Beauty & Lifestyle – Delza Skye

BODY SELF LOVE

Body positivity and confidence part 4

“You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving yourself and see what happens.” – Louise Hay

• • •

Body self love is a life long lesson and journey, with twists and turns that come with our ever changing bodies from such things as weight gain and loss, pregnacy, age, illness etc. It doesn’t come easily and it takes working on it every single day. This has taken me years and years to get to the stage I’m at right now and even then, I’m still struggling.

For pretty much all my life, well as far back as I can remember anyhow, I’ve had body image issues and for the last 5 years or so I’ve been working hard to look at myself in a kind and loving way rather than hating on myself. Finding the world of pinup certainly helped me in huge way. I was always trying to dress to the current fashion, which 95% of the time was not made for my body shape. The pinup style is perfect for my curves. I love everything about the vintage and retro style, and dressing in that way was a massive break through for me. Not having to try to keep up with current fashion trends makes my life much easier. Dressing pinup is who I am. It brings me so much joy. The pinup lifestyle and fashion, so to speak, isn’t for everyone but it’s definitely for me.

Recently I’ve been really reflecting on my life and how I see myself. I’ve pondered about what I may of thought if 19 year old me could of seen a pic of 39 year old me. Not even going to lie, 19 year old me would of ended up with an awful eating disorder or become obsessed with exercise in absolute fear of ending up just how I am today. I’m being totally honest, that’s right, I would have been horrified to know that I would be the size I am (and I’m not even that ‘big’). I was after all a 90s teen and back then, skinny was the ‘in’ thing. Thigh gaps (or as I call them, ‘bang gaps’) were all the rage. Curvy girls were considered ‘fat’. Cellulite was one of the scariest things on the planet to teenager (more than likely still is) and don’t even get me started about spider veins. But what if 19 year old me could also be preview to how happy I am, then things would more than likely be different within teenage me’s reaction to late 30s me. What if, what if??

I’m in no way the same person I was 20 years ago, nor even 5 years ago. I absolutely love my curves and embrace them. As much as I’m never going to be 100% happy, seriously what woman is, I’m pretty darn close. Like 90% there.

One thing that has always been my biggest issue with my body is my thighs. My darn thunder thighs. The size doesn’t bother me so much anymore (not like it use to) but the cellulite and the nasty spider veins are what get to me these days. Being a Beauty Therapist means being on my feet for the most part of the day. This, and my age, has contributed to those beautiful purple spider web looking veins appearing on my legs. For these 2 reasons, I’ve not wanted to show my bare legs in public much at all. I’ve over come wearing a bathing suit in public but would you believe, up until a few months ago I had never ever performed on stage bare leg for an entire act.

Ok, ok, I have been on stage twice without stockings and in bathers of all things (stockings and bathers just don’t go), which scared me more than being on stage in the first place, but this was for 2 different pinup competitions. Both of which I actually won. Go figure. Pinup competitions don’t include removing your clothing (well no actual strip tease elements anyways), so it’s a bit different to burlesque. I’ve never performed any of my burlesque acts without stockings on. Yep, I always wear stockings. ALWAYS! It’s a little safety net for me…… but I finally did it. I went on stage bare leg.

I recently revamped my 2nd ever solo act from almost 5 years ago. I had kept the original cardboard bath tub I made (so crafty), and always thought that maybe one day I’d bring the act back. Originally I wore thigh high stockings and took them off on stage right before I stepped into the bath. This time I made the decision to face my fears and not wear stockings at all. This may seem so trivial to most but this was a huge thing for me.

I was so nervous, more nervous than I had been for a very long time. I used shimmer lotion and glitter spray to make me all nice and sparkly and also in the hopes of hiding some of the imperfections. I stood back stage and all of a sudden it dawned me…. I looked over at Madame Demi Diva & Bettie Bombshell and said “have I just hidden the cellulite or highlighted it?”…. Oh shit, too late it’s done now and it’s time to go on stage.

I felt so nervous and I had the shakes so bad…. but I got through the act, I felt good about it, I felt amazing and I felt empowered. I did it! I faced my fears and I’ve never been so proud of myself in my personal self love and body positivity journey.

PHOTOS BY FATE PHOTOGRAPHY ON STAGE AT ‘INDULGENCE’ PRESENTED BY IVY CABARET – 27TH NOVEMBER 2020

Getting the photos back from any show is always scary for me and this show even more so. But I absolutely love them, so much so that I asked my beautiful friend, Elise from Fate Photography to do a little bit of her magic (she is a magician) so I could have them printed on glass and displayed in my home, to honour such an achievement of mine.

That splash though…. PHOTO BY FATE PHOTOGRAPHY (edited from original) ON STAGE AT ‘INDULGENCE’ PRESENTED BY IVY CABARET – 27TH NOVEMBER 2020

Celebrate the wins, no matter how small or trivial they may seem. Try to be kind to yourself throughout your own personal journey. We are all hard on ourselves and we all have things we don’t like about our bodies but you can find an acceptance and an approval of it and love it for what it is. We all have flaws but even flaws can be beautiful.

Next time you look in the mirror look at the parts you love and tell yourself you love them, then look at the parts you don’t like so much and tell yourself you love them even though you don’t like them. The more you love on yourself the more you will believe it. It’s hard at first but day by day it gets easier.

Love Delza xoxo

January 4, 2021

delzaskye2 Comments

part time single mum

Are FIFO wives with children the forgotten single mum’s out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah we aren’t single, we do have our partners but for most of us, we spend more than half a year without our partners home. Left to full parental responsibilities solo. So when I say single I’m not referring to our relationship status but the status of us as mum’s, single meaning, doing it solo. So a part time single mum, means doing the parenting part of the time as a solo person. I hope that makes sense because I’m feeling the death stares burning a hole in the back of my head already.

Now, before you get on your high horses….yep Karen, I’m looking at you. I’m not here to be dismissive of all the single mum’s out there doing it all alone 24/7. So you can call off the hoards with pitchforks. And, while we’re at it…. NO! The money our partners get paid does not make up for the lost time, so zip it. Your judgement is not welcome here. Go take it elsewhere. Cheers.

Being a FIFO family is definitely a lifestyle choice and it’s not for everyone. It comes with it’s benefits and also it’s down falls. One of those down falls being the time our partners are away. FIFO rosters vary from site to site from 1 week on site and 1 week home to 4 weeks on site and 1 week home or even longer away. My husband is currently doing 2 weeks on site and 1 week home. This means he is away more than 6 months of the year, more like 8 months actually. Hence me being a ‘part time single mum’.

^{“Due to tight finances, my husband started FIFO and there were some big changes to our family unit. Parenting became difficult as I was still working full time in a high pressure corporate job with 2 small children and no support. He felt helpless and couldn’t do anything when he was away but saw the kids and I were having a hard time. Even when he was home, I often found myself still solo parenting while he caught up on rest and took care of the kids while I was working. Things became strained as we struggled to get into the new routine and collaborate. Amongst some other issues around insecurities on his part while he was away, we ultimately divorced.}

^{9 months after the husband and I broke up, I met my (now ex) partner who also worked FIFO. We both had children around the same age and communication was a big thing for us. Our relationship had a bunch of trust in it and the FIFO routine worked amazingly!! When he was home, we were the Brady Bunch. When he was away, my kids had my full attention without others around and I could do things with my friends without feeling bad for not spending time with my partner. We had some very strict rules and rituals to keep things alive for us and they worked. I had a beautiful partner but also flexibility and no qualms about balancing my social life. Something I wasn’t use to from my previous relationship. We stayed together for 4.5 years and are friends even after the break up NB: the break up was not due to FIFO at all.}

^{I am now a single mum and have been for over a year. The kids’ dad is more active but no longer does FIFO. The kids are a bit older and more independent so it is a bit easier but not without its challenges. I still feel supported by the ex partner. Generally speaking though, I am the one that cleans the emotional messes and to cool tempers when things flare up. Being a part time single mum meant I at least had someone to turn to and ask for support. Someone who could talk to the kids when I was emotional and give a logical perspective when I couldn’t. I had a team mate backing me even if he wasn’t there physically. Now…. its just me. Being a part time single mum with the wrong person was draining, with the right person it was a joy. Being a full time single mum is a challenge. At the end of the day though, no matter the capacity, I am a mum and there is nothing more rewarding in the world for me.” – Maya : full time single mum (previous FIFO wife)}

We have been a FIFO family for 10 years now. I was pregnant with my 2nd baby when my husband first started working away. Back then his first roster was working away for 21 days and home for 10 days. I won’t lie, the adjustment to our new life was extremely hard for me. I was raising a toddler, going through a high risk pregnancy and still working and running my day spa. My emotions were all over the place (pregnancy hormones played a huge part in this) and my mental health suffered. Dealing with an awful lot of stress and going to many medical appointments alone was almost too much to take (that story can wait for a future blog) but we got through it as a team.

My little family of 4 (Riley just 10 days new)

Why were we putting ourselves through this stress you ask…. having our 2nd child meant I’d more than likely be working far less hours at the salon (I use to own a day spa in the city) and would mean needing to increase our employees hours to compensate. My husband starting a FIFO job meant we would have some extra money to compensate for my income loss. It’s no secret, we all know FIFO workers earn a good dollar, as they should…. my husband works over 13 hours a shift (day and night shifts) for 14 days straight. Also he would have his R&R time to spend at home with us as a family opposed to working everyday during the week, leaving the house before the kids were up, most weekends, late nights and only having 4 weeks holidays a year. Which is what we had previously been use to. Yes, I’m well aware that suits the majority of households. Chill, I’m not having a go. Now that I’ve gotten use to this FIFO lifestyle I actually don’t think I could go back to how it was before.

This has taken our family years to adapt to this huge change. There’s been times I’ve hated it, my husband has hated it and even the kids have hated it. There’s times when either one of us is not in a good head space and we have to help the other get through it, via phone calls and text messages, when all you want to do is be able to hold them tight. When the kids were younger it was very hard to try to explain to them that Daddy would be coming back. Having your kids crying at the front door everytime their Dad simply walked outside just to put something in the bin because they thought he was leaving was awful. Absolutely broke my heart and made me wonder if we were doing the right thing. But they gradually got use to it and now they probably don’t even remember those heart breaking moments.

We got through the hardest of the years (baby and toddler stages) and once I made the decision to move my salon to home, life got far easier. If my husband was going to be away at work for weeks at a time then I needed to be at home as much as possible. Driving to the city for work and trying to get back to the kids before the day care closed was always an epic rush that was taking a huge toll on all of us. Why did I hang on to my day spa for so long…. ohhh that’s right, before I had my babies my salon was my baby. Having the salon at home now means having far more flexibility with my work hours and I can do school drop off and pick ups, go on school excursions and to assemblies and even take them to any appointments they need to go to. Plus no more day care or after school care.

^{“I have worked FIFO for over 10 years now. Alot of people think it’s the money. Yes the money is great but I made more in Perth, I just worked alot harder for it. The mining work is not hard work, but it’s long draining hours and you really have to put up with some hard to deal with people. If this was Perth you’d handle the problem people a lot better…. if you get me. The time away and missing the family plus your mates, the burlesque shows and car events suck not being there. But most of all for me I miss my sons alot, it really is a mental challenge. I don’t normally let people see that side. I walk tall and make it look like it doesn’t get to me, because when I’m home, I’m really home. I take my boys to school so my wife can have a sleep in. I get to have day time fun with my beautiful wife…. if you get me. Go out and do stuff at home or out and about it’s great. Every 2 weeks I get a whole week off, plus I take 2 weeks off I get 4 off. It really is a balance of up and downs, plus night shift wrecks you. But I can’t see me doing anything else. I like my job.” – Aaron : FIFO worker and my husband}

I’ve always had people ask “how do you do it”? My answer is always the same, “I have no other choice”. Being a mum is hard work, as rewarding as it is (think of the good bits, when they aren’t making you pull your hair out) it’s still a lot of work but we as parents decided to make little mini-me’s so now we have to suck it up and raise them to the best of our ability. They are my kids and my responsibility. If my husband is away then it all falls onto me.

The weeks that my husband is away are hard. The kids out number me and sure as hell drive me insane for the most part. Things are a lot easier now they are both self sufficient and both in full-time school. Though when my hubby is away for 2 weeks at a time I get next to no help, if the kids are sick or have nightmares, I’m the one getting up to them, I do all the cooking and cleaning, help with homework, take them to after school activities, parties etc. Me, all me. There’s that part time single mum thing, again. Remember I also work too. I’ve had more than my fair share of sleepless nights and sleep deprivation because it’s just me. And yes, regardless if you have a partner to help out or not you still go through this, I know, I get it.

^{“I am a full time working Mum and FIFO wife since 2014. I have a two year old and a five year old.
Times can be tough. The pressure to get everything done can be completely overwhelming, however when you achieve what you have set out to do for the day, and you have done that on your own. You feel like superwoman. Hahaha}

^{My biggest struggle is loneliness. Yes I have a great support network of family and friends but they aren’t around when the kids have gone to bed and you’re watching TV alone on the lounge eating your feelings with a packet of Tim Tams. The nights when the kids are sick and it’s just you that’s with them. (both of my kids usually get sick at the same time ….. so much fun).}

^{However my husband and I are a team. We have known each other for 19 years now. He knows when he is home that he helps. He has always been like that. What I think people forget is that no matter how hard it is for the ‘stay at home’ parent, is that we are still here for everything. We get to have the school experiences. We are there for the birthday parties and the family times, our partners don’t and that’s hard on them. It’s hard but it’s our life. It’s what works for us. And the time he is home. Is AMAZING!!!” – Casey : FIFO wife}

Asking for help has never been a strong suit of mine, I try my very best to use sitters sparingly if possible (babysitters can be rather costly). I’ve never used a babysitter or put my kids in day care just to have a break (100% my choice, and if you do it bloody good on you, we all need a break from time to time). I actually hate asking for a sitter but sometimes I have to work on location, have events on or I’m going out with friends to places kids can’t go. Plus sitters are 100% required for husband and wife time. Please, please for the love of all things holy and not, please still date your partner. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed time as a couple. Don’t even feel guilty about this one bit.

Not saying I get no help from my family, I’m very lucky that I do. So many people out there either don’t have family, live to far away from family or just don’t get any help from what family they do have close by. 3 years ago we moved next door to my parents which has been an absolute blessing, if only we did this when the kids were younger. Having family to help you even just so you can have an adult outing or even pop into the shops alone from time to time is so good. You know what I mean, don’t you.

Having some what of a routine is very important. This can be hard sometimes and I feel like that routine farely often goes out the door the week hubby is home. It’s taken some time to get it into some order but you make do. Having friends to talk to and spend time with on the weeks hubby is away is super important too. Having hobbies and things to keep you busy also helps. The loneliness and isolation can become very hard at times. Going to events alone is always a tough one. You feel like there’s a piece of you missing. It’s even tougher for my hubby, as he misses out completely and I feel guilty for going out and having fun without him. But life goes on and sitting at home is much worse mentally than going out by yourself. It’s a rollercoaster of emotions that you have to juggle. I am very lucky that my hubby fully supports my hobbies and all my work commitments and encourages me to go out and have fun with my friends.

^{“We have been a FIFO family for almost 9 years. There are good and bad things. It has given our family many opportunities to improve our home and way of life. I am able to work part time. And when he is home, he is really home. No rushing off to work and coming home tired at the end of the day.
The hardest part I feel is, it gets very lonely and isolating. When he’s away and everyone has family plans your left by yourself. The old “we were going to ask you to come but thought you’d already have plans” can be too familiar. At the end of the day when you just want a break, it’s all me!! Everything is up to me!!!” – Abbey : FIFO wife}

•••

^{“We have been a FIFO family for 10 years. Since I met my partner he has always been in work that requires travel to different countries and also to go offshore on the oil rigs. He can be away for a week or up to months at a time . We have 3 children 6,5 and a 7 month old baby. It’s tough with children and a partner who works away for many reasons. The hardest part for me personally is the mental exhaustion, not really being able to switch off and get a break. The stress of looking after 3 children on my own sometimes takes its toll . It can also become very lonely which is why a good friends and family support network is very important. I find routine and organisation are key elements to surviving FIFO life” – Sarah : FIFO wife}

I’ve talked about FIFO life but there’s others out there that spend even longer stints away from each other, defence force families. Many of my friends have partners in the navy and even my brother in law is in the navy and has done many long trips away for months on end. I’ve seen my sister look after her 2 kids, run her salon, spend many nights in hospital with a very sick little one and even get through her first year at uni studying nursing all whilst her husband was away on a 9 month deployment. Only seeing him once in that whole 9 months. Now that’s tough. Come on, you have to agree that’s frigging hard going.

^{“My husband has been in the navy almost 20 years, we have been together just over 7 years and 4 years of that has been with children. So for me I always knew this would be a “way of life” but nobody tells you exactly what an unusual lifestyle it can be, he can be home for such a long time then away for 9 months straight, also crash postings like on the day of our engagement party finding out he is sailing 2 days later for an unkown amount of time. I guess you roll with it. I’m not sure if military spouses and fifo partners are the strongest around or we just are completely nuts and probably have to much wine “mummy juice” as my kids say.}

^{The longest we have spent away from each other is 9 months. Last year with him completing a deployment in the middle east, this also included weekly running and work ups the year leading up to the deployment. This is something alot of people don’t realise, the work going into these deployments and how much time away they spend before these trips in preperation. Its a LONG time!}

^{We planned to have the kids when we did as we knew he had a long deployment coming up, we felt there would end up being a big age gap if we waited to have our second child, so we decided to have 2 close together so he would be here for our daughters first year. 2 under 2 is a challenge! When he left for his deployment they were 2 and 1 they actually coped quite well. They were so very young so they adapted to our new routine. As they say children are resilient and they certainly are! But now they are 2 and 4 and I’m not sure it would be the same. He leaves in the morning for work and they’re asking what time he’s gonna be home so I think the age of the kids is a big factor.}

The family reunited after a long deployment

^{How do I handle it? This is a question that honestly depends on the current situation, my husband’s last deployment…. juggling a sick child who had 9 admissions in 7 months in hospital trying and to juggle both kids, a house, 2 dogs, work and I also decided it would be a good idea to start a degree so I wasn’t bored while he was away. Note to self…. you are never bored in a deployment with children. Honestly I have no idea how I handled it but tbh I had no choice I had two little people depending on me to look after them and be the mummy and daddy, somehow we just push on. So many women I know say “I couldn’t do it”, but I think you would all surprise yourselves. The hard things that you never think of is attending parties, birthdays, dinners and kids activities alone. You always turn up wrangling two kids and really don’t get to socialise or relax (lol).}

^{I found between juggling everthing there really wasn’t time to catch up with so many friends and family. I found that hard and I felt bad for going weeks or months between talking to people but honestly I just had to do what I could to survive. Your true friends and family dont hold grudges if you don’t see them all the time. Speaking of family, my one advice is you do need support and I had that in my mum. She literally stepped in as the other parent helping raise my children and looked after them. She spent nights in hospitals, weekend after weekend at my house helping. When I had my youngest child in hospital I sat my final exams while she stayed with her overnight keeping in mind she also had a job and other commitments too. Sounds cliche but I couldn’t have done it without her….LITERALLY!}

^{Like everyone I have my good days, I think yeah this is just our life and I do fine, other days I fall in a big heap and think this is “f@kd”…. as long as there is trust and communication, you’re a team that can get through anything. I was completely aware of what he did when we got together and I’m thankful of the stability of employment my family has.” – Tanya : Navy wife}

Not only are defense force workers away on deployment for lengthy periods of time but a lot of the time they have no contact for weeks or months on end and even unable to disclose their location. Depending on where they have been deployed to could mean they are unable to get home to help a sick family member, attend funerals or even be at the birth of their own child. My friend’s husband almost missed the birth of their first child, it was only lucky that he was still in Australian waters doing work ups that he was able to get home, literally, just in time.

^{“Being a Navy wife can definitely be tough. We had our daughter, Audrey in February and by June my husband left us for deployment 6 months on a Gulf trip, Audrey was only 4 months old and being a first time mum it was terrifying! but I count myself one of the lucky ones because I have my family here in Perth, not a lot of defense members are from Perth so they are away from their families. That 6 months was spent living back with my parents and honestly could not have done this without them! but I was not the same without my partner, the endless sleepless nights, screaming baby and usually me ending up crying on the floor because I had no idea what I was doing. That time definitely made me tougher but also appreciate everything my husband has done for us, he missed out on so many milestones, first solid foods, crawling, laughing and talking. When he did get home Audrey didn’t recognised her own daddy for about 3 days, it was heartbreaking. 3 years later and she is daddy’s little girl! and he has been lucky working back on shore. He has done this for our family and so I don’t go insane again.” – Elise : Navy wife}

Elise with her husband, Ben and daughter Audrey (L: before he went on deployment and then R: after he returned 6 months later)

Having a partner that works away can certainly be hard. Not only is it the time away that is hard but the fact that they miss birthdays, anniversaries, events and so much more really does suck. Honestly I think it’s harder on him being away and missing all these things than it is for me not having him home to share these special times. But there’s also the benefits. With my husband’s current roster (2/1) he takes 2 weeks off and gets 4 weeks off. The week he is home he is able to do school drop offs and pick ups, while the kids are at school we can have date days. I am beyond lucky to have such an amazing partner who is a very hands on Dad. The week he is home he gets up to the kids during the night, makes dinner when I’m working evenings and leaves me to sleep in most mornings. Yes, I’m very lucky. Sure is nice after 2 weeks of doing it all myself.

Yes, FIFO (and defence force) is a career choice (for the most part) but try to remember your friends that have partners working away. We are the ones that people forget about, the forgotten single mum. Although we aren’t technically single and do have our partners please just consider how hard it can be for us on the weeks we are home without our partners there each night. Check in and see how we are doing from time to time and don’t forget to invite us to stuff, just because our partner isn’t home doesn’t mean we want to be stuck at home all the time. Also, check in on the men. They are away and have no one but the people they work with. Think about how hard that is. No, we don’t need pitty, just understanding. And again before you get all uppity at me, Yes…. we know there are mums out there doing this 100% alone. Regardless of our situation, all us mums out there need to have each others backs. Team mum.

Love Delza xoxo

July 25, 2020July 25, 2020

delzaskye2 Comments

Her Vagesty

Boudoir shoot – Photo by Fate Photography

Please note : everything I write comes from my own personal knowledge, experiences and conversations with my friends and clients. I am not an expert nor claim to be. Along with being an advocate for body positivity and confidence, I am also a sex positive Advocate.

her vagesty

Please be up standing as our new Queen makes her entrance. ‘Her Vagesty’ is here and deserves that crown. She deserves your love. She deserves your time and attention. She is your vulva!

That’s right we are talking vulvas again, but as previously mentioned in ‘Have You Checked Your Hooha Lately‘, vulva isn’t the sexiest name, yes it’s the technical name but meh not screaming sex appeal. I had decided to call it ‘kitty’ but recently it has come to my attention that there is a whole new name that has appeared ‘Her Vagesty’. I am absolutely loving this so much. Ladies we all need to be treating our vulvas like royalty.

^{“I am certain I cannot be the only one who has called their or someone’s vulva ‘her Vagesty’. It is simply too good of a word – in fact, I just did a quick Google and found an embroidery kit called “Royal Vagesty Embroidery Kit for Beginners”… I have my Sunday night sorted.}

^{I’ve been calling my own vulva ‘her Vagesty’ for about 5 years now and I highly encourage others to join in and help spread the word. It’s a great word, because so often I feel that vulva’s end up being insulted or the butt of the joke and I wanted a name that felt inspiring and noble.}

^{I’m not sure if vulvas need to be worshiped, but I’m not about to tell you NOT to kneel in front of one. But you should definitely treat your own Vagesty kindly and with respect, as they are all very Vajestic.” – Bobbie Apples}

Bobbie Apples – Photo by Wild Kat Photography

I would however like to make a very strong and valid point that even though I’m going to be calling my vulva and all vulvas ‘her vagesty’ or ‘vagesty’……please please, I beg of you, please teach your children that it is a vulva! We should be teaching our children the true name VULVA. All these other names are just nick names. Just needed to clear that up.

I’m finding as I’m getting older that my circle of friends are more open about discussing all things vulva and sex related. However when I was younger it was far more taboo. Could just be more circle of friends (we are all pretty much extroverts) but we sure aren’t shy about telling each other about our private lives. Which is rather refreshing to be able to feel comfortable enough to talk openly about what could be considered embarrassing topics. So this is why I sometimes write about ‘taboo’ topics. In hopes of opening up that conversation barrier.

Now, I’m going to jump right on in and go straight to the real embarrassing stuff, the things no one really openly talks about…. brace yourself….. masturbation….. oooooo so shocking. Yep, that’s right. We all know guys do it and if they say they don’t then we all know they are more than likely lying [insert laughter]. So ladies you should be jumping into it too. Don’t be ashamed, we all need to feel that release from time to time, or even everyday. Hey, it feels good. Not only does her vagesty deserve some one on one attention from her owner but also, this is one of the best ways to figure out what you like, how you like to be touched, how you ultimately ‘cum’ to climax (yeah I wrote that, because I’m super immature, giggle giggle). You can’t expect your sexual partner/s to know what you like if you don’t. Get in touch with yourself by touching yourself.

^{Is masturbation and/or sex good for your mental health?}^{“It can be but it can also be harmful. Some individuals within our society have been taught throughout their lives that sex and especially masturbation is sinful, dirty and wrong. This can in turn negatively affect mental health through rising anxiety, guilt and depression. For such individuals, until they change their thought patterns and unpack a lot of long term learnt guilt, masturbation can lead to some serious psychological disfunctions.}

^{On the other hand, masturbation can make an individual feel really good about themselves and even relieve issues such as stress and disrupted sleeping patterns. When you masturbate, your brain released endorphins or “happy hormones” which make you feel really good, which is why sex, orgasms and masturbation can be mood boosters. However, they cannot cure illnesses such as depression or anxiety and individuals should speak to mental health professionals to discuss such issues.” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist and Sex Health Therapist.}

Some women will climax from clitoral stimalulation, others from g-spot stimulation and penetration, and some can either which way. Some women struggle to climax on their own, let alone with someone, and this is why it’s so important to figure out what you like and how you can climax. Sex is fun, but when you get that epic orgasm, ohhh wow it’s amazing. Trust me, you want this. Having your partner smash away at you isn’t always going to get you there. This isn’t anything that you are doing wrong really but just the lack of knowing what works for you. Tell your partner/s, or take control. If you need to jump on top and ride them like you’re at a rodeo, then giddy up.

Sex toys, yep I’m going there. Don’t be scared, they are fun. Yes, fun! Seriously why just use your fingers to touch yourself when there are toys out there that do the work for you. If you have never tried a good little bullet vibrator, I suggest you look into these, legit changed my life. (Please do your research on these and any sex toy before purchasing and using). Never be scared to try new things out, life’s to short to have mediocre orgasms.

^{“The vulva is a wonderful source of pleasure. Every vulva is different, but we all have variations of the same parts. We all know and love the clitoris with over 8000 nerve endings, it’s very sensitive and can bring on that wonderful orgasm you so deserve. Never be too rough on the vulva when engaging in sexual pleasure; over stimulation can lose you an orgasm so take it easy. When using toys, objects or fingers for pleasurable stimulation, make sure they are made out of nonporous materials, they are clean and that nothing is sharp (such as fingernails).” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist & Sex Health Therapist}

Which brings me to the fact that I hear far too many women say that their (male) partners aren’t keen on sex toys being used during intercourse. Like for example pulling out a clitoral stimulator to tickle their clit whilst their partner is penetrating them. Like seriously guys, it’s not because you aren’t doing a good job, sometimes we want that extra boost to our climax. Don’t get upset, get interested, ask questions. Use them with us, on us, have fun.

^{“When it comes to sex toys, it really depends on the individual and their relationship. Sex toys can be great when they are used consensually, respectfully and properly. They can enhance pleasure, “spice things up”, explore new fantasies and help those who are not able-bodied.” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist & Sex Health Therapist}

Communicate with your sexual partner/s about what you do and don’t like and also even things you may want to try. We all have our fetishes and fantasies, there is absolutely no shame in that. Be adventurous, again life is too darn short for bad or boring sex. Also, just a little suggestion from me personally (It’s a suggestion not a request, don’t go arranging a tinder hook up every night, unless you want to…. then totally do it), have sex often (with your partner/s or alone). Make time for it. We all have stuff going on and we are all tired, but seriously make the time.

^{“I started Pure Romance after attending a party and seeing how focused the consultant and the organisation was on their motto of Empower, Educate and Entertain… concepts that match my way of thinking and align with my core values. I am passionate about helping people in general as I work in suicide prevention by day, so I saw this as a unique opportunity to enact change in my other passion, healthy and safe sexual liberation for women.}

^{At first, I found it uncomfortable talking about sex, lubes, penetration, fantasies etc as I’m a closet prude (queue laughter as no one ever believes me). Through practice and seeing how open women become when I discuss these topics so openly and without judgement, it has become something that I am very proud of being able to do. These are topics that NEED to be discussed as women deserve to be able to share their thoughts, desires, concerns or anything they bloody well want to discuss when it comes to sex without fear of being slut shamed or judged.}

^{Selling sex toys, lubes and body products is a small part of what I do. I sell a safe place for discussion, an opportunity to have fun around like minded women, the idea that you can try new things and experiment – all with the ultimate goal of selling sexual liberation with no judgement. Im pretty proud of that.” – Maya aka ‘Coco Corbeau‘ – Pure Romance Consultant : Facebook – Pure Romance With Maya}

Maya (Coco Corbeau) – Photo by Jennifer Villalobos Photography

Exploring your body in a sexual, pleasurable manner is nothing to get all coy about. Enjoy your body and the pleasures it has to offer. I’m pretty sure it’s a proven fact that sex and masturbation is good for helping relieve stress and can even help you sleep better. I definitely read that somewhere. Or maybe I just know from experience.

So, now that we have all the embarrassing sex stuff out the way let’s move on to the next embarrassing topic…. keeping her vagesty clean and healthy. I see many vagesties on a daily basis when they come in for the old growth forest removal each month. So you can imagine the things I see. I’ve been a Beauty Therapist for over 20 years now and for the most part I’ve had nice clean vagesties in my salon but there is the odd one or two that aren’t so well looked after. Boy, I could tell you some stories.

^{Beauty salon tip : if there is baby wipes provided to you in the beauty room, please use the wipes. They are not optional, they are a must. Us Beauty Therapists appreciate the little extra clean right before we pour hot wax over your vagesty. For further tips please read my blog on waxing 1, 2, 3 and Rip.}

Ladies it is so important to keep your vagesty (your vulva, to be exact when we are talking specifics here) clean and healthy. Clean yourself the right way and don’t over clean, that can cause issues. Been there, done that (not pleasant). For the love of all things holy and not, do not shove things like essential oils up your vagesty. Yes, I checked with experts on this, don’t do it. Keep it simple. Your vagesty is a self cleaning organ. Fascinating, right. But still use the baby wipes before your waxing treatment (wink wink).

^{“Ladies, let’s start with the golden rule, the ‘post coital void’ YES it’s a thing, and yes it is very important. The acidity of our urine has the ability to kill any nasty germs that may pass during coitus, no this does not include STI’s but it does kill those nasty bugs that can cause urinary tract/bladder infections and thrush. Even if you can only manage a small wee in the loo after the deed it will be enough to help.}

^{Hey Demi, how do I clean Her Vagesty? What a great question, there are so many products out there claiming to ‘refresh’ your love muffin, but these can cause a disruption to the natural bacteria living within, its best to stick to water only and pat dry with a towel.}

^{What’s that smell? Have you ever been concerned that it just doesn’t smell right down there? It could be a sign of an STI or bacterial disturbance. If you have a persistent smell, discharge or itch it is best to speak with your GP and don’t put it off!!}

^{My final piece of advice, “If its not on, it’s NOT on” I have seen it all and trust me it is never pretty. Condoms are the safest way to protect yourself from STI’s but please double wrapping is not, I repeat not advised, it can cause friction between the 2 rubbers and gives greater chance of them tearing. So, protect hervagisty and treat her like the royalty that she is.” – Madame Demi Diva – Submarine Medic}

Madame Demi Diva – Photo by Osmium Images

Don’t act like vagesties are gross in any way. Yeah, ok they don’t look visually stunning but in their defense they look the way they do for a reason. All that boring medical stuff that I’m no expert on. Vagesties are amazing, and until you try one, (yep you catch my drift, I’m not as vanilla as you may think), don’t knock it. No, there’s nothing wrong with being vanilla. Vanilla just means you can add all the toppings and flavours you want til you find the perfect combination that suits you. You getting what I’m putting down.

Your vagesty is a Queen. Give her the time and attention she so royally deserves. Get to know her, explore her, enjoy her. If you ever feel like you are turning into a ‘Karen’, maybe you need a good stress relief (you know what I mean by now).

Your vulva and all vulvas alike, from this day forward, will now be referred to as ‘Her Vagesty’, the royal kitty from down under (between your legs). Still teach your kids that it’s correct name is vulva (wink wink). Worship her and she will reward you with pleasures aplenty.

Love Delza xoxo

Special mention to Miss MonMon for all her expert advice and knowledge added to this article.

^{“When it comes to sex and sexual health, there is no “one answer fits all” and I really need to stress that point. If you are reading this and taking it as a definitive answer, it could end up effecting your physical, mental and emotional health so I advise discussing everything with either a doctor, therapist or mental health professional. I can’t give a tailored answer and definitely do not try to diagnose yourself” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist & Sex Health Therapist}

^{* This is directed at providing some insight and knowledge on the topic of vulvas. This is not an advice article. Everything mentioned is based on my own personal knowledge, experiences and thoughts. Quotes have been provided from others on their own personal knowledge, experiences and expertise. No one was paid for this information.}

July 13, 2020July 13, 2020

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Crack The Mirror Of Perfection

Body Positivity and Confidence part 3

^{This is not an advice article, it is all written from my own personal view based on my knowledge and experiences in my own life, hugely influenced by my burlesque and pinup side of life. Combined with quotes gathered from others within the burlesque and pinup community and also friends of mine, all with their own personal thoughts, journeys, knowledge and experiences.}

^{{Get comfy, this is a long one. I have a lot to say, clearly}}

What is perfection? Who decides what is or isn’t perfect? Should society depict what and how we should or shouldn’t look?

Hell to the NO! Why should we allow society to tell us what or how we should look. Chasing the never ending pursuit of what is deemed ‘perfect’. Who even makes these choices of what is or isn’t perfect? Seriously we are all so unique, why do we all need to look the same, that’s just boring.

Growing up as a teenager in the 90s, yep last century, the ‘in look’ was to be skinny. I mean super thin. Like, if your thighs were touching that was not going to cut it. This being the case I never felt like I was skinny enough. Even being a size 6 to 8 AUS, my thighs still touched, so that little voice inside my head was constantly telling me “you’re fat”. If only I knew earlier that the reason my thighs touched was because of my body shape. Go figure, good old genetics. A lot of pressure is put on us to have the perfect body, well what we are told is the perfect body anyhow. These days curvy bodies are so much more represented and accepted, in actual fact all body types are. Hooray!

^{Body Positive Shoot – organised & photographed by Ella Hackleton Photography}

^{*Since this shoot, I’ve had the confidence to wear a bathing suit in public}

^{“Body positivity is something that is very close to my heart, as someone who has always struggled with the way I see myself!
I organised this photoshoot to show women of all types and backgrounds that it is ok to be you, that you are gorgeous and worthy just as you are!
As women, it is so important to stick together and support one another rather than tearing each other apart and that was something I think we achieved at the shoot, women who may have not usually met each other in the real world, coming together and embracing each other!” – Ella Hackleton}

Ella Hackleton – Ella Hackleton Photography

Ok, I’m going to get a bit personal right now (please don’t hate, like for real, I’m a very sensitive person) …. Lately I’ve had a few people refer to me as plus size. For the life of me I can’t figure out if they are giving me a compliment or if it is a nice way of calling me, well for lack of any other word, fat. Is this the 90s teen still inside of me with that voice ringing in her ear “you’re fat”…. My gosh, the word ‘fat’ is so harsh! Being called plus size isn’t the issue, I don’t even find it offensive in any way, but growing up, way back… you know, last century, plus size was referred to as a large person, much larger than I. It starts to play on my mind that maybe I see myself differently to others. I’m a proud curvy girl, 100% happy about that, I have those thick thighs with the booty to match, a cinched in waist and an E cup bust (an hourglass figure to be precise) but am I plus size [puzzled look on face] ? I personally believe there is a difference between curvy and plus size but very unsure of how it is defined exactly. Why does it even matter and why does this make me second guess how I see myself, because deep down how others see us still lingers in the back of our minds. This is when we need to remind ourselves that what we think, look and feel about ourselves is more important than what others do. Whatever labels are placed on us, we need to remember those are just words, that’s all.

That’s me on stage at ‘A Night At The Opera’ : A Queen Tribute Burlesque Show (Fringe World Perth 2020) produced by Ivy Cabaret – Photo by Fate Photography

•••

^{“Yes, I do consider myself to be curvy, but not plus size. To me, my curves are a love hate relationship, some times I love the body I have and feel so good being able to show them off, but sometimes I feel frumpy and uncomfortable when clothes don’t fit or feel right.” – Madame Demi Diva}

Madame Demi Diva – Photo by Fate Photography

•••

^{“I do consider myself plus size, it’s when magazines/media or sometimes even people who are skinny (a size 8) that say “ah I’m so fat I need to go on a diet and lose weight” or magazines consider a size 12-14 to be plus size. That’s what shits me. Plus size to me is 18 an over.”}

^{“Since losing weight I have gained more confidence. But, since dancing. Omg so so so much more confidence. ‘I’m bringing sexy back’ is how I feel. I am a lot happier than what I was 2 years ago. I feel lighter on my feet. I feel that I can get more done. I’ve gone out a couple times and I’ve had compliments on what I’m wearing, where as 2 years ago I would of just got a stare because it was too revealing.” – Debbie Does}

Debbie Does on stage at ‘Tricky Thicc: A Fat Burlesque Revue’ produced by Glamazon
Photo by Stephanie Clare

•••

^{“I do feel that performers should be the one to classify themselves as plus size, as there are a lot of variables that can go into that label. For example, I see myself as plus size, due to my body shape and that I’m not a ‘commercial’ size. I have wobbly bits, and they do bother me at times, but I am constantly becoming more comfortable with my body. After giving birth a year ago, my body changed again. I had to get used to those changes and how they felt. I have performed at 8 months pregnant, and 8 months after having my daughter and find that putting on my makeup, my glitter and my outfit helps me to feel powerful, strong, confident. Like I don’t need to care what others think! That confidence fuels my performances and helps me to feel gorgeous for who I am. That it is who I am, wobbly bits and all, that the audience loves on stage.” – Kitty White}

Kitty White on stage at Burlesque Idol Australia – Photo by Digital Image Studio

I’m finding a lot (not all) of my (salon) clients that are in their teens or early to mid 20s are still extremely self conscious of their bodies and pick at ‘normal’ body issues as if they were the worst thing in the world, as if their body was unusual or gross. I try my best at helping them understand that this is all perfectly normal and they aren’t alone. As much as the media shows more and more diversity (they are trying anyways) it’s apparent that young women, and I’m sure men too, are still feeling the pressures of society’s ‘perfect’ body. Cellulite is a reality, stretch marks are a reality (at any age), your body jiggles. Darn it girls, who cares if your thighs touch, at least your phone won’t drop in the toilet when you are sitting there scrolling your socials. I get it. I’ve been there, I was this age once upon a time. Nothing is wrong with your body, you are ‘perfectly imperfectly perfect’. Real life is not airbrushed or filtered, it is raw and real.

•••

^{“For myself I actually couldn’t give a shit what people think. I have in the past been accused of being anorexic, but I feel what I’m putting in my body is my decision and no one should have the right to judge what I look like. But I do know people my age that feel that they are pressured into looking a certain way and feel like they are judged on their appearance.
The only pressure I feel, is towards myself, as I am in a sport that revolves around how my body looks. But I don’t feel the need to look a certain way for others. But once again with my friends, their are certain pressures from peer groups, society and media.” – Sarah (Sezzi)}

•••

^{“I think that growing up and especially reaching my early to mid 20’s, I feel I’ve had unrealistic expectations on how I ‘should’ look…
I don’t know if this stemmed from not having a constant female figure in my life when I was at the age of learning and understanding my body or if it purely came down to how I viewed women on TV or social media and came to the conclusion that, that’s how I need to look”}

^{“Training 6 days a week and having an active recovery rest day once a week, for me is more for my metal health. It’s only this past year that I’ve started to achieve the goals of how I want to look from learning about my nutritional needs. Food is so important to having the energy to train as much as I do.”}

^{“If I’m honest though my journey might have started out wanting to look a certain way from comparing myself to fitness influencers and women in my life. However, it quickly became less about other people and completely about myself. When I started smashing my own goals and feeling happy about myself and how I look to myself, I knew I was now doing it all for the right reasons.” – Emily}

^{Photos of Emily during a workout}

When it comes to talking about body positivity and confidence the focus is hugely directed at body shape and size. Learning to love your body just as it is, is a huge part of the journey to finding body positivity, confidence and self love but there are so many other aspects that aren’t as openly spoken about or seem to be a little detached from the body positive movement. If we are going to preach and advocate for the movement then we need to be inclusive of all bodies. That means not just shape and size but also gender, disability, colour, height, age and even how we look after and groom our bodies.

Which brings me to the topic of body hair. Society heavily suggests that women in particular should remove body hair, society also says men should at a minimum ‘manscape’. But shouldn’t we be the ones to decide if we do or don’t remove our body hair. Recently it came to my attention that more and more women are making the decision to go au naturel. Especially over the COVID-19 lockdown and beauty salons being banned from operating (darn corona, what have you done to my business). Personally (my personal opinion, don’t get all attacky, sit back down Karen) I don’t like the au naturel look for myself. Perhaps the Beauty Therapist side of me but I feel sexier being freshly waxed, shaved, plucked and hair free. But this is my choice, I don’t feel like I’m forced to do this at all. I’m a grown ass woman who can make her own choices. But some feel the constant pressure of having to shave their legs and armpits. If you feel more confident and happy being au naturel then you should 100% do it and rock it. Gosh, I do envy the extra time and money you must have not having to constantly be removing hair. All the same I’m still going to continue on my merry little way of hair removal torture.

^{“When quarantine started I challenged myself to stop shaving everything. I wanted a break from conforming to societies (and pinups) standards, I just wanted to find me again! (Plus the cost of razors? Am I right!!!!). The choice made me feel more at home, more myself, because as much as I dress up at events, I’m a pretty chilled, down-to-earth person (as most people who meet me, know).”}

^{“As a teenager I felt ashamed for having hair (crazy ey, hair! We’ve all got it!) I even remember being called names and made fun of. I wasn’t allowed to shave my legs until my teens and I remember it being the biggest deal ever. But why should it be? Its just hair!
I wanted to be brave and show people that its okay to be proud of your body hair, its a part of you and you should love every little bit of yourself. Don’t let anyone tell you different because you are beautiful, with, or without body hair” – Bettie Butcher}

•••

^{“I started shaving less about ten years ago, and then stopped almost entirely about five years ago. I have pangs of insecurity every once in a while. A longing for a smooth and pretty leg, but I always had stubble by the end of the day, and red sensitivity everywhere, so even shaved my legs weren’t winning beauty contests. Overall I’m much more comfortable physically and mentally than I was when I shaved.”}

^{“I’ve had bonding moments with other furry performers, and have had others mention that they wish they felt comfortable doing the same, but I’ve never faced any negativity backstage. On a couple of occasions, audience members have sought me out after my performance to excitedly show off their unshaved pits, and I’m really into it. If it makes someone else feel safer in their own skin, I’ll never shave again.” – Mona Minx}

•••

^{“For one of my acts I didn’t shave my armpits, it was a neo routine and there wasn’t any real reason why I didn’t shave, I just wanted to embrace the hair since the routine was incredibly raw.” – Ida Ocean}

^{Ida Ocean – Photos by John Leonard Photography}

•••

^{“I have had mixed reactions on my body hair as a burlesque performer. One producer asked me to show it off as a statement as I was the only performer in the show with body hair. On another occasion, an audience member complained to the producer about my body hair; thankfully the producer supported me and told the audience member they were welcome to never come again.”}

^{“In my personal life, I have had a few men express distaste for my choice not to shave, although women have generally been fine with it. Thankfully my partner supports my bodily autonomy.” – Fi Bonacci}

While on the topic of hair, let’s talk colouring our hair. Personally I love seeing outrageous unnatural hair colours. It’s an amazing way to express our individuality and creativity. On the other hand their are many of us colouring our hair to a reasonably natural colour to hide those silver strands. Why is it that society makes it seem so awful for a woman to show her grey hair but a man is considered a ‘silver fox’. So many people out there spend a huge chunk of money on colouring their hair to hide those pesky greys (in my case, pure white). Do we do it because we feel like it shows our age, do we feel like we need to, because society says so? In all honesty, I’m really not ready to do away with colouring my hair. I love my dark locks, so I’ll continue to colour those bad boys as soon as they appear. I have black hair and white hair sure does show very easily. I’m not kidding I’m turning into Cruella de Vil, like for real, minus the whole stealing puppies part. What is so wrong with having grey hair, really? We are all going to end up with grey or white hair eventually. It is, after all, a natural progression of life. Oh, and heads up…. the downstairs hair goes grey too…. yep!

^{“I had been thinking about going au naturel for a long while but whenever I would go to the hairdresser they would suggest a little toning .. and I’d end up losing all the natural colour! In 2018 my hairdresser moved and it took me a while to find a new one who could work with my curly hair, so I used that time to let my hair grow through. I was 48 at the time and I had been on a bit of a journey discovering who I was and embracing all of me. As a bigger girl all my life I have struggled with my body image and being good enough. Through burlesque, (which I started when I was 47) I had come to love my body all the lumps and bumps but I still was colouring away the greys and it didnt seem to make sense any more.”}

^{“Going grey has been so freeing. I’m not stuck seeing a hairdresser every 5 weeks to hide my skunk line. Its cheaper… I probably save over $2000 a year! I love it… I find the comments interesting. Some ppl think Im brave (wtf!!) Some ppl compliment me.. but quickly follow up with “but I couldnt do it!” Others tell me how much darker hair suits me! But tbh I really don’t care what they say… its the natural me and just like my lumps and bumps I love it.” – Polly Poussey}

•••

^{“I stopped colouring my hair about 8 months ago when I started realising that I have been covering up the true person I really am – I have been dying my strawberry blonde hair since I was 16 years old, probably in an attempt to change myself and feel like someone else, and maybe some deep seeded reason also is that I was not proud to be me. But 32 years later I am only just understanding who I am and embracing it greys and all. Growing out my natural colour is still a work in progress but I really love the colour and am excited about being natural, being me and not needing to hide me.” – Kathryn}

•••

^{“I colour my hair as an outlet for my creativity. I love colours and the energy they hold. I feel confident, and unique with wild hair. Purple is my ‘normal’ hair colour. This is a colour of magic and spirituality, which reflects my life. Therefore it is the best colour to represent my personality.” – Fanny Fatale}

•••

^{“I colour my hair because yeah I do feel more confident and I like to stand out from the crowd also orange is my favourite colour and its also the colour of Halloween my favourite time of year.” – Miss Kat Destiny}

Miss Kat Destiny – Photos by Angie Delarie Pinup Photography (L) & Fate Photography (R)

Even things like cellulite, spider veins, stretch marks, dimples, freckles, scars and skin imperfections are all completely ‘normal’ things found on almost every person. No one is perfect, no one. We all have our flaws and things that make us feel insecure but that doesn’t mean we need to be ashamed of them or feel the need to cover it up. I totally understand the feeling of wanting hide or cover up the things that make you feel insecure. I’ve hidden my legs away for years and only started to feel confident in a bathing suit in last few years (remember that shoot at the start of this blog). I don’t think I’ll ever be 100% happy or confident about showing my bare legs but I don’t allow it to stop me from going to the beach or pools with my family and friends. I’m not going to lie, I use leg makeup (sometimes) to help hide my spider veins because it helps me to feel better about showing my legs. Whatever helps you to feel better within yourself do it. Don’t allow these things to hold you back from enjoying life.

^{“The struggle for me has been my 2 scars on my chest. I worked at BNT and I wanted to be a lingerie model but when I had a pacemaker and heart surgery it left massive scars on my chest. I would refuse to show them I wore turtle necks for most of my early 20’s and I had the best body. My first photoshoot I thought I was going to mortify people but showing my big ugly scars. It took me so long to wear a bikini. I think the hardest thing about body positivity is that people always compare themselves to the beautiful models in the media. I’d walk into bras n things and hang posters of beautiful flawless women and think that was the ultimate standard. That if I didn’t look like that I would never be a model. Who wants to see scars between breasts anyway?”}

Miss Lexi Heart – Photo by Fate Photography

^{“I realised if I don’t love it and accept it no one ever will. I wanted to feel confident leave the turtle necks in the closet wear the bikini and not give a shit what anyone thought was beauty standards. A lot of people saw the scar and took pity on me. I didn’t want pity I wanted people to know I fuckin survived what I believed would kill me at 21 and if I’m going to hide my body and feel ashamed forever then the stupid fuckin media won. They won their stupid beauty standards. And what about the other girls out there having scars and thinking they are gross what kinda message does that send. That if you fight for your life your ugly. No! I wasn’t going to have that! Why should I hide what has made me, me because of these standards of beauty everyone else perceived. It scared people. I was asked to hide my pacemaker scar once because it made someone feel uncomfortable. In my early 20’s I would have cried and hid it. But now I think if you don’t like it look away. Putting up posters of beautiful woman in their lingerie all day at work for 10 years made me believe that that was beautiful. In reality accepting your body and loving who you are is way more beautiful.” – Miss Lexi Heart}

After becoming a mum my body changed, not in a huge way for me, but never the less it changed. I’d put on weight, I had some stretch marks on my tummy (not a lot, I got lucky so to speak, that oiling ritual every night must of helped), my boobs grew (even my nipples and areola changed colour and size…. yep that happens), my body wasn’t the same anymore. It was hard for me to look in the mirror. I felt yuck and very unattractive. How could my husband look at this if I can’t. I know I’m not alone with these feelings. Accepting that our bodies change after having a baby is a pretty hard thing to swallow. We sure as hell shouldn’t be hating on ourselves, we just grew a tiny human inside of us, but we still do.

^{“Prior to having kids I was a size 6-8, 48kg aspiring model. After gaining between 22 and 25 kgs with each of my pregnancies, it was very hard to lose the weight. I was sad and couldnt come to terms with the fact my taught small figure was replaced with stretch marks and jiggly bits.”}

Coco Corbeau – pre kids & now, after kids

^{“After my divorce and realising the amazing things my body could do like bring humans into the world, lift heavy things and withstand side effects from mental health issues, I started wearing my stretch marks and jiggly bits as trophies. I became proud of my body and its achievements and started being kinder to myself. I no longer have scales in my house and we talk about being healthy and strong not skinny especially around the kids. I was proud when my daughter said recently that she wanted to have a big booty so she could look like me. Own what you have. Wear it proudly and listen to those who support you not those who want to change you to fit their idea of what attractive is.” – Coco Corbeau}

•••

_{“During Primary School I was a big tomboy, that was how I coped with being a chubbier kid. Going into High School, like a lot of girls then, I stopped playing sport, so my weight stayed up. While I never remember feeling huge pressure about my body, I do know I never felt happy or comfortable with my body.
During my first year at Uni, I had a self realisation moment, (I still remember the date!) I had been eating horribly while going between classes and work all the time. I had just bought some take away, I felt my pants were quite tight on my tummy, I looked down and thought to myself, I need to change this. So that next morning I went for a walk and ate breakfast, which I never did. Over the next 10 months I progressed from walking, to jogging, to running and then to playing netball which I had always loved. In the end I lost 17kg. While I was now pretty fit and feeling good, I now realise I had developed a bit of an unhealthy relationship with food and exercise. I was a bit obsessive, I would beat myself up if I missed a run or ate something unhealthy.”}

Chelsea – (comparison photos) Top left : Age 18, Bottom left (red dress) : Age 22, Right : now age 32

^{“So once I became pregnant, it was a bit scary for me to put weight on again and not feel in control of my own body. However, I kept up moderate exercise (which I attribute for having an easy pregnancy and recovery) Slowly started to embrace my pregnant body.
Once I had my little girl, I got back into my exercise routine pretty quickly (with the approval of my doctor). It was around this time my attention started to change from wanting to be ‘skinny’ to wanting to be ‘fit and strong’. So I started lifting and as well as running and netball. That for me, was life changing. I now celebrate what my body can do and achieve rather than just how it looks. I no longer own scales, I measure through my progress in my fitness.
I love my body now more than I ever have and feel comfortable in my own skin. Because I’m doing what I’m doing for me, not anyone else.
I only hope I can set this as an example for my own daughter.” – Chelsea}

•••

^{“During my late teens and 20s, I was a professional model. I usually specialised in swimwear and underwear due to my figure! I remember feeling very comfortable about my body but still my confidence was not always the best despite outward appearances.}

^{When I was 28 I met my husband and was heavily involved in the fitness industry as a personal trainer so my body image was positive despite ongoing insecurities about the way I looked. I was always self conscious about my legs and hardly ever showed them.”}

Louise – left : modelling in her 20s, Right : personal trainer late 20s

^{“At about the age of 32 we tried to have children to no avail so we decided to start IVF. My life changed dramatically. My body changed due to all the hormones and my body image plummeted. However IVF was successful and I was pregnant with my first child at 37, my weight went from 51kg to 95kg. Post baby my body looked like a melted candle, a large one at that. I hated the sight of my body.”}

^{“Low self esteem, low self-worth ensued affecting my relationship with my husband. I was so unhappy and to make matters worse I got really bad post natal depression. As well as an umbilical hernia, I had to have my abs sown together !!! So no more abs for me !!!!!}

^{I did loose the weight through weight watchers eventually but my body was never the same !!!!”}

^{“Around 42 I decided to embark on my university education to become a registered nurse. I gained 12kg which affected my mental health and body image ! I hated my reflection with a passion. I also experienced burnout so I decided to get into shape again with a trainer/coach. The results are astounding to me. I feel even more confident than I did as a model. I competed in my first fitness competition and came 4th. I went from 84kg down to 61kg for the competition !!!}

^{“For me, I feel better being fit and I see it as an older mum my responsibility to be as healthy as I can so I can be around for longer. I am happy with my body but still conscious of my legs and now my tummy but I can deal with that because I think I’m ok for 49 years old !! – Louise}

Learning to love our ‘new’, ‘mum’ bodies is the start of a whole new journey of self love. Some of us bounce back pretty darn quick and others don’t. We are all so different and many things factor into what and how our bodies change during pregnancy and after giving birth. Body type, skin type, metabolism, genetics and lifestyle just to name a few. Regardless of how well, or not so well our bodies ‘bounce back’ after having our babies shouldn’t mean hiding away. Wear those tiger stripes with pride, remember there are many women out there wishing they had those. Let’s celebrate all mum bods, from the rock hard toned ones to the softer rolly ones.

Now, I know I talk a lot about the burlesque and pinup community, these are my people after all, but these communities truly do encourage all things body positive, confidence and inclusivity. Well for the most part anyways. Like 99% of the time. Look, to be completely honest, there will always be a ^{very small} minority not being inclusive and upsetting others in all aspects of life. Some people are just assholes and usually not very well recieved in the community. However, finding the amazing world of burlesque and pinup completely changed the way I saw my body and where I started to find my body confidence. These are 2 places/groups of people where I’ve found that ALL bodies are represented and accepted. Let’s be honest, burlesque artists are some of the most confident people you’ll ever come across.

^{“Burlesque is a feminist political art form. As a fat woman, the messages I see in the media tell me: be invisible, nobody wants to see you, your body is wrong. But by performing on stage, I am demanding to be seen and to take up space that people don’t want me to occupy. I am demanding that my body be accepted as it is and not what magazines and diet ads tell me it should be. I value body diversity and positivity, and being body positive means supporting ALL bodies. Producers should strive to offer gigs to BIPOC, fat, trans, and disabled dancers. As performers, we can encourage producers and other performers to demand more diversity. We can strive to nourish our political roots and show radical body positivity in our community. Our world is full of beautiful, unique, magnificent bodies and burlesque has the opportunity to celebrate those bodies in all of their glory.” – Honey Nightingale}

^{Honey Nightingale – Photos by Amanda Gagnon}

•••

^{“Burlesque to me is all about body positivity. I have grown up hating my body, and punishing myself with constant dieting or emotional eating. Over the last 20 years I have lost, and regained, over 100kg (not all at once). It never occurred to me to accept my body as it was, that it was enough, until I had been doing burlesque classes for about a year. I began to examine my internal dialogue, and have simply changed the conversation I have with myself. As soon as I criticise myself, I replace the thought with a positive one. I walk around telling myself I’m hot, and that my bum is my best feature. Burlesque as a practice has taught me to love the individual me, and given me more confidence than anything else I have done.” – Cherry Charleston}

Cherry Charleston – 50 year old burlesque performer | Cancer survivor | Body positivity advocate –
Photo by 42nd St Photography

•••

^{“As a male burlesque performer and being plus size my burlesque journey has been filled with love and support but it was an uphill challenge to gain not only acceptance from the audience but also fellow performers when I was starting out. I remember doing my first shows interstate and internationally walking into tech where I didn’t know anyone and no one knew me, I was viewed as the token boylesque and the plus size performer. Many of the performers on the bill had never seen me perform and I felt isolated and like I had a challenge to prove why I’m here and why I got booked for the show. It wasn’t until I performed that I felt accepted by them. A lot of my acts start out quite ‘tame’, which is done on purpose, I want the audience to think – oh he’s a nice dancer isn’t he or that’s a beautiful costume or his facial expressions are funny before I really let loose on stage and throw the audience through a loop with some crazy kicks, leaps and splits. I like to show them something they aren’t expecting from a plus size performer.”}

Trigger Happy on stage at Burlesque Idol Australia – Perth 2020 (Guest Performer & Judge) – Photo by Jason Matz Photography

^{“I’ve always been confident but I never had body confidence until I started performing boylesque- the thrill of audience members screaming and cheering for you while you take your clothes off onstage is exhilarating!” – Trigger Happy}

Not only are we seeing more and more diversity within the burlesque community with performers from all walks of life including gender, race, and background but we are also slowly starting to see disability being represented more and more. When you hear the word disability, you don’t really think sexy, sensual or desirable. Be honest, the majority out there don’t. There are many performers now shining a sparkly bright light out there and proving that any and all disabilities can be seen as sexy, sensual and desirable.

^{“I think it is very important to show that disabled people, especially women, are still able to be ‘sexy’ or sensual, there is such intense stigma that disabled people don’t like sex or have any form of sexuality and thats just not even close to true and we have the right to express that as much as anyone. So I think disbaled people in a traditionally able-bodied ‘sexy space’ is really critical for acceptance, that visibility can help change minds.”}

^{“I think burlesque is starting to become more aware of those with disabilities and I myself have been involved in a few shows about inclusiveness that featured disabled performers. I am also seeing that more disabled performers are getting booked for main stream shows which is wonderful and some shows are really working hard on accessible spaces.”}

^{“I am still ‘new’ to my disability, for lack of better words, I only started using my cane full time in the last two years or so and coming to terms with that through my perfomace art and using that as a form of visibility has become really important to me in helping me understand this identity. It really is hard to feel sexy sometimes when your body is failing you and everything hurts but burlesque reminds me that it is very important to channel that inner passion that can feel lost sometimes.” – Empress Eyrie}

^{Empress Eyrie – Photo by Starkiller Creations}

•••

^{“Being plus size in this society can be hard. Being disabled in this society can be harder. Being both is rough. Not only am I fighting what society thinks of me, but what I think of me. After leaving an abusive relationship, I knew I had to find something that made me happy – all of me. The burlesque, drag and cirque community is truly a community. Every size, shape, identity and color are included, represented and welcomed. Through burlesque I gained confidence, friends and a new purpose – shine a spotlight on performers with disabilities who are often overlooked.”}

^{“I noticed the lack of representation of people with in the cabaret community and its associated shows. After speaking with performers with varied life experiences in relation to ability, I realized that a festival exclusively for disabled performers would be important for helping performers feel included, seen and valued. It also would spread awareness and visibility for this underrepresented community. The DisabiliTease Festival will be a place where performers do not feel like the “token performer with disabilities” or as the one performer who is different from others in a show.” – Minda Mae}

There is beauty to be found in ALL bodies and ALL people. Be proud of who you are. You deserve to be seen, you deserve to take up space, you deserve respect no matter what. If people don’t like it then they can make the choice to look away. There is no need to pass judgement and speak your mind of distaste. Keep your lips zipped shut. Reserve your judgement for your own private thoughts or to a private conversation if you must (we are all guilty of this, don’t try to act like you are all high and mighty and have never done it). If you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say it at all. Simple.

There was a time (many years ago) that I would have allowed society to dictate to me how to look and even dress, always keeping up with the latest styles, trends and even diets, but not anymore. I am my own person now. I may seem like a bit of a ‘princess’ to some, and I’ve been judge by this. Regardless, I’ll proudly own it. I like to wear makeup (everyday), I remove almost all my body hair (this girl is as pale as a ghost with black hair), I colour my hair, I keep my nails manicured, I like to dress up, I like to wear sexy lingerie…. why? …. because I want to, because it makes me feel good, it makes me feel confident, it makes me happy. Full stop! This is me and I will not apologise for it. No, I’m not scared to be seen in public without my makeup on or hair done. There are plenty of photos on my Instagram fresh faced and makeup free. I don’t go to the gym fully made up…. and anyhow so what if I did. Stop that judgey eye roll, Karen. Whatever makes you feel like your ‘best’ self is all that should matter.

We all need to stop worrying so much about what society says we should look like, what is sexy, what is ‘healthy’. Stop comparing ourselves to others. Stop the negative thoughts from creeping into our heads. We are all unique, every one of us. Start accepting people for who they are and what they look like. Just be a nice person for shit sakes. What one person finds or deems attractive, another doesn’t and that’s ok. How you feel about yourself and how you see yourself in the mirror matters more than anything else. The pressures of society can be too much and sometimes extremely detrimental to your metal health and even physical health.

Call yourself plus size, curvy, skinny, roly poly, fit, even fat or whatever shape you want to identify as. Wear makeup, or don’t, tan, or don’t, shave/wax, or don’t, colour your hair, or don’t …. you do you, I’ll do me. Body positivity, confidence and self love grows from within. You need to find it for yourself. It’s your journey and it won’t be the same as anyone else’s.

My ultimate goal is to inspire, encourage and empower others on their own journey to body positivity, confidence and self love. Together we can

Crack the mirror of perfection!”

Love Delza xoxo

*Huge thank you to all the lovely people who helped contribute to this blog

Part 1 – Body Positivity and Confidence

Part 2 – Curve Loading

‘Crack The Mirror Of Perfection’

t-shirts available from my Etsy store

•••

Want to know more about me, check out my About Me page

June 30, 2020June 30, 2020

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Under House Arrest

Lockdown, quarantine, isolation, social distancing…. who would of thought this would ever happen in our life time…. but BAM! Corona hit, and hit hard, real fast.

This virus has impacted the entire world and has affected each and every one of us differently. From illness to plans being cancelled, isolated from loved ones, loss of jobs and income. Some have been affected more so than others but none the less we have all felt it.

When this all hit Australia with a whopping big slap in the face, I sure as hell felt it like a punch to the gut. First, shows that I had been booked to perform in were cancelled, then boarders were closed off meaning my trip to New Zealand to perform at The New Zealand Burlesque Festival was cancelled and the actual event itself was unfortunately cancelled too. My final dental surgery was postponed to months down the track. Beauty salons were put on the ban list and then kids were asked to stay home from school if possible. Now this may all seem like first world problems to most, and yeah I guess it is but when that all hit me it was hard to swallow. Which started a downward spiral into a depressive state. Everything had changed very rapidly and I was technically forced into unemployment but then made to work for free in a profession I am not qualified to do. Was this the start of something like ‘The Handmaid’s Tale’…. What on earth.

That’s right, I was now a school teacher. A primary and high school teacher. Lord help me. Having 1 child in primary school and 1 in high school made things extra hard. Just trying to teach 2 kids is hard enough, seriously anyone with more than 2, far out, are you still sane? So how did we all go? Cos I almost had a mental breakdown, not even kidding. I had one particular day there where I sat at the dining table with my face in my hands sobbing at the fact that if I fail at this then my kids fail…. yeah I know they will be fine, but at the time tensions were high. Oh and to all those who posted on social media about how amazing it was can go suck a ____ <how do I insert an eggplant emoji here>. I call bullshit on your perfect little study set ups and sneaky selfies sipping wine with your kids in the background working away peacefully. Be honest, you smashed back the whole bottle in one day. Ok, maybe I’m just a little bit jelly but really though, rub it in much.

Don’t get me wrong the teachers did an epically amazing job of getting all the school work online and offering a huge amount of support for the parents homeschooling their kids but it was still a lot to take on. My youngest was certainly easier than my eldest. Trying to navigate 3 different online platforms to get their school work and keep up with emails and messages from 10 or more teachers was a task in itself. However we pushed on through and made the most of it.

For the end of term 1 as everyone was starting to take their kids out of school and the online stuff was still being set up by the school I decided to make a daily schedule up to try and attempt some sort of routine. This actually worked really well but as term 2 rolled in and the school had made up the work packs, things changed. Again my youngest being in year 4 was far easier to deal with than my eldest who is in year 7. Trying to stick to the usual daily schedule he has at school and checking into each class as if he was there moving from class to class was beyond difficult. By the time we worked out what he needed to do for a class he literally had 10 minutes left before needing to move on to the next class. This caused an immense amount of stress and anxiety for my son which only made me more stressed.

I am very lucky that both of my kids are actually pretty smart little cookies but for my eldest dealing with the change and struggling to navigate the online schooling was made harder due to his anxiety and sensory issues, OCD, and motor processing disorder. At school he has access to EA help and also the school social worker. So yeah, homeschooling not so fun for me or the kids. I heard so many parents make the comment that teachers need a pay rise after all this as now us parents have experienced first hand what it’s like to be a teacher. Look teachers sure as hell went above and beyond to make things work during this time and had to adapt quickly to accommodate for kids at school still and kids being home schooled, heck yeah they deserve a bonus at least…. however can we all please remember that teachers not only get paid to teach our children but they are also qualified to do so, us parents on the other hand are not.

Mind you, as much as I found it hard trying to help my kids (not so much teach) with their school work and not knowing my way round some of those subjects, English I’m looking at you. Oh, I also forgot to mention the fact that my husband was away at work so this was all left to me to tackle solo. I was however delighted to help with one subject…. drum roll please…. Drama! When I read through the assignment details I was literally grinning from ear to ear, thinking <I’ve got this>. Stage lighting, props, characterization, facial expressions…. <Mumma got this one>. Going through and talking about all these things and watching my son become more and more interested and really enjoying learning about something that I love was the absolute best thing to experience (oh Lordy, now I’m crying like a baby) and worth every bit of stress that came before that.

*School work at the dining table and morning bike rides*

So, yes homeschooling was a huge stress and was definitely not at all within my skill set but there was good parts to having my kiddies home. Having the daily schedule in place to start off with meant going on daily walks/bike rides for exercise, gardening, outdoor adventures and cooking each day altogether. Plus one day my little man decided to do my makeup as part of ‘creative time’. We had so much fun filming that one. He did however turn me into the Joker, which of course I’m totally cool with.

Now, getting back to my downward spiral into a depressive state…. when COVID-19 set in and the whole of Australia was busy hoarding toilet paper (which I still don’t understand) I was dealing with huge adjustments and disappointments. Yeah, I know “it’s just the way things are now”. I found the worst part was the fact that this was what everyone would say, “it’s just the way the things are now”…. no shit Sherlock. Regardless of what is happening in the world, what is happening to you is still valid. Were we all of a sudden not allowed to feel anything or express our emotions. Seriously, I get that the whole world has come to a stand still and everyone is adjusting to the change and the panic of it all but being cut down and pretty much told that me being upset my surgery is cancelled, being angry my salon is banned from operating and I now have little to no income coming in, being stressed I’m having to home school my kids just doesn’t matter because “it’s just the way things are now”.

Holding all these feelings and emotions in only makes it worse. It took me a few long ass weeks to get my feelings in check and come to the realization that being pissed off about how my life had changed wasn’t going to make it any better. It was time to crawl out of my self loathing state and embrace the change, find ways to not only occupy my time (other than homeschooling) but also make me smile and have things to look forward to. It looked like I was going to be self isolating for a rather long time (5 weeks I didn’t leave the house other than to pick up or drop off my hubby at the airport – FIFO life) sooooo…. As lame (or cringy as my kids say) as it may be, I started making tiktok videos. I even got my friends to join in, by getting them to film at home and send to me to be edited together {you know the whole social distancing thing}. This got me doing my hair and make up each day, which makes me feel good. I even finally got onto starting my Etsy store selling t-shirts featuring custom designs inspired by body positivity and confidence. I also brought the Western Australia Burlesque community together in a ‘Pass The Glove’ challenge, and then went on to getting the whole of Australia onto doing a nation wide edition. That’s just to name a few things that got me out of my dark hole, and when I say dark hole I mean cosy warm bed.

Keeping busy and having stuff to do helps the time pass and also gives you a reason to get up and get moving each day. If I hadn’t of found something to do I legit would of stayed in my PJs all day watching Netflix and not really doing much more than I absolutely had to do. Well really I do have to get up each day anyhow, you know the whole Mum thing but other than that it would have been a Netflix and chill marathon. I don’t even think my friends realized how much Friday night online catch ups meant to me. It gave me something to look forward to, dress up for and drink wine for fun not to drown my sorrows.

I have never not worked. I went from high school to college and straight into working in a beauty salon then within a year to owning my own salon. I barely even take sick days let alone holidays and certainly not maternity leave. I don’t always work all day long but I pretty much work everyday, 7 days a week. So not working is new to me and I don’t like it one bit. I’m lucky that I’ve still be able to sell beauty products which provides a little bit of monies to help contribute to the household. I tell you what though having all this extra time up my sleeve has meant lots of spare time to spring clean, reorganize and redecorate my house. My front living room is finally transforming into a beautiful vintage sitting room which my friends have named ‘The Parlour’. Plus all those things my hubby said he would get to eventually, well that list is getting ticked off pretty quick now, because when he is home from work, where is he going….. nowhere {rubs hands together and laughs with a very evil tone, more evil than usual}.

As of right now, I’m doing pretty well. Soon (fingers crossed) salons will be allowed to reopen. There is going to be a lot of very hairy kitties heading my way in hoards (mental note, stock up on wax). I’ve actually left the house and got out of the car, yay. Kmart was calling for me lol. My kids are back at school and they are so much happier. Since the number was increased for group gatherings I’ve even been able to see my friends face to face altogether. The online catch ups were and still are amazing but seeing some one face to face is far better. It’s amazing how you appreciate the things you take for granted once you are forced to see them in another light. Seriously, I’ve never been so happy to live on 5 acres of land, having that space for my kids to run around, is a blessing, and also have my parents live right next door. I know there are so many people out there going through self isolation alone. I can’t even imagine how hard it would have been if I wasn’t able to see my family for weeks on end.

So, amongst the fear, panic buying, washing your hands hundreds of times a day and all of the unknown, we can get through this. Be there for one another, keep the love and support going, even after all of this and validate each others feelings. Remember that there is always someone worse off than you but what you are going through still matters because it matters to you. Check in with your friends, we are all dealing with this in such different ways. Some are embracing the isolation and others are struggling. As restrictions start to ease things will start to improve and eventually return to ‘normal’. Til then try your best to be kind and understanding and not hoard the darn TP like a bloody idiot.

Love Delza xoxo

**‘Crack The Mirror Of Perfection’ – Tee available via my Etsy store**

May 23, 2020May 23, 2020

delzaskye1 Comment

Have You Checked Your Hooha Lately?

Oh no, did I just say “hooha”? Did that spike your interest? Good. So let’s talk pussy, I mean vaginas….. eeekkk scary. Don’t be scared, vaginas are fascinating things. So, just to clarify…. as we know I am not a health professional so Im only going to address the topics I come across in my life. Being a Beauty Therapist specialising in waxing I see a lot of hoohas, yep you’re jealous right. Plus with my performing and modelling I also get a glance at many naked bodies. Yay for me…. seriously, I have the life. Im not even kidding.

Let’s not get carried away too quickly. Firstly, do you know how many of my clients have actually told me that they have never had a good look at their own vagina or more to the point, their vulva. Look let’s be honest who actually goes around calling it their vulva? “Send me a pic of your vulva”…. yeah nah…. “send me a pic of your pussy”…. yes, yes, much better lol. So what ever you call it, technical terms or slang, you know what I’m going on about. From now on I’m just going to refer to this body part as ‘kitty’. Are we all on board now?…. Good, great, wonderful.

Back to this whole shock horror of women not checking out their own kitties, what!!! Ladies c’mon, how do you not look at this. Like seriously you have to look at it at some point, in the mirror naked? Washing yourself? Taking a sexy pic? hmmmm…. Now I’m wondering if I’m in the minority here, sending kitty pics to my partner. I mean that is a normal thing right. Tinder peeps, help me out on this one, that’s got to be normal, right? Anyways, stick to the topic. Ladies for the love of all things holy and not, look at your darn kitty.

This part of your body {including internal parts attached} is absolutely wondrous, the giver of life, pleasure, oh and pain, how can we forget that part. Are you scared of how it looks? Is this the issue? I have mentioned visuals in a pervious blog {please refer to 1,2,3 Rip for more on this one}. Ok, ok, they aren’t the most amazing thing to look at but is a penis {insert eggplant emoji} any better. Im not overly sure these body parts were ever made for visual effect.

So, I really think all of us need to grab out a mirror and have good long look at our kitties. We all need a Charlotte moment right about now…. and if you are too young to get that reference I highly suggest you look that up ‘Sex And The City’ S2 E4 – The Real Me but for a visual reference right now see pic at the top of this post. That’s correct look at it, all of it.

I am a huge advocate for body confidence and positivity and I feel that this is something about ourselves that really gets overlooked, or more to the point never looked at. Loving our bodies just as they are is a hard thing to accomplish and something we more than likely will work on our entire lives, but learning to love our bodies includes all parts. Also, finding love for your body will help with finding the confidence to show your body to your partner, lover or even tinder hook up and ultimately impact any intimate times. Visually all kitties appear similar but not one is the same as another. They change as we get older, have children or suffer health issues. Some have lots of hair, others not so much or not at all {huge thanks to waxing or shaving}, some have skin pigmentation, moles, skin tags, stretch marks, all sorts of things factor into appearance. Not all kitties are neatly tucked away and more commonly the inner labia does poke out from the outer labia. Stop thinking your kitty isn’t pretty or isn’t what is considered to be ‘normal’. Normal is exactly what you have tucked between your thighs.

Not only is it good to learn to love and accept the appearance of your kitty but its also good to know when something changes. Being able to identify changes to the skin surface of your kitty and also notice any changes to the smell or fluids is really beneficial to your own health. Your Beauty Therapist shouldn’t know your kitty better than you do. Also, whilst we are on topic of health…… big shout out to pap smears. Serious time…. Far too many of you are too darn scared to go see a doctor and get a pap smear done. There is absolutely no need to be scared or embarrassed. For that very brief moment of showing your kitty to your Doctor could save your life.

Now, go get those mirrors out and enjoy the view for exactly what it is, not what you think it’s meant to look like. Happy hooha viewing ladies.

Love Delza xoxo

April 9, 2020

delzaskye1 Comment

1, 2, 3 and rip

Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about waxing but too shy to ask.

There are all sorts of ‘taboo’ things that happen within the walls of a beauty salon. Waxing being the main one. Waxing? You ask. Well I’m here to throw some light on this hush hush topic and answer the questions you may be to shy to ask for yourself.

Being in the beauty industry for just over 20 years now, I’ve seen and heard all sorts of things and it has made me numb to most of those things and I find I’m having to remind myself that others are super shy to ask a question about or book in for such taboo things.

I feel this will be best if I just be blunt and say it how it is. Please keep in mind this is coming from my personal experiences from my time working in a beauty salon and that I have limited services offered to men, so please take no offence my skill set in intimate areas is solely focused on female parts. I have not been trained in the art of waxing doodles and balls [yes, this is something you do need to be trained in]. That being said, let’s jump right on in….

Waxing…. waxing of the intimate areas. Now, getting a Brazilian wax these days is not considered taboo, but in fact a completely ‘normal’ salon treatment. But, it’s the butt [hehe pun 100% intended], yes, that’s correct, getting your booty waxed and I mean butthole. Yep, totally just said butthole. Now, this again is an absolutely normal salon treatment and I offer it as part of getting a Brazilian wax done. I, however do still ask if the client wants this area waxed or not, instead of just rolling them to the side and asking them to spread their cheeks. So why is this still classed as ‘taboo’ if it’s also classed as ‘normal’ ? Well, would you believe this area makes a lot of clients either blush, make shock horror faces at me or begs the question as to why you would get this done or need it done.

Many years ago I would pussy foot around the answer to this until one day I thought to hell with it, just be honest. Again, this is my opinion based on my own personal experiences and discussions within the salon. Ok, so heads up, a few home truths, there is hair there, yes, hair on and around the butt hole. The amount varies from person to person but there is hair there, trust me. You’ve just waxed all the hair from the outer part of your vagina area which is rather close to your bottom area. So you can bet your bottom dollar [again, pun intended] I’ve seen that there is hair there and trust me I’ve waxed down as far as I can reach, for now. Ok, I’m going to get personal here, continue reading with caution….

Deep breathe …. when one is naked, whilst being intimate or not do you or have you ever bent over in a doggy styled position? I’m guessing you have at one time or another. In this position I’m sure you can imagine that your naked booty is on display for all whom are in the room, am I right? Now, think to yourself, what is said person or people [no judgement here, the more the merrier] looking at? You can bet your ass [I’m on fire with puns] they are NOT looking at the ceiling and to the best of my knowledge they are looking directly at the peach and thinking of how they can ummmmmm….. use your imagination before I turn this into a porno, but you get the idea. Now, it’s up to you to make the decision if you wish to have a fuzzy peach or not.

Alrighy then, now that that has been addressed you can now understand as to why one would want and/or need to wax their butt. It is also very normal for not only the butt hole and ass crack to be waxed but also the butt cheeks. So, do not fear having hair in these places is as normal as having hair on your pussy and I don’t mean your cat.

Body hair, we all have it. Again, this varies from person to person. Please be assured that body hair is very normal. The amount of hair and the colour of the hair can vary for all sorts of reasons, [some examples: genetics, hormones or illness]. Hormones can cause hair growth on areas that weren’t particularly hairy before [for example: on women, the chin area, sides of the face, back, stomach and backs of legs or thighs and even the nipple area]. I have seen all of this many many times and you can be assured that asking for these areas or any area to be waxed is 100% normal.

Let’s get to the frequently asked questions and the do’s and don’ts of salon etiquette when you are booked in for a wax, particularly for intimate areas. Firstly, use the baby wipes provided. Even if you just had a shower, use the wipes. When your Beauty Therapist tells you there are baby wipes there, they aren’t offering it as an option, it’s a request. Use them, we thank you in advance. If the hair down below on your kitty [again, not your cat] is a little on the over grown side, please trim before you come to your appointment, we are not hairdressers and do not want to cut your over grown pubic hair for you. If it’s that time of the month, yes you can still be waxed, please put a tampon in and tuck the string between the inner labia, so that the string is not hanging out. You do not want that caught in the wax. If you have a piercing down below let your Beauty Therapist know, sometimes we can’t see it until it’s too late. Again, you do not want wax getting caught on that. For the love of all things holy [pun hehe] please do NOT have sex and come [hehe pun again] to your waxing appointment with cum inside you, yes it dribbles out. Yes, you can wear your knickers or G-string during your waxing treatment, however please be aware that there is a chance you could get wax on the fabric. So perhaps don’t wear your super expensive sexy lace underwear. Yes, you can still be wax during your pregnancy, some women find it slightly more painful and some find it less painful. Finally…. Yes, it hurts but not nearly as much as you may expect and different areas of the body feel pain differently.

So what is the difference between having a bikini line wax and a Brazilian wax? Now, this can be described by many different salons as different things and different names but I like to keep it pretty basic. A bikini line wax is waxing the hair from the area outside of your normal everyday knickers, briefs or bikini, hence the name bikini line. An extended bikini wax is waxing the area outside of your G-string area including a little off the top. So not all off but tapered in nicely. Then there is the Brazilian wax. This can be removing all hair completely off or a thin triangle shape left at the top, with all of the underneath hair removed from the outer labia and of course the butt hole and butt crack too. I have many clients who still opt for having the bottom area waxed even if not getting a Brazilian, so this is also an option. Many clients also get their tummy or ‘snail trail’ done as part of any type of intimate area wax.

Another ‘taboo’ question relating to the intimate areas of a woman. Do vaginas all look different? Damn right they all look different. I mean they are all similar in aesthetic, they are all vaginas after all, but yes, they are all different. Seriously, here’s the biggest wow….. an ‘outy’ is more common than an ‘inny’, OMG mind blown! To be more direct, it is very common and 100% normal if your inner labia sticks out or is larger than your outer labia, creating what is known as an ‘outy’. So ladies please stop thinking this is weird or abnormal because it is NORMAL!

Well that was a lot to take in. Did I shock you? Did I make you a giggle? I hope so, because I was giggling as I was writing it. I know, I’m so hilarious, aren’t I. I hope that I gave you a good insight into my life as a waxing professional and answered a lot of those ‘taboo’ questions you’ve been dying to ask. Please don’t be nervous or shy to ask a question that may seem taboo, the chances are your Beauty Therapist has answered that same question many times over. I myself am happy to answer any question, no matter how blush worthy it may be.

-Delza Skye xoxo

August 30, 2019June 11, 2020

delzaskye2 Comments

A Juggling Act

How do I do it?

Be a Mum, a wife, a friend, work, and still find time to be me….. well it isn’t always easy. It is definitely a juggling act.
I think I’m finally getting the hang of it but, it’s still a work in progress.

There is many times where I cry or scream or completely loose my s*#t. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve felt like a failure. Seriously, where is the reset button? If only you could go back and get a do over…. but that’s not how life works. We have to push forward, learn from our mistakes and hope to do better in the future and yes, you are going to make mistakes, like a lot of mistakes.

I have two gorgeous boys, who are 10 and 8. I like to say that this age is a good age. Both in fulltime school, no car seats or prams, not little boys but not too grown up either. Happy to be seen holding my hand and will always give me a hug and a kiss in front of their friends. However, still cause me to pull my hair out on a regular basis. Seriously, how many times do I have to ask them to get dressed for school….. but that’s kids hey.

My husband works FIFO (fly in out fly out) on a really good roster of one week on and one week off. I have a beauty salon that I run from home which is great for flexible hours and I also do photography part time. Plus I’m a burlesque performer which is mainly evening hours which is a little harder when my hubby is away at work. I think we do a pretty good job of looking after the kids between us but sometimes we need help and that’s when its time to call in the grandparents (thank heavens for grandparents) or babysitters.

So at this stage in life things are running fairly smoothly (for now anyways), but this was not always the case and I’ve found over the years that trying to make everything work at the same time often means dropping the ball on one or more things. There are only so many hours in a day to fit in work (those bills aren’t going to pay themselves), time with my kids, time with my hubby, time as a family and with extended family, time with friends, time for the gym and time for me. Plus housework, homework, paperwork ……… far out and try to eat a balanced diet (note: this includes donuts, wink wink) and sleep enough hours………… I’m exhausted!

Over the years I have tried and failed more times than I can count and usually have someone annoyed at me because I’m “too busy” for them. I am the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve and cares (sometimes far too much) about others. I am never “too busy” for something or someone but I do have a busy a life so I can’t just drop everything. Believe me I will try my absolute best to do everything and it’s a hard thing for me to say “no”. So if I say “no”, trust me it’s because I really can’t.

Many times I’ve pushed myself beyond exhaustion trying to do everything. This is not good for your physical health or mental health. I have suffered depression and anxiety over the years which I manage to hide away from most people because <my feelings and words> I don’t like to feel like a burden on anyone. This again is not a good thing. Bottling up all of this only makes things worse. A lot of my relationships have suffered from this. A few years ago it got so bad that I put my marriage at risk and even managed to push my best friend away to a point that no matter how hard I’ve tried I think that relationship is over, which believe me is not easy to get over, if I even ever do. All because it was easier to hide my feelings than talk about them.

Even when I was pregnant with my second baby, I worked so many hours that I literally landed myself in hospital and was told enough is enough. So, juggling all aspects of your life is hard. Making time for everyone and everything but also learning to say the big fat scary word “no” is a lesson in itself. One I’m still struggling to learn myself.

When my kids were younger I owned and operated a day spa in the lobby of a city hotel and hubby worked away on a 2/1 roster. Two weeks at a time on my own with the kids still working and commuting to the city most days rushing around doing daycare and school drop offs then rushing back for pick up was not an easy task. Relying, at times, heavily on family to help with the kids while I worked, because of the late nights and weekend work.

So many people ask “how did you do it?”, well you just do what you have to because no one else is going to do it. I did however reach a point where I knew my kids needed me there more and I couldn’t put the time into the salon as much as it needed. Something had to change. So I made the hard decision to sell the salon and set up from home. This meant I would have the flexibility to take the kids to school and pick them up, take them to weekend sports, go on excursions, go to school assemblies and also have time with my hubby on his week off.

Best decision ever! This was the first step into making my life so much easier. I had spent 14 years putting everything I had into my day spa, it was my baby before I had my babies, so it wasn’t easy to say goodbye to, but oh my goodness the sense of relief was overwhelming. I now had so much more time to focus on my family and also finally have time for myself. That’s right ladies, even if you are a mum you are allowed ‘me time’. So many mums I know I don’t give themselves any ‘me time’. I truly believe this is really good for your mental health. At the end of the day you were someone before becoming a mum.

Make time for you, self love is very important. Yes, I know you are very busy but I find doing something for myself makes me, in a sense, a better mum and wife. I’m not just a mum and a wife, I’m me. I started getting into the pinup and burlesque community about 4-5 years ago not thinking I would ever make some what of a career out of something that was, at the start, just a hobby. For me it was an escape from ‘mum life’. I found new friends and found confidence in myself and the way I looked at myself [see blog post – Body Positivity and Confidence]. Even just making time to go to the shops on your own (what a breathe of fresh air that is), or soaking in a bubble bath with a glass of wine is ‘me time’. You deserve it.

I try my best to have some sort of routine for my boys but it does get hard trying to juggle salon appointments and with hubby working away then home every second week does throw off the routine. We try to make it work but sometimes it all goes to s*#t and my anxiety hits all time highs and I end up yelling, crying and swearing like a sailor. It’s not pretty. Just ask my hubby <insert evil laugh>.

I am far from perfect and I’ll be honest for the most part I keep everything together but I do have moments when the house of cards starts to crumble. However, I have found that as the kids have gotten older and are more self sufficient things have become increasingly “easier”. Maybe you get better at handling things as the years go by. Maybe I’ve gotten better at being independent as my hubby isn’t always home. I’m not sure, but I do know that even the people who look like they have it altogether have days where they are screaming and yelling too.

Do any of us really have it altogether? Life is hard, relationships are hard, being a parent is hard but as corny as it sounds , it’s all worth it. Remember that there will always be crappy times, hard times, ok times and good times, but the good will always out weigh the bad. Do your best, don’t compare yourself to someone else. You don’t know how well they are handling things and what goes on in their life. Focus on your own life and living it how you want to and seriously, try not to beat yourself up too much when things don’t go “right”.

-Delza Skye xoxo

February 15, 2019

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BODY POSITIVITY & CONFIDENCE

Why is it so hard for the majority of us to love our bodies?

To most people I come across very confident and happy in my own skin. This was not always the case….

I won’t lie, it’s taken me the last 3 and a bit years to love mine and even now I still have days where I have a severe dislike for my body. That’s what we do though, isn’t it? But who taught us to think this way? Why is the first thing we look at in the mirror or in a photo is what we consider our ‘worst parts’?

I’m in my mid 30’s now and if I could go back and talk to my 20 something year old self I would give her one hell of a stern talking to, to put it lightly. I was a size 6 to 8 (aus sizing) and I told myself I was fat. I’m now pretty much double that size, being a size 12, and I’m so much happier. My thighs have always touched (just the way I’m built) and I’ve always had a round booty, does that make me fat though? I look back at photos now and can’t understand how I ever thought this {shaking my head right now}.

I have so many ladies in their 20s that come into my salon complaining about their bodies. About cellulite (ladies we all have cellulite, to some degree), stretch marks (from growing in our teens, gaining weight, or pregnancy) and ‘wobbly’ bits (again a normal thing). Now most of these ladies are at least ten years younger than me and most have not had children. In my head I’m thinking to myself, hmmmm just wait til you are my age and have had a few babies. Then I say to them “you need to learn to love your body now, in 10 years time you are going to want to go back and slap your 20 year old self for ever thinking anything was wrong with your body”.

So, after having two babies in my late 20s I really hit an all time body loathing moment in my life. My body had changed, I had extra cellulite and stretch marks plus I had put on weight. All completely normal things that can happen when you have a baby. Then looking at pre-baby photos it really hit hard that my body was amazing back then and I took it for granted and hated on it, why did I do that, I’d give anything to look like again {sob sob}. It took some time from then to convince myself that I needed to learn to love my body because it’s the only one I have and I’m going to have for many more years. Accepting that I can’t go back to how it was but knowing I could work on getting it close to that I started working out. This was not the easiest thing to do with a baby, a toddler, a husband that works FIFO and a salon to run….. however I did my best. Oh gosh, just thinking now the things I did. When you are sleep deprived, have limited time and options, you do what you can.

Moving on, once I started to loose some of the weight and started feeling not only healthier but happier, I then started to feel better about my body. It wasn’t until a friend took me to see a burlesque show and planted the idea in my head that I could one day be on stage just like these performers. At first I was like no way in hell am I ever doing that. Flash forward a year and bit and I find myself signing up for a burlesque class. Completely out of my comfort zone and 100% crapping myself but guess what I did it and I never looked back.

A lot of people ask me “how are you so confident?” well this is where I finally found my body confidence. This is where I learned to love my body again. Burlesque has changed the way I see myself. It didn’t happen straight away but week after week I felt more and more confident. I’m not saying burlesque is for everyone or that this is the solution but it’s what got me out of that state of mind of disliking my body to finding a new love for it. My point is more about trying something new, something scary, something that pulls you out of your comfort zone.

Which brings me to the next big thing that changed the way I felt about showing my body in public. I know what you are thinking right now, I take my clothes off on stage, yes I do…. but I never go bare legged. I always wear stockings. Those darn thighs! This part of my body has been the hardest to find love for. No matter what size I am or have been they have always been ‘big’ and now at my age there is cellulite, more than before, and spider veins {insert sad face}. I have made so many excuses to get out of putting a bathing suit on for many years. I actually feel incredibly guilty that because of my own body issues it stopped me from enjoying beach days or going to the pools with my family and friends. Then this happened…. I was asked to take part in a body positivity photo shoot. Women of all different shapes, sizes and ages. I was so scared and nervous, not only would I be in a bikini but someone would be taking photos.

Big pat on the back to myself, I did it. I felt an amazing sense of accomplishment and felt so free from being so self conscious about my legs. A week later I got in my bathers, no makeup, messy hair and went to a water park with my little family and a group of friends and I didn’t worry how I looked or who was looking at me….. and I had fun! Yes, FUN!

Have patience with yourself, this isn’t an over night thing. It takes time and what works for one person doesn’t always work for another. Life is too short to hide yourself away. Don’t spend so much time worrying about how you look and just enjoy life. Believe me in 10 years from now you will look back with much kinder eyes and love what you see and wish you didn’t say such hurtful things about yourself. You are you, and you are amazing!

-Delza Skye xoxo

January 1, 2019June 29, 2020

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Body positivity and confidence part 4

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Please note : everything I write comes from my own personal knowledge, experiences and conversations with my friends and clients. I am not an expert nor claim to be. Along with being an advocate for body positivity and confidence, I am also a sex positive Advocate.

her vagesty

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Body Positivity and Confidence part 3

What is perfection? Who decides what is or isn’t perfect? Should society depict what and how we should or shouldn’t look?

*Huge thank you to all the lovely people who helped contribute to this blog

‘Crack The Mirror Of Perfection’

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Want to know more about me, check out my About Me page

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Everything you’ve ever wanted to know about waxing but too shy to ask.

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