a few spots available. You must be prepared for a no. To be honest the first time I spoke to Delza about mentoring she did say no but was still very giving of advice and help. She really is such a selfless and loving person, but strong and fierce at the same time. We did do some work together and talked again about mentoring and came to an agreement.” – Mistress Mustang

Mustang & I at Ivy’s Winter Wonderland presented by Ivy Cabaret 2021

Being a mentor to someone is a huge responsibility. Your mentee looks to you for advice and support. Was this something I could do, wanted to do or had time to do. Also taking into consideration that giving advice and offering support is one thing but at the end of the day your students and/or mentees still are their own person and own artist, they have final say on anything they create and put on the stage. It isn’t about taking control of someone’s art, it’s about helping to try and build it into something spectacular.

“Honestly – I’ve never really done much in the way of promoting myself as a mentor because most of my students come to me – so in a way – they choose me! 

I am selective about who I work with though – firstly, I have to have a positive connection with someone and see potential, drive and commitment to the art that they want to produce in the world (or for themselves). 

…. so in short, potential, drive and a connection. Students often reach out to work with me because they’ve connected with me either on a performative level or through words that I have shared. 

I always want to know what it is that has touched them or what they see in me that they want to see in themselves. I’m lucky enough to work very closely with some incredible individuals around Australia and internationally.” – Miss Alyssa Kitt

Choosing a mentor can be tricky, they ideally need to be someone you connect with, someone you trust, someone you are willing to take guidance from. They also need to want to work with you. It really does need to be a partnership you both want or it may not work out. Personally I won’t work with someone that I don’t feel I gel with. Not because I don’t like them or don’t see potential but if the connection isn’t there I’d rather see them find someone more suitable.

I’ve been running my body positivity, confidence and inclusivity workshops for a while now and being able to share my knowledge and experience on the subject to help people on their journey of body positivity is such a wonderful feeling. Recently I was given the opportunity to teach (something I never thought would happen) thanks to Scarlet Bell Burlesque for offering me a position as a guest teacher. Being a stage mumma has filled me with so much pride and joy. I now, also have a few mentees, and being a burly mumma and being called Mumma Skye brings tears to my eyes (happy tears), something I couldn’t of even imagined way back when I started out as a baby burlesque student. Yes, I’m a very emotional person, can you tell hehe. I actually never knew I’d love teaching so much. Body Positivity, Confidence and Inclusivity is my passion and being able to see my students and my babies grow in confidence and knowing they are in an environment where they are accepted just as they are is what it’s all about for me.

My Intro To Burlesque students & I at The Bare Necessi-TEASE student show presented by Scarlet Bell Burlesque July 2021 : Photo by Vespa Photography

“Haha – I always laugh when my mentored students call me Mama Kitt (cause my own Mum is Mama Kitt). But having a burly Mumma and being one is being that person where your babies come to you knowing that they’re going to be looked after and cared for. It’s like calling your own Mum for support. I love my role as a mentor not just to my own students, but to the burlesque community.” – Miss Alyssa Kitt

Hmmm, are you now pondering the thought of getting yourself a mentor? Let’s be honest a rhinestoned costume and a dance background can only get you so far. Don’t get me wrong, there are some people out there that scream natural ability and talent (argh, fully jelly). Learning about burlesque on a deeper level is always highly recommended if you want to reach for a professional level. There is an abundance of knowledge and burlesque history to learn about. As I say when you think you know it all is when you stop learning. I, myself, know I still have so much more to learn.

“If you want to be serious about this, invest in your art, not just your costumes or your rhinestones! That also being said, mentorship is not someone dictating to you how to perform, its about working collaboratively together to see you succeed. Tell them if you don’t like something, or if you find the lesson they’re giving you is not right for now, then don’t be afraid to pay out the rest of the fees and find someone who does suit you. But a mentor who cares about you, will want what is best for you first and foremost before their own ego. Alyssa is most definitely someone like that for me.” – Dollar Dazzler

Now, you are probably wondering, how do I find myself a mentor? Well, not all performers and artists have the time to offer on going mentorship. Most have muggle jobs that take up a lot of their time. Some, however, will offer one on one sessions rather than an on going situation. Also many don’t advertise that they do mentoring. Best thing to do is to think about who you’d like to work with and contact them directly. Introduce yourself and let them know who you are and what you are after, they will let you know if they can help you or they may refer to someone else. Yes, I know, it’s scary to approach a performer or artist you look up to.

Also I really should mention this bit…. there are costs involved with having a mentor. Much like going to classes. These things cost money. Every mentor will have a different fee schedule and you do need to consider this before you start. Is it something you can afford. Depending who you choose, you do need to take into consideration that they may not be in your budget. Trust me though, they are giving you invaluable information that they have accumulated over their years as an artist. Just remember that before you have a possible heart attack at the fees. Also, don’t choose a mentor solely based on price either. Consider everything as a whole and also discuss with your possible mentor what your budget looks like. I know full well Alyssa goes far beyond just the hours I spend with her. There is much background work that goes on that is done outside of our 2 hour sessions. At some point, and probably still do, these artists have spent a huge amount of money and time on their own education in the burlesque world.

Another note worth mentioning…. just because you have a mentor does not mean you can’t still go to classes or have one on one sessions with other artists. You can still go learn from who ever you feel you need to in order to improve your skill level. For me, Alyssa offers just about everything I need but sadly she is not in the same state as me, and now not even the same country. I have done some one on one sessions with Bettie Bombshell and also classes with Miss Lady Lace for that face to face in studio time.

Now, I bet you are wondering how it all works if your mentor isn’t in the same state or country as you. The wonders of technology of course, Skype, Zoom or something like that. That’s right, you can choose an artist from anywhere in the world. Just be aware of timezone differences. For the most part I do sessions with my mentees via Zoom.

“Working with Delza has improved my performances and confidence 100%. She keeps me accountable and helps me to see the way forward. Whilst she is gentle and loving, she can still be strict and hard when called for. 

I now have a strong direction and my ambition meets my ability. The standard of my costuming has risen with her advice. I am more focused, and goal orientated. This year I competed and was a finalist in 2021 Apprentease Excellence Award, which I know without Delza’s mentorship I wouldn’t have gone quite as far.” – Mistress Mustang

Honestly, mentorship is not for everyone but if becoming a professional burlesque artist is something you truly want, then it’s something I do suggest you look into. Do your research and have a good think about the direction you want to take on your journey…. and then if you decide its something you do want to pursue, take that leap of faith, contact that artist you want to work with, you never know til you ask. Go on, do it!

Love Delza Skye xoxo

Forty & Fabulous

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME….

Oh my goodness, I’m 40!

Yes, you’re shocked too? Let that one sink in for a bit…. 40! Damn, I look good though. <pats self on the back>

Cake Smash shoot for my 40th b’day – Fate Photography

Wowzers, when did that creep up on me, I can’t be that age, I don’t feel that age. I went to write ‘old’ but replaced it with ‘age’, because guess what, 40 isn’t old. It sounds old to a teenager, sure, because that’s their parents age, but even my own Mum reminded me that 40 isn’t middle aged. Go figure 50 is middle aged these days, even that isn’t ‘old’.

Now, 40 years is a long time, I was born last century after all. Reflecting back on the last 40 years I realised just how much I’ve accomplished (and changed) and I’m actually pretty darn proud of myself <another pat on the back for me>

A quick flash back to my younger days….

Finished up year 12 at school, went straight to beauty college, then straight into work and within a year I opened my own salon. I even got engaged to the love of my life, my now hubby. All before turning 20. Yay, go me. <do a deserve a gold star, I reckon>

I then spent my 20s building my business, getting married, making our house a home and the best bit of all…. making two beautiful babies.

RMoving on to my 30s. The first half was me struggling to juggle being a wife, a mum and a business owner all whilst my hubby was away working FIFO. But I’m superwoman and got that sh%t done. OK, I cried and screamed a lot but I still got on with it. Then, after having huge issues with body image and becoming rather depressed over it and honestly the kids didn’t even ‘ruin’ my body but it was still different to the pre-baby body I once had. I found pinup and shortly after, burlesque entered my life. And that’s when I started to become ‘me’.

Who knows what sort of person I’d be now if I didn’t find those 2 things. Would I be a mum bun kinda woman, would I still be worried about wearing a bathing suit in public (or at all full stop), would I wear active wear everyday (that stuff is pretty comfy) …. meh I’ll never know and I don’t actually care.

I have really grown as a person. Would you believe I use to be extremely shy, like really full on shy, just ask my Dad haha, sorry Dad. I now have a voice, yep I’m loud haha, sorry Mum but I do take after you. I can go to events alone, I can even do public speaking and ummm I take my clothes off on stage whoop whoop! I feel sorry for my hubby, he thought he married a shy timid little flower….. bahahaha. I was told that the closer to 40 you get the more you stand up for yourself and the more you don’t give a rats ass about drama. All 100% true.

How many of you would rather forget about their impending big 4 0 bday and who would rather party like its 1981??

A few years back now, there was a trend going around about having a funeral for your 40th to say goodbye to your youth, oh I totally was going to do that…. but then something changed. I really thought about it and came to the realisation that I have a lot to celebrate, just because society says I’m ‘old’ doesn’t mean I have to get the rocking chair out and go to bed at 6pm. And just think about all the people that sadly don’t make it this far. 40 is not a funeral it’s a celebration. No matter what, we can’t stop the ageing and we to try to remember it’s just a number telling you how long you’ve been on this earth.

So, I had myself a massive party. With showgirls and burlesque performers. An expensive hotel room and a bloody fun after party <that’s for me to know about and you to guess about lol>

My Forty & Fabulous birthday party – Wild Kat Photography

And boy oh boy did I party like it was 1981. Please note: You don’t feel your actual age til you have to deal with a hangover haha. I was beyond spoilt by my friends, family and especially my hubby. I’m one lucky lady to have him.

and…. then the glitter crash hit.<insert sad music> It hit hard. The lead up to my birthday and being so up and down about the big scary number, then the huge celebrations all came to a crashing halt. The day of my actual birthday was the day I said goodbye to one my besties (how dare she move to another state, rude much) and my hubby went back to work the next morning. I then felt alone and with nothing to look forward to. I know, drama city right here. I know what your thinking, get a grip woman. I know, I know <palm to face> My depression and anxiety started creeping in and I was up and down, all over the place. My husband, unfortunately copped the hurricane, tsunami, and earthquake that was me, ‘The Attack Of The 40 Year Old Woman’! Turning 40 is all fun and games til the party is over and you are left to ponder the sheer fact that you are now 40. I can’t even explain it, but I went a little crazy there (just a little bit). I’m a very emotional person, that’s just me, and I feel things on a whole other level but this was a roller-coaster I really didn’t like being on. Like the one in Final Destination 3. That kinda roller-coaster. You can see it’s all going to go to sh%t but you can’t make it stop. So, my deepest heartfelt apologies to my dearest husband. I’m seriously lucky he didn’t serve me with divorce papers. I love you darling.

I’m OK, now. It’s all good, I’m superwoman remember (so I tell myself).

I turned 40 and survived. Gold star for me! Lol

Far out, why is flicking over into another decade, another age bracket so darn scary and why do we even want to hide our age. Is it the pressures of society saying you’re ‘old’, you should have done this, this and this by now, you should grow up, you should act a certain way. Screw you society, I do what I want. <insert middle finger>

Personally, I’m pretty impressed with myself. I don’t look 40 (what does 40 look like, deep in thought now). I have looked after my skin very well and as a result do look younger than I am. So, everyone listen up, if I offer you skincare advice maybe you should listen. I think I’ve proven that I know my sh%t.

I actually achieved a goal I’d set myself. Get to 40 without crowsfeet (the wrinkles around the eyes), no botox and no fillers. Ta Da, I did it. So again, if you are looking for skincare advice, hit me up. Saran Pike Beauty <wink wink> Actually I’ve accomplished a heck of a lot and I am living a life that not only am I happy with but I’m proud of and I can’t wait to tell my great grand kids about all the adventures their Grammy (that’s going to be my name when I become a grandmother) has had. But…. there’s much more adventures to be had before then.

FORTY!!! Don’t be scared (and don’t go crazy like I did). Embrace it, you are not ‘old’ you have just been on this earth longer than others. Look after yourselves, eat well, exercise and go on adventures, live life and plan to get that letter from the King when you hit 100. Your age is literally just a number. Don’t worry about all those noises your body makes, you know the cracks and moans, it makes as the number rises. Just enjoy the roller-coaster, not the final Destination one, the Disney Land one, the scary but fun one. Oh, and eat the cake.

Love Delza xoxo

PS you are never too ‘old’ for anything, full stop.

Waxing 101

Everything you need to know or ever wanted to know about being waxed, preparation and after care from yours truly, hooha waxing extraordinaire.

I’ve been a qualified Beauty Therapist and salon owner for over 20 years now and specialise in all things waxing. I’m some what of a Brazilian wax expert you might say.

Number 1, Yes it hurts! I’m not going to lie, it hurts…. c’mon your body hair is being ripped out from the root, it isn’t going to tickle…. but there’s a difference between ‘normal’ pain from waxing and being tortured by someone who is not the greatest waxer out there. There are techniques learnt from going to beauty school and also from on the job training that really make a huge difference to the level of discomfort.

So what does it feel like then, well certain areas like legs sting like a bandaid being ripped off, whilst underarms and bikini line have a deeper more intense pain. None the less the pain is fleeting. It hurts for the second that the hair is ripped out then it’s over.

How to avoid unnecessary pain

  • Make sure you go to a qualified professional.
  • Listen to your Beauty Therapist when they ask you to move your leg a certain way or hold your skin a particular way.
  • Attempt to resist fussing about and moving out of position. Pulling your leg in when it needs to be bent out during a bikini wax or screwing up your face when having your brows done can cause bruising and/or skin peeling if your therapist is unable to pull the wax off correctly.
  • Avoid waxing whilst you are on your period or are unwell. Your pain threshold is already pretty maxed out.
  • Always inform your therapist of any medications or illnesses. Some medications can make your skin extremely sensitive.
  • Trim the over grown areas.
  • Wax regurally. On average your waxing needs to be done every 4-6 weeks. Don’t leave it too long between appointments.

Preparing for your waxing session

  • Firstly, shower before your appointment and avoid moisturising directly before your appointment.
  • If you are having your intimate areas done (bikini and/or bottom area) use the baby wipes that are provided in the salon. Yes, use them. A quick freshen up is very much appreciated. And because I know you are all wondering, Yes I’ve had times where a client has not wiped correctly. Yep, glamorous job right.
  • Exfoliate the day of or night before. Really, exfoliate everyday but we will get to that.
  • Trim intimate areas. That’s right, if you have an over grown forest growing down yonder please trim it. I am not a hairdresser and will not be trimming your pubes. Tip : scissor over comb, you really don’t want to cut that area…. ouch! Trim down to approx 5-10mm as a general guide.
  • I know of some clients taking a some pain relief prior to their appointment to help with the pain but I’m unsure if that is effective or not.
  • Don’t wear your super expensive pretty under garments to have your bikini waxed, your therapist can’t guarantee that wax won’t get on those pretty knickers.
  • If you are more comfortable leaving your underwear on during your intimate areas being waxed that is totally fine, we can work around that. It’s good to have a g-string that is for waxing appointments. One that you aren’t too bothered about possibly getting wax on.

After care advice (read this carefully, it’s important)

  • Exfoliate!!! – exfoliate everyday (except directly after your wax). Yes, every day! With an actual waxing loofah not those bloody mesh balls that you apply body wash with. Exfoliating will help to remove dead skin cells allowing the hair to grow through freely and not become ingrown. Be warned I’m one of those therapists that will attack those ingrowns.
  • Moisturise – keep your skin soft and nourished. This will also help with ingrown hairs.
  • Use an ingrown hair treatment if you have been recommended it. There’s a lot of not so great products out there but there are some amazing products that actually do work. Hit me up. I have found the stuff that works. Seriously I have the stuff.
Examples of what to use and not use to exfoliate: I sell the riffi mitts. They are amazing… strong, durable and effective. Contact me if you wish to purchase one

More tips and frequently asked questions …. the things I get asked rather often

  • Yes, you can still get waxed whilst you are on your period. If you are having your intimate areas waxed use a tampon and tuck the string between the labia folds to ensure it is out of the way of the wax. Have you heard of the urban legend about the tampon string getting stuck in the wax and being ripped out. Yeah, not pretty at all.
  • Yes, you can get waxed whilst pregnant. Your therapist will be able to position you comfortably and correctly to avoid you rolling onto your belly but still being able to get all the areas.
  • If you have sex before your appointment please clean yourself up (baby wipes, use the baby wipes). Yes, I’ve had clients lay there with cum dribbling out. I love my job (smiling awkwardly).
  • If you have any piercings, especially on intimate areas, tell your therapist. Sometimes they aren’t that obvious or visible….. another urban legend right there. Use your imagination on that one. Wax vs piercing = f$%king ouch!
  • Can your partner watch? If that’s something you really want to do I personally don’t have an issue with it (always check with your therapist though) but make sure they know to stay out of the way so your waxing can be done in a timely manner.
  • How long does the hair need to be? You’ll be surprised, not very long. At least 3-5mm is a good length for most areas. I’ve been a waxing professional for a long time now, so I can get them out pretty short. You do not need to wait til you have turned into a yetti to be waxed.
  • You’ve been shaving for ever, no worries you can start waxing. It will take approximately 3-5 waxing sessions to start getting the hair into a good cycle of growth pattern for optimal results. Shaving can cause hair to grow at different rates and also the hair to become thicker over time. Waxing will weaken the hair and will reduce growth, thickness and amount.
  • I waxed my lip once and it made it hairier…. no, it didn’t make it hairier (palm to face). The hair was gone for a short while, then it grew back and you realised how hairy it actually was. Waxing does NOT make you hairier!
  • If you are being waxed for the first time, a little bit of advice, go to someone who has been working in a salon for some time and knows exactly what they are doing. Yes, everyone needs time to perfect their skills but do not get your waxing cherry popped by a trainee. Trainees are best to work with seasoned waxers not newbies who are scared and will jump all over the place with each rip. This will stress both client and therapist out unnecessarily.
  • Why am I so hairy? Every one has different types of hair growth. This can be due to number of factors including genetics, hormones, illness, disorders etc. Every one is different. Never be worried about how much hair you have or don’t have for that matter.
  • No, your therapist is not perving on you and looking at all the bits you are selfconcious about. Yes, we see your body parts that are being waxed but believe it or not we are looking at the hair that we are removing and that’s it. This is why I mentioned about the piercings, we aren’t starring at your hooha that full on that we have noticed these things. Plus we see naked bodies on a daily basis so we’ve kinda seen it all before. We are not their to judge your wobbly bits, we are there to remove unwanted hair.
  • Why do people get their butt hole waxed? Simple, there is hair there…. Yes, there is, deal with it. 100% your choice to remove or leave but trust me if you are being intimate with someone and the lights are on they are going to see it. Keep that thought in mind next time your therapist asks “all off including bottom?”.
  • You make it look so easy, maybe I could do my own. For the love of all things holy and not, DO NOT try this at home. Do you have any idea how many times someone has told me horror stories about home waxing jobs. Oh lordy, seriously by the time you purchase good quality wax, a wax pot and then the time it takes you to wax yourself you are better off paying a professional. Plus not to mention the bruising and skin ripping you will inflict on yourself because you darling are not qualified in this area of expertise. I’ve had not 1 but 2 clients tell me about trying to wax their kitty and not being able to get the wax off, then jumping in a hot bath thinking the wax will dissolve some how and sticking themselves to the bottom of the bath tub. Yep, 2 people did that. That’s 2 people that I know of.
  • My friend does waxing but is it weird that they know me and they will see my naked body. As long as your friend is actually qualified then there is no reason to feel concerned about them seeing your body. They are a professional and have ethics. They will not judge you or tell all your mates what your hooha looks like.
  • Do you really feel like an under paid Sex Therapist and/or Psychologist? Yes, 100%…. most clients feel comfortable enough to tell you almost anything and will ask your advice. Really, when you think about it, we are far cheaper than actual qualified Sex Therapists and Psychologists with PhDs.
  • Do people really get everything waxed? Yes, sure do. All body parts can be waxed. So yes, breasts, nipples, nose, back, butt hole, full face etc are all on the list.

Ok Wow, that’s a lot of information. Rest assured with a professional, fully qualified Beauty Therapist you are in safe hands. Choose someone you feel comfortable with. I always try my best to make all my clients feel welcome, comfortable and safe. Waxing can be a scary thing for a lot of people, so trust is a huge thing. Ask questions, that’s what we are there for. Trust me anything you may be too embarrassed to ask, we have already heard it all before.

Now, go get those hairs ripped out.

Love Delza xoxo

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF KIDS

Please note : this is not an advice article. Everything written comes from my own personal knowledge, thoughts and experiences.

When it comes to children, we all know they kinda tell it how it is. No holding back on the truth of things. They say exactly what they are thinking (especially the younger kids) without a second thought. But as kids get older they learn what you say out loud and what you keep to yourself, something parents and care givers usually teach or at least should be teaching.

As much as we (well, most of us) teach our kids to be honest, to be polite, to be respectful…. there is still things that seem to get forgotten about. Ask yourself, really ask yourself, are you teaching your kids about being kind to others even if they don’t like someone, or if someone looks different, has a disbility, or may be less fortunate than you? Really… Are you? Now think about what sort of things you say… Are you, yourself, making comments (or even jokes) about people’s weight, colour, disability and even sexuality? Hey, we’ve all done it at some point, don’t for a second act like you haven’t…. mostly just as a little joke, not intentionally trying to be an awful person but as adults we really do need to be mindful of what we say in front of children. As the saying goes “monkey see, monkey do”.

I won’t sit here and say my kids are perfect little sweethearts, but I will 100% say that I openly talk to my kids about bullying, racism, body shamming, gender and sexuality. No matter what, I have always taught my kids to be kind to others, even if they are not fond of someone for whatever reason…. be kind no matter what colour their skin is, if they have a disability (physical or mental), if they identify as a certain gender or what their sexuality is, even their body shape or size. There is absolutely no reason to be nasty to anyone just because. Bullying and being a complete a-hole is a choice.

I am utterly shocked that bullying is still so bad, especially with so many schools claiming they have a zero tolerance to bullying. Although, this world is a cruel place and people are becoming more and more arrogant and selfish, honestly why am I shocked. Yes, social media has a huge part to play in a lot of the bullying. They are the gutless wonders that hide behind a keyboard. Sitting at your computer and bullying someone is pretty petty to be honest. But there is still so much bullying going on all day everyday in schools directly to another kids face. Some kids can’t even walk from class to class without being harassed. Many of my friends and clients tell me stories of incidents involving their kids being badly picked on, bullied and even getting into fights.

Seriously though these behaviours must be being learnt in the home. In some homes at least and then those kids are projecting it onto their friendship group and the end result being a bunch of nasty bullies. At what point does a child go from saying things out of pure innocence and honesty to becoming just plain down right mean. Thinking that being nasty to another person is ok. Kids making other kids lives hell. And all for what…. Does it make them feel good to make someone else feel so crap. Do you think it makes you ‘cool’ or popular because you are a nasty so and so. The worst thing is that adults can be just as bad. Far out some of the school mum’s are pure evil. Ladies Bitches, we left high school 10+ years ago, get a life.

Lately I’m hearing that body shamming is a big deal (no pun intended). What the frigging heck! Young kids calling class mates ‘fat’. Being a huge advocate for body positivity, confidence and inclusivity this really makes my blood boil. What the bleeping bleep are parents saying in front of their kids for them to think body shamming is ok. Listen up people, body shamming is not ok at any age. Heck, bullying is not ok at any age!!!!

With the body positive movement becoming bigger and bigger how on earth are kids even picking up on calling anyone ‘fat’. Every single person in this world is unique and different. All of us are different shapes and sizes…. even if we all did the same exercises and ate the same food, we would still be different shapes and sizes. It’s called genetics. Look it up.

Then there is the whole bullying kids about their sexuality, calling other kids gay, as if it’s such an awful thing to be gay. Like seriously, it’s 2020, are we still not past this being so taboo. Grow the feck up people. Who gives a flying F if you like men, women or trees. Love who you want to love.

I’m so beyond fired up over this. Yes, bullying will happen no matter what we do but it needs to be stopped the second it starts. Schools need to stick to their ‘zero tolerance’ pledge and actually sort these bullies out immediately. I’ve heard from friends of mine that their kids school have some kids on sucide watch at school due to such severe bullying. Now that is so messed up. But it’s reality, kids are killing themselves due to bullying. That’s right, this is F*%KING serious!

I honestly don’t have the answers to resolving this but we can all work together to educate our children about bullying. Speak to your kids openly about all topics. Let them express their opinions, allow them to speak honestly to you. Talk about issues of racism, body shamming, sexuality. Having these discussions could help prevent a lot of nasty behaviour in the future.

Parents (and care givers) open your gosh darn eyes and ears. If another parent or even a teacher approaches you about your child possibly participating in any kind of bullying for feck sakes listen. Don’t get your back up and go straight on the defense. Act like an adult and take on board what is being said and then go and speak to your child about the issue. Teachers, you need to listen too and take bullying claims seriously. We know a lot of you are doing an amazing job, praise be, and we know it’s not an easy job. Unfortunately there are a lot of teachers who just don’t care or can be bullies too. Yep, it happens.

I had an issue with a parent about 4 years ago now. I asked this mother if I could speak to her about a problem our 2 kids were having. This other kid wouldn’t allow my son to play with her or the other girls (one being his best friend at the time) because he was a boy. No other reason than the fact he has a penis, basically. I was very polite. Even down played just how much my son was upset over it because I didn’t want to upset this mother. I thought the conversation went well…. nope, she then went straight to my friend and claimed I had been rather nasty to her and her daughter which then caused me to become pretty peeved off and then I got my back up, feeling as if I needed to then defend myself. Why on earth did I even try to be nice, why did I down play my son’s feelings. I was livid. Should of just punched her in the face right there and then for pulling that kind of f*%kery. But that’s not being a good role model for my kiddies is it just.

Moral of the story…. attempt to be nice and discuss with other parents and if they don’t want to listen then go directly to the school. If they don’t listen then shoot, I don’t know. Teach your kid how to fight…. I don’t know. Parents just darn well listen and calmly between you attempt to sort things out.

Were you bullied in school? Or were you the bully? If you could go back and redo school, would you behave differently? If I’m to be really honest, I dare say I was nasty and hurt someone during my time at school. I know I saw some awful stuff done to others that I didn’t stop. I wish I could go back and change it but I can’t. All I can do now is talk to my own kids and teach them to be kind human beings.

“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see” – Mark Twain

Please!!! For the love of all things holy and not, talk to your children regularly. Not only about any bullying issues but also check in on them. How are they doing, are they having any issues at school, are their friends going ok. Let them know they can talk to you. Let them know they can openly and safely speak about anything. Also, if you suspect your kid could be the bully then nip it in the butt right then. We can’t change the world over night but we can sure as heck start chipping away at it. It cost nothing to be kind and teaching your kids that, could save another child from living out a torturous nightmare at school, that could potentially have long last effects continuing into adulthood.

Now, go talk to your kids.

Love Delza xoxo

Stripped Back

As a performer you have a whole other persona to your everyday muggle reality. No one, but your nearest and dearest, see the ‘real’ you…. and really, they are the only people you want seeing the real you, anyways. Your real life should remain a mystery to the general public, for the most part. Therefore most people will never see the emotional rollercoaster ride you go on as a performer. From the joy of being asked to perform in a show or being accepted into a competition or festival all the way to the flip side of things…. the downward slope of self doubt and constant mind games you play with yourself, “am I good enough, no I’m not, yes I am, no I’m not”… to the sadness and some what hurt that comes from rejection. That dreaded email that says “unfortunately, you were not successful”. Not to mention the endless hours of creating an act, rehearsals, costuming, rhinestoning and the list goes on. There is a serious amount of actual blood, sweat and tears that goes into each act. Honestly, go ask the performers competing in Miss Burlesque Australia.

Being a performer and putting yourself out there can be hard. You are putting your art on stage for all to see, and believe it or not there will be judgey eyes on you. Oh yes the judging and the critiques you don’t ask for. Common courtesy people, unless a performer asks specifically for your input or opinion, please keep it to yourself. Burlesque as an art form is all subject to interpretation. There are so many different genres and styles of dance and theatre that come under the umbrella of burlesque, which can make it even harder to put yourself out there and be understood. Especially to the general public that immediately think burlesque is just like the movie ‘Burlesque’ <insert palm to face>. In answer to that …. best said by Miss Alyssa Kitt herself “jazzy… just like the movie… except a lot more filth and less money!”.

The emotional rollercoaster is a huge juggling act. Trust me if you are judging me, you can bet your ass I’m judging myself far harsher than you ever could. I’ve had panic attacks, sleepless nights and even made myself sick over thinking and worrying about an act and what people think of it and me. A lot of which, for me, stems from a rather toxic environment that I started my burlesque journey in. Although now, having an incredible mentor, a beautiful burly fam, an amazing husband and supportive friends/family to help keep me focused and bring me back down to earth, when I’m spiraling into a full on self doubt tornado keeps me pushing towards my goals.

So many people see me as a happy go lucky person, a poised pinup, a confident woman and yes for the most part that is me. What you don’t see is the pain behind my eyes, the anxiety, the self doubt, the worry, the longing for acceptance…… and you aren’t meant to see it, Delza isn’t any of that. She is fierce, confident and tenacious. But muggle me carries all the troublesome aspects and the raw emotions. Hidden well behind winged eye liner and red lipstick. Would you believe, on the days I don’t have my wings and red lips I actually get questioned pretty often by people “are you ok”? ….”You don’t look yourself today”. Wow people, can’t a girl have a day off and enjoy a nude lip for a change. I don’t always need my wings sharpened ready to cut someone. Geez!

With COVID-19 upsetting just about everyone’s lives, I found that it has bought on a lot more emotion than I would normally deal with. I am naturally an emotional person and wear my heart on my sleeve, so you can imagine just how much more emotions I was dealing with. Before the pandemic hit Australia with a big smack in the face, I was full steam ahead, busy working on shows and acts and then…. <insert stop sign> it all just stopped. And not just for me, that’s for almost every single performer out there. Cancellations of every show I was booked for, the New Zealand Burlesque Festival that I had been prepping for, cancelled. Which hit me really hard. I found myself in limbo. Nothing to work towards, nothing to prep for, just nothing and no direction. Where was I going now, what should I be working on….. lost, completely lost. To make matters worse the government had banned beauty salons from operating which meant I couldn’t work in my muggle job either (you can read all about that in my blog Under House Arrest). Far too much time off, and far to much time to get inside my own head.

I didn’t give up. Kind of a stubborn bull really. I continued my sessions with my mentor (aka my burly mama), Miss Alyssa Kitt. I focussed on other aspects of my burly life as much as possible. Eventually, I’d be back on stage, so one must be ready for that day. With all my frustrations of self doubt I was set tasks to work on stripping back who I am and how I’m feeling. Most, if not all, performers are searching for (at some point in their career) that pivotal moment where they feel the acceptance they so greatly need, want and desire. Not realising it was inside them all along. Yes, easier said than done of course. Whilst some may be as confident as all hell (praise be), we all ride our own rollercoaster of emotions with set backs and achievements. Strip back those feelings…. your emotions are valid no matter what. Keep pushing through, keeping creating, keep being you.

Love Delza xoxo

Please note : everything I write about comes from my own personal knowledge and experiences. This is not an advice article

Images by Fate Photography

part time single mum

Are FIFO wives with children the forgotten single mum’s out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah we aren’t single, we do have our partners but for most of us, we spend more than half a year without our partners home. Left to full parental responsibilities solo. So when I say single I’m not referring to our relationship status but the status of us as mum’s, single meaning, doing it solo. So a part time single mum, means doing the parenting part of the time as a solo person. I hope that makes sense because I’m feeling the death stares burning a hole in the back of my head already.

Now, before you get on your high horses….yep Karen, I’m looking at you. I’m not here to be dismissive of all the single mum’s out there doing it all alone 24/7. So you can call off the hoards with pitchforks. And, while we’re at it…. NO! The money our partners get paid does not make up for the lost time, so zip it. Your judgement is not welcome here. Go take it elsewhere. Cheers.

Being a FIFO family is definitely a lifestyle choice and it’s not for everyone. It comes with it’s benefits and also it’s down falls. One of those down falls being the time our partners are away. FIFO rosters vary from site to site from 1 week on site and 1 week home to 4 weeks on site and 1 week home or even longer away. My husband is currently doing 2 weeks on site and 1 week home. This means he is away more than 6 months of the year, more like 8 months actually. Hence me being a ‘part time single mum’.

“Due to tight finances, my husband started FIFO and there were some big changes to our family unit. Parenting became difficult as I was still working full time in a high pressure corporate job with 2 small children and no support. He felt helpless and couldn’t do anything when he was away but saw the kids and I were having a hard time. Even when he was home, I often found myself still solo parenting while he caught up on rest and took care of the kids while I was working. Things became strained as we struggled to get into the new routine and collaborate. Amongst some other issues around insecurities on his part while he was away, we ultimately divorced.

Maya and her kids

9 months after the husband and I broke up, I met my (now ex) partner who also worked FIFO. We both had children around the same age and communication was a big thing for us. Our relationship had a bunch of trust in it and the FIFO routine worked amazingly!! When he was home, we were the Brady Bunch. When he was away, my kids had my full attention without others around and I could do things with my friends without feeling bad for not spending time with my partner. We had some very strict rules and rituals to keep things alive for us and they worked. I had a beautiful partner but also flexibility and no qualms about balancing my social life. Something I wasn’t use to from my previous relationship. We stayed together for 4.5 years and are friends even after the break up NB: the break up was not due to FIFO at all.

Maya and her kids

I am now a single mum and have been for over a year. The kids’ dad is more active but no longer does FIFO. The kids are a bit older and more independent so it is a bit easier but not without its challenges. I still feel supported by the ex partner. Generally speaking though, I am the one that cleans the emotional messes and to cool tempers when things flare up. Being a part time single mum meant I at least had someone to turn to and ask for support. Someone who could talk to the kids when I was emotional and give a logical perspective when I couldn’t. I had a team mate backing me even if he wasn’t there physically. Now…. its just me. Being a part time single mum with the wrong person was draining, with the right person it was a joy. Being a full time single mum is a challenge. At the end of the day though, no matter the capacity, I am a mum and there is nothing more rewarding in the world for me.” – Maya : full time single mum (previous FIFO wife)

We have been a FIFO family for 10 years now. I was pregnant with my 2nd baby when my husband first started working away. Back then his first roster was working away for 21 days and home for 10 days. I won’t lie, the adjustment to our new life was extremely hard for me. I was raising a toddler, going through a high risk pregnancy and still working and running my day spa. My emotions were all over the place (pregnancy hormones played a huge part in this) and my mental health suffered. Dealing with an awful lot of stress and going to many medical appointments alone was almost too much to take (that story can wait for a future blog) but we got through it as a team.

My little family of 4 (Riley just 10 days new)

Why were we putting ourselves through this stress you ask…. having our 2nd child meant I’d more than likely be working far less hours at the salon (I use to own a day spa in the city) and would mean needing to increase our employees hours to compensate. My husband starting a FIFO job meant we would have some extra money to compensate for my income loss. It’s no secret, we all know FIFO workers earn a good dollar, as they should…. my husband works over 13 hours a shift (day and night shifts) for 14 days straight. Also he would have his R&R time to spend at home with us as a family opposed to working everyday during the week, leaving the house before the kids were up, most weekends, late nights and only having 4 weeks holidays a year. Which is what we had previously been use to. Yes, I’m well aware that suits the majority of households. Chill, I’m not having a go. Now that I’ve gotten use to this FIFO lifestyle I actually don’t think I could go back to how it was before.

This has taken our family years to adapt to this huge change. There’s been times I’ve hated it, my husband has hated it and even the kids have hated it. There’s times when either one of us is not in a good head space and we have to help the other get through it, via phone calls and text messages, when all you want to do is be able to hold them tight. When the kids were younger it was very hard to try to explain to them that Daddy would be coming back. Having your kids crying at the front door everytime their Dad simply walked outside just to put something in the bin because they thought he was leaving was awful. Absolutely broke my heart and made me wonder if we were doing the right thing. But they gradually got use to it and now they probably don’t even remember those heart breaking moments.

We got through the hardest of the years (baby and toddler stages) and once I made the decision to move my salon to home, life got far easier. If my husband was going to be away at work for weeks at a time then I needed to be at home as much as possible. Driving to the city for work and trying to get back to the kids before the day care closed was always an epic rush that was taking a huge toll on all of us. Why did I hang on to my day spa for so long…. ohhh that’s right, before I had my babies my salon was my baby. Having the salon at home now means having far more flexibility with my work hours and I can do school drop off and pick ups, go on school excursions and to assemblies and even take them to any appointments they need to go to. Plus no more day care or after school care.

“I have worked FIFO for over 10 years now. Alot of people think it’s the money. Yes the money is great but I made more in Perth, I just worked alot harder for it. The mining work is not hard work, but it’s long draining hours and you really have to put up with some hard to deal with people. If this was Perth you’d handle the problem people a lot better…. if you get me. The time away and missing the family plus your mates, the burlesque shows and car events suck not being there. But most of all for me I miss my sons alot, it really is a mental challenge. I don’t normally let people see that side. I walk tall and make it look like it doesn’t get to me, because when I’m home, I’m really home. I take my boys to school so my wife can have a sleep in. I get to have day time fun with my beautiful wife…. if you get me. Go out and do stuff at home or out and about it’s great. Every 2 weeks I get a whole week off, plus I take 2 weeks off I get 4 off. It really is a balance of up and downs, plus night shift wrecks you. But I can’t see me doing anything else. I like my job.” – Aaron : FIFO worker and my husband

I’ve always had people ask “how do you do it”? My answer is always the same, “I have no other choice”. Being a mum is hard work, as rewarding as it is (think of the good bits, when they aren’t making you pull your hair out) it’s still a lot of work but we as parents decided to make little mini-me’s so now we have to suck it up and raise them to the best of our ability. They are my kids and my responsibility. If my husband is away then it all falls onto me.

Our little family circa 2015

The weeks that my husband is away are hard. The kids out number me and sure as hell drive me insane for the most part. Things are a lot easier now they are both self sufficient and both in full-time school. Though when my hubby is away for 2 weeks at a time I get next to no help, if the kids are sick or have nightmares, I’m the one getting up to them, I do all the cooking and cleaning, help with homework, take them to after school activities, parties etc. Me, all me. There’s that part time single mum thing, again. Remember I also work too. I’ve had more than my fair share of sleepless nights and sleep deprivation because it’s just me. And yes, regardless if you have a partner to help out or not you still go through this, I know, I get it.

“I am a full time working Mum and FIFO wife since 2014. I have a two year old and a five year old.
Times can be tough. The pressure to get everything done can be completely overwhelming, however when you achieve what you have set out to do for the day, and you have done that on your own. You feel like superwoman. Hahaha

My biggest struggle is loneliness. Yes I have a great support network of family and friends but they aren’t around when the kids have gone to bed and you’re watching TV alone on the lounge eating your feelings with a packet of Tim Tams. The nights when the kids are sick and it’s just you that’s with them. (both of my kids usually get sick at the same time ….. so much fun).

However my husband and I are a team. We have known each other for 19 years now. He knows when he is home that he helps. He has always been like that. What I think people forget is that no matter how hard it is for the ‘stay at home’ parent, is that we are still here for everything. We get to have the school experiences. We are there for the birthday parties and the family times, our partners don’t and that’s hard on them. It’s hard but it’s our life. It’s what works for us. And the time he is home. Is AMAZING!!!” – Casey : FIFO wife

Casey and her family on holiday

Asking for help has never been a strong suit of mine, I try my very best to use sitters sparingly if possible (babysitters can be rather costly). I’ve never used a babysitter or put my kids in day care just to have a break (100% my choice, and if you do it bloody good on you, we all need a break from time to time). I actually hate asking for a sitter but sometimes I have to work on location, have events on or I’m going out with friends to places kids can’t go. Plus sitters are 100% required for husband and wife time. Please, please for the love of all things holy and not, please still date your partner. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed time as a couple. Don’t even feel guilty about this one bit.

Not saying I get no help from my family, I’m very lucky that I do. So many people out there either don’t have family, live to far away from family or just don’t get any help from what family they do have close by. 3 years ago we moved next door to my parents which has been an absolute blessing, if only we did this when the kids were younger. Having family to help you even just so you can have an adult outing or even pop into the shops alone from time to time is so good. You know what I mean, don’t you.

Having some what of a routine is very important. This can be hard sometimes and I feel like that routine farely often goes out the door the week hubby is home. It’s taken some time to get it into some order but you make do. Having friends to talk to and spend time with on the weeks hubby is away is super important too. Having hobbies and things to keep you busy also helps. The loneliness and isolation can become very hard at times. Going to events alone is always a tough one. You feel like there’s a piece of you missing. It’s even tougher for my hubby, as he misses out completely and I feel guilty for going out and having fun without him. But life goes on and sitting at home is much worse mentally than going out by yourself. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions that you have to juggle. I am very lucky that my hubby fully supports my hobbies and all my work commitments and encourages me to go out and have fun with my friends.

“We have been a FIFO family for almost 9 years. There are good and bad things. It has given our family many opportunities to improve our home and way of life. I am able to work part time. And when he is home, he is really home. No rushing off to work and coming home tired at the end of the day.
The hardest part I feel is, it gets very lonely and isolating. When he’s away and everyone has family plans your left by yourself. The old “we were going to ask you to come but thought you’d already have plans” can be too familiar. At the end of the day when you just want a break, it’s all me!! Everything is up to me!!!” – Abbey : FIFO wife

Abbey and her family

•••

“We have been a FIFO family for 10 years. Since I met my partner he has always been in work that requires travel to different countries and also to go offshore on the oil rigs. He can be away for a week or up to months at a time . We have 3 children 6,5 and a 7 month old baby. It’s tough with children and a partner who works away for many reasons. The hardest part for me personally is the mental exhaustion, not really being able to switch off and get a break. The stress of looking after 3 children on my own sometimes takes its toll . It can also become very lonely which is why a good friends and family support network is very important. I find routine and organisation are key elements to surviving FIFO life” – Sarah : FIFO wife

Sarah and her family

I’ve talked about FIFO life but there’s others out there that spend even longer stints away from each other, defence force families. Many of my friends have partners in the navy and even my brother in law is in the navy and has done many long trips away for months on end. I’ve seen my sister look after her 2 kids, run her salon, spend many nights in hospital with a very sick little one and even get through her first year at uni studying nursing all whilst her husband was away on a 9 month deployment. Only seeing him once in that whole 9 months. Now that’s tough. Come on, you have to agree that’s frigging hard going.

“My husband has been in the navy almost 20 years, we have been together just over 7 years and 4 years of that has been with children. So for me I always knew this would be a “way of life” but nobody tells you exactly what an unusual lifestyle it can be, he can be home for such a long time then away for 9 months straight, also crash postings like on the day of our engagement party finding out he is sailing 2 days later for an unkown amount of time. I guess you roll with it. I’m not sure if military spouses and fifo partners are the strongest around or we just are completely nuts and probably have to much wine “mummy juice” as my kids say.

Tanya and her husband Adam

The longest we have spent away from each other is 9 months. Last year with him completing a deployment in the middle east, this also included weekly running and work ups the year leading up to the deployment. This is something alot of people don’t realise, the work going into these deployments and how much time away they spend before these trips in preperation. Its a LONG time!

We planned to have the kids when we did as we knew he had a long deployment coming up, we felt there would end up being a big age gap if we waited to have our second child, so we decided to have 2 close together so he would be here for our daughters first year. 2 under 2 is a challenge! When he left for his deployment they were 2 and 1 they actually coped quite well. They were so very young so they adapted to our new routine. As they say children are resilient and they certainly are! But now they are 2 and 4 and I’m not sure it would be the same. He leaves in the morning for work and they’re asking what time he’s gonna be home so I think the age of the kids is a big factor.

The family reunited after a long deployment


How do I handle it? This is a question that honestly depends on the current situation, my husband’s last deployment…. juggling a sick child who had 9 admissions in 7 months in hospital trying and to juggle both kids, a house, 2 dogs, work and I also decided it would be a good idea to start a degree so I wasn’t bored while he was away. Note to self…. you are never bored in a deployment with children. Honestly I have no idea how I handled it but tbh I had no choice I had two little people depending on me to look after them and be the mummy and daddy, somehow we just push on. So many women I know say “I couldn’t do it”, but I think you would all surprise yourselves. The hard things that you never think of is attending parties, birthdays, dinners and kids activities alone. You always turn up wrangling two kids and really don’t get to socialise or relax (lol).

I found between juggling everthing there really wasn’t time to catch up with so many friends and family. I found that hard and I felt bad for going weeks or months between talking to people but honestly I just had to do what I could to survive. Your true friends and family dont hold grudges if you don’t see them all the time. Speaking of family, my one advice is you do need support and I had that in my mum. She literally stepped in as the other parent helping raise my children and looked after them. She spent nights in hospitals, weekend after weekend at my house helping. When I had my youngest child in hospital I sat my final exams while she stayed with her overnight keeping in mind she also had a job and other commitments too. Sounds cliche but I couldn’t have done it without her….LITERALLY!

Tanya with her mum, Tracey and the kids

Like everyone I have my good days, I think yeah this is just our life and I do fine, other days I fall in a big heap and think this is “f@kd”…. as long as there is trust and communication, you’re a team that can get through anything. I was completely aware of what he did when we got together and I’m thankful of the stability of employment my family has.” – Tanya : Navy wife

Not only are defense force workers away on deployment for lengthy periods of time but a lot of the time they have no contact for weeks or months on end and even unable to disclose their location. Depending on where they have been deployed to could mean they are unable to get home to help a sick family member, attend funerals or even be at the birth of their own child. My friend’s husband almost missed the birth of their first child, it was only lucky that he was still in Australian waters doing work ups that he was able to get home, literally, just in time.

“Being a Navy wife can definitely be tough. We had our daughter, Audrey in February and by June my husband left us for deployment 6 months on a Gulf trip, Audrey was only 4 months old and being a first time mum it was terrifying! but I count myself one of the lucky ones because I have my family here in Perth, not a lot of defense members are from Perth so they are away from their families. That 6 months was spent living back with my parents and honestly could not have done this without them! but I was not the same without my partner, the endless sleepless nights, screaming baby and usually me ending up crying on the floor because I had no idea what I was doing. That time definitely made me tougher but also appreciate everything my husband has done for us, he missed out on so many milestones, first solid foods, crawling, laughing and talking. When he did get home Audrey didn’t recognised her own daddy for about 3 days, it was heartbreaking. 3 years later and she is daddy’s little girl! and he has been lucky working back on shore. He has done this for our family and so I don’t go insane again.” – Elise : Navy wife

Elise with her husband, Ben and daughter Audrey (L: before he went on deployment and then R: after he returned 6 months later)

Having a partner that works away can certainly be hard. Not only is it the time away that is hard but the fact that they miss birthdays, anniversaries, events and so much more really does suck. Honestly I think it’s harder on him being away and missing all these things than it is for me not having him home to share these special times. But there’s also the benefits. With my husband’s current roster (2/1) he takes 2 weeks off and gets 4 weeks off. The week he is home he is able to do school drop offs and pick ups, while the kids are at school we can have date days. I am beyond lucky to have such an amazing partner who is a very hands on Dad. The week he is home he gets up to the kids during the night, makes dinner when I’m working evenings and leaves me to sleep in most mornings. Yes, I’m very lucky. Sure is nice after 2 weeks of doing it all myself.

Family day at my husband’s mine site

Yes, FIFO (and defence force) is a career choice (for the most part) but try to remember your friends that have partners working away. We are the ones that people forget about, the forgotten single mum. Although we aren’t technically single and do have our partners please just consider how hard it can be for us on the weeks we are home without our partners there each night. Check in and see how we are doing from time to time and don’t forget to invite us to stuff, just because our partner isn’t home doesn’t mean we want to be stuck at home all the time. Also, check in on the men. They are away and have no one but the people they work with. Think about how hard that is. No, we don’t need pitty, just understanding. And again before you get all uppity at me, Yes…. we know there are mums out there doing this 100% alone. Regardless of our situation, all us mums out there need to have each others backs. Team mum.

Love Delza xoxo

Her Vagesty

Boudoir shoot – Photo by Fate Photography
Please note : everything I write comes from my own personal knowledge, experiences and conversations with my friends and clients. I am not an expert nor claim to be. Along with being an advocate for body positivity and confidence, I am also a sex positive Advocate.

her vagesty

Please be up standing as our new Queen makes her entrance. ‘Her Vagesty’ is here and deserves that crown. She deserves your love. She deserves your time and attention. She is your vulva!

That’s right we are talking vulvas again, but as previously mentioned in ‘Have You Checked Your Hooha Lately‘, vulva isn’t the sexiest name, yes it’s the technical name but meh not screaming sex appeal. I had decided to call it ‘kitty’ but recently it has come to my attention that there is a whole new name that has appeared ‘Her Vagesty’. I am absolutely loving this so much. Ladies we all need to be treating our vulvas like royalty.

“I am certain I cannot be the only one who has called their or someone’s vulva ‘her Vagesty’. It is simply too good of a word – in fact, I just did a quick Google and found an embroidery kit called “Royal Vagesty Embroidery Kit for Beginners”… I have my Sunday night sorted.

I’ve been calling my own vulva ‘her Vagesty’ for about 5 years now and I highly encourage others to join in and help spread the word. It’s a great word, because so often I feel that vulva’s end up being insulted or the butt of the joke and I wanted a name that felt inspiring and noble.

I’m not sure if vulvas need to be worshiped, but I’m not about to tell you NOT to kneel in front of one. But you should definitely treat your own Vagesty kindly and with respect, as they are all very Vajestic.” – Bobbie Apples

I would however like to make a very strong and valid point that even though I’m going to be calling my vulva and all vulvas ‘her vagesty’ or ‘vagesty’……please please, I beg of you, please teach your children that it is a vulva! We should be teaching our children the true name VULVA. All these other names are just nick names. Just needed to clear that up.

I’m finding as I’m getting older that my circle of friends are more open about discussing all things vulva and sex related. However when I was younger it was far more taboo. Could just be more circle of friends (we are all pretty much extroverts) but we sure aren’t shy about telling each other about our private lives. Which is rather refreshing to be able to feel comfortable enough to talk openly about what could be considered embarrassing topics. So this is why I sometimes write about ‘taboo’ topics. In hopes of opening up that conversation barrier.

Now, I’m going to jump right on in and go straight to the real embarrassing stuff, the things no one really openly talks about…. brace yourself….. masturbation….. oooooo so shocking. Yep, that’s right. We all know guys do it and if they say they don’t then we all know they are more than likely lying [insert laughter]. So ladies you should be jumping into it too. Don’t be ashamed, we all need to feel that release from time to time, or even everyday. Hey, it feels good. Not only does her vagesty deserve some one on one attention from her owner but also, this is one of the best ways to figure out what you like, how you like to be touched, how you ultimately ‘cum’ to climax (yeah I wrote that, because I’m super immature, giggle giggle). You can’t expect your sexual partner/s to know what you like if you don’t. Get in touch with yourself by touching yourself.

Is masturbation and/or sex good for your mental health?
“It can be but it can also be harmful. Some individuals within our society have been taught throughout their lives that sex and especially masturbation is sinful, dirty and wrong. This can in turn negatively affect mental health through rising anxiety, guilt and depression. For such individuals, until they change their thought patterns and unpack a lot of long term learnt guilt, masturbation can lead to some serious psychological disfunctions.

On the other hand, masturbation can make an individual feel really good about themselves and even relieve issues such as stress and disrupted sleeping patterns. When you masturbate, your brain released endorphins or “happy hormones” which make you feel really good, which is why sex, orgasms and masturbation can be mood boosters. However, they cannot cure illnesses such as depression or anxiety and individuals should speak to mental health professionals to discuss such issues.” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist and Sex Health Therapist.

Some women will climax from clitoral stimalulation, others from g-spot stimulation and penetration, and some can either which way. Some women struggle to climax on their own, let alone with someone, and this is why it’s so important to figure out what you like and how you can climax. Sex is fun, but when you get that epic orgasm, ohhh wow it’s amazing. Trust me, you want this. Having your partner smash away at you isn’t always going to get you there. This isn’t anything that you are doing wrong really but just the lack of knowing what works for you. Tell your partner/s, or take control. If you need to jump on top and ride them like you’re at a rodeo, then giddy up.

Sex toys, yep I’m going there. Don’t be scared, they are fun. Yes, fun! Seriously why just use your fingers to touch yourself when there are toys out there that do the work for you. If you have never tried a good little bullet vibrator, I suggest you look into these, legit changed my life. (Please do your research on these and any sex toy before purchasing and using). Never be scared to try new things out, life’s to short to have mediocre orgasms.

“The vulva is a wonderful source of pleasure. Every vulva is different, but we all have variations of the same parts. We all know and love the clitoris with over 8000 nerve endings, it’s very sensitive and can bring on that wonderful orgasm you so deserve. Never be too rough on the vulva when engaging in sexual pleasure; over stimulation can lose you an orgasm so take it easy. When using toys, objects or fingers for pleasurable stimulation, make sure they are made out of nonporous materials, they are clean and that nothing is sharp (such as fingernails).” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist & Sex Health Therapist

Which brings me to the fact that I hear far too many women say that their (male) partners aren’t keen on sex toys being used during intercourse. Like for example pulling out a clitoral stimulator to tickle their clit whilst their partner is penetrating them. Like seriously guys, it’s not because you aren’t doing a good job, sometimes we want that extra boost to our climax. Don’t get upset, get interested, ask questions. Use them with us, on us, have fun.

“When it comes to sex toys, it really depends on the individual and their relationship. Sex toys can be great when they are used consensually, respectfully and properly. They can enhance pleasure, “spice things up”, explore new fantasies and help those who are not able-bodied.” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist & Sex Health Therapist

Communicate with your sexual partner/s about what you do and don’t like and also even things you may want to try. We all have our fetishes and fantasies, there is absolutely no shame in that. Be adventurous, again life is too darn short for bad or boring sex. Also, just a little suggestion from me personally (It’s a suggestion not a request, don’t go arranging a tinder hook up every night, unless you want to…. then totally do it), have sex often (with your partner/s or alone). Make time for it. We all have stuff going on and we are all tired, but seriously make the time.

“I started Pure Romance after attending a party and seeing how focused the consultant and the organisation was on their motto of Empower, Educate and Entertain… concepts that match my way of thinking and align with my core values. I am passionate about helping people in general as I work in suicide prevention by day, so I saw this as a unique opportunity to enact change in my other passion, healthy and safe sexual liberation for women.

At first, I found it uncomfortable talking about sex, lubes, penetration, fantasies etc as I’m a closet prude (queue laughter as no one ever believes me). Through practice and seeing how open women become when I discuss these topics so openly and without judgement, it has become something that I am very proud of being able to do. These are topics that NEED to be discussed as women deserve to be able to share their thoughts, desires, concerns or anything they bloody well want to discuss when it comes to sex without fear of being slut shamed or judged.

Selling sex toys, lubes and body products is a small part of what I do. I sell a safe place for discussion, an opportunity to have fun around like minded women, the idea that you can try new things and experiment – all with the ultimate goal of selling sexual liberation with no judgement. Im pretty proud of that.” – Maya aka ‘Coco Corbeau‘ – Pure Romance Consultant : Facebook – Pure Romance With Maya

Exploring your body in a sexual, pleasurable manner is nothing to get all coy about. Enjoy your body and the pleasures it has to offer. I’m pretty sure it’s a proven fact that sex and masturbation is good for helping relieve stress and can even help you sleep better. I definitely read that somewhere. Or maybe I just know from experience.

So, now that we have all the embarrassing sex stuff out the way let’s move on to the next embarrassing topic…. keeping her vagesty clean and healthy. I see many vagesties on a daily basis when they come in for the old growth forest removal each month. So you can imagine the things I see. I’ve been a Beauty Therapist for over 20 years now and for the most part I’ve had nice clean vagesties in my salon but there is the odd one or two that aren’t so well looked after. Boy, I could tell you some stories.

Beauty salon tip : if there is baby wipes provided to you in the beauty room, please use the wipes. They are not optional, they are a must. Us Beauty Therapists appreciate the little extra clean right before we pour hot wax over your vagesty. For further tips please read my blog on waxing 1, 2, 3 and Rip.

Ladies it is so important to keep your vagesty (your vulva, to be exact when we are talking specifics here) clean and healthy. Clean yourself the right way and don’t over clean, that can cause issues. Been there, done that (not pleasant). For the love of all things holy and not, do not shove things like essential oils up your vagesty. Yes, I checked with experts on this, don’t do it. Keep it simple. Your vagesty is a self cleaning organ. Fascinating, right. But still use the baby wipes before your waxing treatment (wink wink).

“Ladies, let’s start with the golden rule, the ‘post coital void’ YES it’s a thing, and yes it is very important. The acidity of our urine has the ability to kill any nasty germs that may pass during coitus, no this does not include STI’s but it does kill those nasty bugs that can cause urinary tract/bladder infections and thrush. Even if you can only manage a small wee in the loo after the deed it will be enough to help.

Hey Demi, how do I clean Her Vagesty? What a great question, there are so many products out there claiming to ‘refresh’ your love muffin, but these can cause a disruption to the natural bacteria living within, its best to stick to water only and pat dry with a towel.

What’s that smell? Have you ever been concerned that it just doesn’t smell right down there? It could be a sign of an STI or bacterial disturbance. If you have a persistent smell, discharge or itch it is best to speak with your GP and don’t put it off!!

My final piece of advice, “If its not on, it’s NOT on” I have seen it all and trust me it is never pretty. Condoms are the safest way to protect yourself from STI’s but please double wrapping is not, I repeat not advised, it can cause friction between the 2 rubbers and gives greater chance of them tearing. So, protect hervagisty and treat her like the royalty that she is.” – Madame Demi Diva – Submarine Medic

Don’t act like vagesties are gross in any way. Yeah, ok they don’t look visually stunning but in their defense they look the way they do for a reason. All that boring medical stuff that I’m no expert on. Vagesties are amazing, and until you try one, (yep you catch my drift, I’m not as vanilla as you may think), don’t knock it. No, there’s nothing wrong with being vanilla. Vanilla just means you can add all the toppings and flavours you want til you find the perfect combination that suits you. You getting what I’m putting down.

Your vagesty is a Queen. Give her the time and attention she so royally deserves. Get to know her, explore her, enjoy her. If you ever feel like you are turning into a ‘Karen’, maybe you need a good stress relief (you know what I mean by now).

Your vulva and all vulvas alike, from this day forward, will now be referred to as ‘Her Vagesty’, the royal kitty from down under (between your legs). Still teach your kids that it’s correct name is vulva (wink wink). Worship her and she will reward you with pleasures aplenty.

Love Delza xoxo

  • Special mention to Miss MonMon for all her expert advice and knowledge added to this article.

“When it comes to sex and sexual health, there is no “one answer fits all” and I really need to stress that point. If you are reading this and taking it as a definitive answer, it could end up effecting your physical, mental and emotional health so I advise discussing everything with either a doctor, therapist or mental health professional. I can’t give a tailored answer and definitely do not try to diagnose yourself” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist & Sex Health Therapist

* This is directed at providing some insight and knowledge on the topic of vulvas. This is not an advice article. Everything mentioned is based on my own personal knowledge, experiences and thoughts. Quotes have been provided from others on their own personal knowledge, experiences and expertise. No one was paid for this information.

Curve Loading

Body Positivity and Confidence part 2

Digital drawing by Fate Photography

You’ve heard of ‘carb loading’ well I want to introduce you to ‘curve loading’. A little thing I made up. A bit of a giggle and kind of an F you when people say anything about what food I’m putting in my mouth. A girl needs to keep her curves maintained for heavens sake. If I want to eat a 6 pack of donuts then gosh darn I’m going to, geez I don’t do that every day so shut your judgy mouth Karen. Please don’t make me be held accountable for my actions, donuts make me weak at the knees. So, keep your opinions of my eating habits to yourself. That would be great, cheers.

Now, in no way do I encourage unhealthy eating as a way of getting curves {Balanced diet and exercise always factor in}. Everything in moderation. Be smart about what you are eating. Treats are fine, takeaway is fine, in moderation. That’s the key…. moderation! Yes, I eat donuts but not every darn day, and yes I totally ate a 6 pack one day. You know those ones you get at Coles with the coloured icing and sprinkles, omg delicious much. That was one time. One time!!!

I don’t know about you but I actually get cravings for healthy food more than I ever do for unhealthy foods. I love going to those hipster kinda cafes with the retro mismatched furniture that make unusual and ultra healthy delicious food. Omg so good. And now I’m hungry, gosh darn it. I’m no dietician so that’s about all I should say about the food side of things. However next time your eating a hotdog, burger, a salad, dessert or even a donut, any food really, take a pic and hashtag #curveloading.

Have you ever had one of those body scan thingys done? If you are going to get one done…. Please keep in mind those scans can not test fitness levels. I had one done and it was not a good experience (More due to the person doing the scan). After getting the results it put me in such a negative mind frame and took me a week to snap out of. I’d been working out pretty intensely for months and was fitter than ever. I was feeling so good about my workouts and my body. I felt fit and healthy but this cut me right down. The lady that did the scan didn’t know me and had no idea of my fitness level or what foods I was eating. All she looked at was how I matched up and compared to 100 other women the same age and height as me. She proceeded to tell me that in order to be healthy I needed to loose 20-30 kilos. I was shocked. 3 years of working on loving my body and she’s telling me that staying the way I am is not healthy. Loosing that much weight would put me back to my teenage/early 20s weight. Keeping in mind right now I’m a size 12 Aus (sometimes 14, depending on the style). That’s a huge amount of weight to get rid of. I was devastated and it made me want to give up on everything I’d worked so hard to achieve.

Not only would loosing that huge chunk of weight be a massive and lenghty process (of course doable) but what would my body end up looking like. Would I then be faced with loose skin and saggy boobs. Then I’d be facing surgery to repair that. Not to mention my mental health. Oh and all my costumes and pretty dresses wouldn’t fit any longer, hehe I know huge problem. I actually told her I was happy being curvy and this woman still stood there telling me that being happy just as I am was wrong. What the f@#king f@#k!!!! My husband actually said (jokingly…. I think…. yeah, yeah totally joking, he loves me) that he would divorce me if I lost that much weight. He sure does like my curves and big booty.

Thank the heavens my trainer pulled me aside and explained that the scan was only done to track my progress from then til a month down the track and that was it. A bit of motivation to train harder. She also explained that the scan can not test fitness levels and that I was extremely fit in comparison to many other women who are ‘healthier’ than me. Them being thinner and therefore being deemed healthier according to this scan. This did make me feel better but the hurt was still there. I didn’t tell this woman I wanted to loose weight or that I was unhappy with my body but she felt it necessary to tell me anyways. Lady all I wanted was to know how much muscle to fat ratio I had so I could see how well my workouts were doing. Just the print out of my scan to give to my trainer and a bit of an explanation of the findings would have been sufficient. No need to body shame me.

Shower shoot in my Pichitcha Gym shirt back when I did Muay Thai…. yeah I did that.

Larger people can be fit people. Just because you have some extra padding on your bones does not mean you are unfit. Same as being thin does not mean you are fit or healthy for that matter. Have you heard the term ‘skinny fat‘. Yep that’s a thing. Look it up. Saying all this, we all need to remember that you can’t judge a book by its cover. I may not have an athletes body but I’m pretty fit. I work out, I dance, I eat reasonably healthy, I don’t smoke and barely drink (Light weight over here) but a body scan will tell you I’m over weight and therefore deemed unhealthy.

What’s more important, our mental health or our physical health. This is a hard one. I guess it depends on the individual. For myself I find that when I feel good about myself I want to treat my body right. I want to eat healthy and workout. Loving my body as it is, puts myself in to a positive mind frame and inadvertently looking after it better. My body has birthed 2 babies and is pushing rather close to 40 and boy do I look darn good.

Photo by Michelle Hale Photography

It’s taken me so long to love my curves, flabby upper arms and thick ass thunder thighs that rub together (still trying to love the cellulite though). Omg how bad is that bloody chub rub. You know for years I thought I was the only one dealing with that, turns out that’s super common. Who would of thought. Always having to wear my sexy bike shorts, that I’ve named my ‘pantaloons’, under dresses and skirts so I can walk around in comfort. Not overly sexy but sure feels better than that chafe.

I’ll be damned if anyone tries to make me question my body again. Only I can say I’m unhappy, only I can decide what I eat and how much, only I can make the decisions about my body and lifestyle. You don’t like what you see, look away. You do not need to inform me of your opinions unless I ask for them. Keep your mouth zipped shut. I’m a happy, healthy curvy girl, deal with it.

Your journey to self love, body positivity and confidence is an ongoing progression. Learning to love what you see in the mirror, flaws and all takes time. Little by little you will get there. Don’t let anyone try to take that away from you, especially the Karen’s of the world and their judgy unwanted opinions about the shape or size of your body. Eat the cake (or donut) and enjoy it, just don’t eat a whole cake everyday. Remember moderation. Praise be to curve loading.

Love Delza xoxo

*please note that everything I write about comes from my own personal experiences and the opinions are strictly my own.

 

Best Friends 4 EVA Or Not?

‘Bury your friend’
Miss Van Dutch & I
Photo by Fate Photography

Trying to keep everyone happy and not upset anyone can become a fulltime job. Far out sometimes peopling can be hard work….

There has been times where my relationship with either a good friend or my partner has come into question, which has left me wondering if I am genuinely a nice person or I am a complete c#%t and just don’t know it <deep in thought> I’m sure I’m not the only one that has been faced with this thought from time to time.

Before I get right into the thick of things…. I want everyone that is reading this to know that everything I say in my blogs is coming from my own personal experience. I am not a psychologist and anything I say is simply my opinion.

So…. let’s talk some relationship home truths. For starters every single type of relationship is unique, from friends to lovers and even work colleagues. Why are they unique…. because each of us as individuals are unique. Put two people together and there will be fireworks, good and/or bad. Then add that into a group and even more fireworks. Each of us as individuals have different and unique personality traits and this heavily factors into whether or not you will get along with someone, like someone, or even have a short or long term relationship with them. You can not and will not be liked by everyone, it just isn’t possible and that’s ok.

Being in my late 30s now, I’ve had many friends come and go. Some I miss terribly. As you change as a person, find new interests or even move to a new area you will meet new people and sometimes unfortunately grow apart from old friends. It’s just what happens in life. I still have a few friends from way back in primary school I unfortunately don’t see or even talk to often, but we can literally just pick up where we left off no matter how much time has passed. We all have busy lives with work, family, hobbies or extracurricular activities (wink wink, nudge nudge… I’m kidding, or am I… I meant sport/gym…. gosh get your head out of the gutter lol) etc but no matter how busy I am I will try my best to make time for my friends. Honestly, book me in for a coffee date and I’ll be there. So people, how about instead of saying “I’m too busy”, perhaps attempt to make a time to catch up. You’d make time in an heart beat for a love interest (that includes your tinder hook ups) wouldn’t you.

Now, I haven’t done the whole dating thing as I have been with my husband since we were just 14 years old…. just over 24 years together now. It’s a long time, especially this day in age. So obviously being in just the one relationship (that you know of…. again, I’m kidding…. just keeping you on your toes) for a very long time does limit my knowledge on the dynamics of the whole dating realm. However I do have plenty of friends still out there looking for their perfect match (and I use the word ‘perfect’ loosely) and they provide ample amounts of knowledge on this section of relationships. My husband and I have been really lucky in the fact that we have grown together rather than apart and found a way to work through every hurdle that has come our way. Wowzers there’s been a few doozies. After all we are a team “for better or worse”. Please don’t think this means it has all been rainbows and lollipops, we’ve certainly had our ups and downs and even almost got divorced… which I’m not even going to get into right now.

My husband and I – 2019
Photo by Fate Photography

I’ll let you in on a little tip…. if you love someone, you will find a way to forgive, repair and move on from just about anything. There are of course some huge exceptions to this but that’s for you yourself to decide what is worth forgiving and if that person is worth it. No relationship or couple is perfect, NO ONE!!! Remember those unique personalities I mentioned, that’s the reason why there is no perfect relationship. It’s all a myth, like a unicorn (hehe, inside joke). Look you can come pretty close but come on at some point you are going to disagree about something. No one, except the couple themselves truly knows what goes on behind closed doors, so to speak. We should all know by now that social media only shows the best parts of anyones life. So please do not compare yourself and your relationship with anything you see on social media. Trust me, Ive seen the flip side of plenty of my friends lives. Friends posting loving posts about their partner yet they literally just had a conversation with me about how much they loath them. Yeah that actually happens.

For anyone that knows me well, knows I am a [VERY] forgiving and understanding person. I guess this is part of my unique personality. I’m not saying that people can treat me like shit and I don’t care. Bloody oath I care and you can bet your ass I will cry, over think and not sleep over these situations. I am 100% an optimist, I choose to give people the benefit of the doubt and also see the good in them. Yes, this has bitten me in the beautiful peachy booty many times. Yet I still choose to offer second, third and fourth, oh ok and fifth chances to people before cutting them out of my life completely. Even though I’ve legit only ever completely cut someone I’ve called a good friend from my life 3 times. That’s right 3 people have been removed from my life for good. Two of them were just plain narcissists but the other one had hurt me very badly and what could have been so easily mended wasn’t because for the life of him he could not say “I’m sorry”. Just 2 words, I didn’t even want an explanation or even a conversation about what happened, I just wanted to hear those 2 words and then I would of forgiven and moved on. Was I asking too much? Does your pride really get in the way that badly?

When someone stops talking to you, ghosts you or just completely cuts you from their life it can hurt like a mother flipping b#%ch. Especially if you do care about them and have no clue what you did or honestly just didn’t realise your actions caused them hurt. Gosh darn it…. At least tell them what they did or do you really not give 2 sh%ts about that person that you aren’t even willing to approach them about this. Yell, scream, cry tell them to go jump or the standard “f#%k you” works pretty well. Just say something. Seriously sometimes we just don’t bloody have a clue. Yep, people are getting more and more ignorant. I would be beside myself if I found out I hurt a friend and didn’t know I had. I would definitely want to apologise and try to sort it out. I’ll be honest, I have a very sarcastic sense of humour and unless you know that about me you could get offended but I also wear my heart on my sleeve and I’m extremely loyal and giving aswell.

Writing this brings up a lot of emotions for me. Almost 4 years ago the person I called my best friend and I loved like a sister stopped talking to me. I spent close to 3 years going crazy trying to figure out what I did that was so unforgiving that she didn’t want me in her life anymore. So many tears and so many sleepless nights, until one day I realised I just have to move on. Not only did I loose her, my kids lost their friends and I don’t get to see my god daughter. Although there is a small amount of communication still there, I don’t ever see it getting much better than that. I’d give anything to go back and fix what ever I did, unfortunately that’s just not how it works.

If you have someone, friend or partner saying you’ve hurt them, bloody listen! Regardless if you think they are being pathetic or over reacting. If they are saying they are hurt, upset or angry then you need to listen and for just a moment try and see it from their point of view. After all this person is your friend or partner, they mean something to you, right?

Let’s be honest at some point you are going to upset someone. You can not make everyone happy. You may have arguments with your partner and get over it and make up much easier and quicker than you would with a friend. I’ve always been troubled by this. Why is it so much harder to work things out with a friend rather than a partner? I guess this comes down to the dynamics of the actual relationship. You love and care about friends in a different way to your partner. Never the less for stuff sakes, can we all just be adults and speak to each other. Talk it over, validate each others feelings and make up. Really think about it, is it worth loosing a friend over or breaking off your relationship with your partner all because you either couldn’t say sorry or you couldn’t tell them you were/are upset. People speak up. Honestly are you going to forget every good time over one bad time? Well are you?

Personally I feel that friendships are very special and just aren’t worth giving up on easily. Some would disagree (I feel the death stares right now) but like I said I am pretty forgiving. All I’m trying to say is think about how important that person is before you make a massive decision about cutting them from your life. I truly believe that people do some f#%ked up sh%t for all sorts of f#%ked up reasons. Don’t even sit there and think you’ve never done any of this foolishness, you know you have. When emotions are high people can and will become irrational. No matter how hard you try and even though you know that if your friends were acting irrationally and talking some sort bull dang you’d be telling them to cut the crap, you still do it. We are human and we are not perfect.

3 of my closest friends, my burly sisters The After Dusk Darlings
Back stage at Fringe World Perth 2020
Photo by Fate Photography

This brings me to one of my biggest pet hates. People giving advice or saying what they would or wouldn’t do in a situation that they are not in. Just cut that crap out. It isn’t helpful and you need to stop. You have no idea what you would or wouldn’t do because it’s not happening to you and it’s not your relationship! Offer support and understanding but allow the person to make their own decision on the matter. The amount of times I’ve heard someone say “if my partner did that to me, I’d leave them”. Well Karen, would you though, like really would you? Go think on that one. Far out I wouldn’t even be married to my husband or maybe even made it down the aisle if I listened to any of that bull dang. Same with a friendship situation, people saying “I wouldn’t speak to them ever again, if I were you”. Well, you aren’t me so just zip it. Just be there for the people you love and let them decide for themselves, after all it’s their life not yours.

Ohhh, another pet hate…. why not hey. Choosing sides. If I have a situation where I have 2 friends having a disagreement or happen to be in a relationship that’s hit a bumpy road or ended up in Splitsville I will not take sides. My choice to not take sides has not always been welcomed by others within the friend circle and even sometimes with the friends primarily involved. Why the hell do I have to choose which friend I’m taking the side of or keeping in my life. What did they do to me? Nothing. Don’t ask people to take sides or choose, that’s not cool. Are we in primary school? Nope, we are grown ass adults.

These people you call your friend, your family, your lover, your partner are all in your life because they matter to you. Remember that people make mistakes and say and/or do some very silly, sometimes pretty f#%ked up stuff but try to think of all the good they have brought into your life before this foolishness occurred then decide if they are worth it or not.

Love Delza xoxo

Stay tuned for my next installment on relationships when I tackle the whole online dating and hook up section.

My Life As A Pinup Mum

All mums are unique and different but being a pinup mum means sticking out like a sore thumb.

For that particular reason it took a little bit for me to transform into an everyday pinup. Even before I started dressing in a pinup style way I always made sure I put the effort in to looking good each day. It’s just me (or the Beauty Therapist in me), always has been, wearing make up and doing a little something to my hair each day makes me feel good. I kind of envy the mums that wear no makeup and have their hair in a ‘mum bun’, the amount of extra time I’d have each day, but would you believe that I can do a victory roll but I can’t seem to master a messy bun.

I started getting into the pinup scene about 5 years ago but it took a few years for me to fully transform and some days I do have what I call a ‘mum day’ where I wear jeans and a t-shirt and don’t do my pinup hair or make up. And, yes, I do have days when I wear tracky dacks and no make up. We all need those days. Anyhow, as I started to wear red lipstick more and more and dresses with petticoats and bright coloured hair flowers in my hair, I found I was being stared at more and more. A friend actually told me that some of the other mums found me to be intimidating. Which actually hurt my feelings and confidence so much that I felt that had to dull it down to fit in. Really…. why should it matter what I look like or wear, but unfortunately to some it does. I have many friends that are the complete opposite of me and it doesn’t bother either party, we are just different. Into different things and like different things. Doesn’t bother me in the slightest how you dress, a friend is a friend and a mum is a mum.

Then myself and my little family moved suburbs which meant changing schools for my boys. This also meant a fresh start, no one knew me there, so pinup all the way. So far I am yet to see another pinup mummy at this school. I stand out, but in a good way. All the kids know who’s mum I am (hehe, sorry boys) and the other mums love seeing me dressed up. I get so many compliments and I don’t feel weird being the ‘odd one’. I did have a little giggle last year when one mum asked me how I find the time to look the way I do each day….. [hehe] my reply “I get up 2 hours before the kids so I can do my hair and makeup”, the shock horror on her face and few others was worth it…. I then had a little laugh and said ” just joking, it only takes me 20-30 mins max on a day to day basis”. Aside from the hair and makeup, getting dressed doesn’t take any longer than putting on ‘normal’ clothes.

I’m sure you’re wondering, what do my kids think…..

I have 2 boys who are 10 and 8. They absolutely love how I look.
They say I’m the prettiest mum ever. Which they are totally obligated to say, regardless [haha], but it’s still nice to hear. My youngest often goes and picks out my dresses or accessories he wants me to wear. They enjoy going to the pinup meet ups, car shows and watching pinup parades, especially if I’m in one. I even had the pleasure of having a little pinup shoot with my boys, which I never thought would happen with 2 boys but they loved it and the photos are adorable. My 8 year old is definitely more interested than my 10 year old and even has a few favourite pinups, other than his mummy. They have never asked me to change how I look and aren’t embarrassed by me sticking out, which definitely makes me happy. Plus, they think I’m famous because so many people stop me to compliment my outfit and sometimes ask for a photo. It’s super cute. Shhh….. Don’t tell them any different.

Photo by : https://www.angiedelariephotography.net/

These days I’m happy to ‘stick out like a sore thumb’, because I’m me. It’s taken me so long to be happy just being me, so I’m not giving up on it. Never be afraid to be you. All us mums are doing our own thing. If you are happy with no make up, wearing a full face of makeup, wearing active wear, wearing heels, wearing whatever…. do it. If any of the judgy mummies (they are out there, we’ve all come across them) want to look at you and judge, let them because who cares. You do you and I’ll do me.

Delza Skye xoxo