Please note : everything I write comes from my own personal knowledge, experiences and conversations with my friends and clients. I am not an expert nor claim to be. Along with being an advocate for body positivity and confidence, I am also a sex positive Advocate.
Please be up standing as our new Queen makes her entrance. ‘Her Vagesty’ is here and deserves that crown. She deserves your love. She deserves your time and attention. She is your vulva!
That’s right we are talking vulvas again, but as previously mentioned in ‘Have You Checked Your Hooha Lately‘, vulva isn’t the sexiest name, yes it’s the technical name but meh not screaming sex appeal. I had decided to call it ‘kitty’ but recently it has come to my attention that there is a whole new name that has appeared ‘Her Vagesty’. I am absolutely loving this so much. Ladies we all need to be treating our vulvas like royalty.
“I am certain I cannot be the only one who has called their or someone’s vulva ‘her Vagesty’. It is simply too good of a word – in fact, I just did a quick Google and found an embroidery kit called “Royal Vagesty Embroidery Kit for Beginners”… I have my Sunday night sorted.
I’ve been calling my own vulva ‘her Vagesty’ for about 5 years now and I highly encourage others to join in and help spread the word. It’s a great word, because so often I feel that vulva’s end up being insulted or the butt of the joke and I wanted a name that felt inspiring and noble.
I’m not sure if vulvas need to be worshiped, but I’m not about to tell you NOT to kneel in front of one. But you should definitely treat your own Vagesty kindly and with respect, as they are all very Vajestic.” – Bobbie Apples
I would however like to make a very strong and valid point that even though I’m going to be calling my vulva and all vulvas ‘her vagesty’ or ‘vagesty’……please please, I beg of you, please teach your children that it is a vulva! We should be teaching our children the true name VULVA. All these other names are just nick names. Just needed to clear that up.
I’m finding as I’m getting older that my circle of friends are more open about discussing all things vulva and sex related. However when I was younger it was far more taboo. Could just be more circle of friends (we are all pretty much extroverts) but we sure aren’t shy about telling each other about our private lives. Which is rather refreshing to be able to feel comfortable enough to talk openly about what could be considered embarrassing topics. So this is why I sometimes write about ‘taboo’ topics. In hopes of opening up that conversation barrier.
Now, I’m going to jump right on in and go straight to the real embarrassing stuff, the things no one really openly talks about…. brace yourself….. masturbation….. oooooo so shocking. Yep, that’s right. We all know guys do it and if they say they don’t then we all know they are more than likely lying [insert laughter]. So ladies you should be jumping into it too. Don’t be ashamed, we all need to feel that release from time to time, or even everyday. Hey, it feels good. Not only does her vagesty deserve some one on one attention from her owner but also, this is one of the best ways to figure out what you like, how you like to be touched, how you ultimately ‘cum’ to climax (yeah I wrote that, because I’m super immature, giggle giggle). You can’t expect your sexual partner/s to know what you like if you don’t. Get in touch with yourself by touching yourself.
Is masturbation and/or sex good for your mental health?
“It can be but it can also be harmful. Some individuals within our society have been taught throughout their lives that sex and especially masturbation is sinful, dirty and wrong. This can in turn negatively affect mental health through rising anxiety, guilt and depression. For such individuals, until they change their thought patterns and unpack a lot of long term learnt guilt, masturbation can lead to some serious psychological disfunctions.
On the other hand, masturbation can make an individual feel really good about themselves and even relieve issues such as stress and disrupted sleeping patterns. When you masturbate, your brain released endorphins or “happy hormones” which make you feel really good, which is why sex, orgasms and masturbation can be mood boosters. However, they cannot cure illnesses such as depression or anxiety and individuals should speak to mental health professionals to discuss such issues.” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist and Sex Health Therapist.
Some women will climax from clitoral stimalulation, others from g-spot stimulation and penetration, and some can either which way. Some women struggle to climax on their own, let alone with someone, and this is why it’s so important to figure out what you like and how you can climax. Sex is fun, but when you get that epic orgasm, ohhh wow it’s amazing. Trust me, you want this. Having your partner smash away at you isn’t always going to get you there. This isn’t anything that you are doing wrong really but just the lack of knowing what works for you. Tell your partner/s, or take control. If you need to jump on top and ride them like you’re at a rodeo, then giddy up.
Sex toys, yep I’m going there. Don’t be scared, they are fun. Yes, fun! Seriously why just use your fingers to touch yourself when there are toys out there that do the work for you. If you have never tried a good little bullet vibrator, I suggest you look into these, legit changed my life. (Please do your research on these and any sex toy before purchasing and using). Never be scared to try new things out, life’s to short to have mediocre orgasms.
“The vulva is a wonderful source of pleasure. Every vulva is different, but we all have variations of the same parts. We all know and love the clitoris with over 8000 nerve endings, it’s very sensitive and can bring on that wonderful orgasm you so deserve. Never be too rough on the vulva when engaging in sexual pleasure; over stimulation can lose you an orgasm so take it easy. When using toys, objects or fingers for pleasurable stimulation, make sure they are made out of nonporous materials, they are clean and that nothing is sharp (such as fingernails).” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist & Sex Health Therapist
Which brings me to the fact that I hear far too many women say that their (male) partners aren’t keen on sex toys being used during intercourse. Like for example pulling out a clitoral stimulator to tickle their clit whilst their partner is penetrating them. Like seriously guys, it’s not because you aren’t doing a good job, sometimes we want that extra boost to our climax. Don’t get upset, get interested, ask questions. Use them with us, on us, have fun.
“When it comes to sex toys, it really depends on the individual and their relationship. Sex toys can be great when they are used consensually, respectfully and properly. They can enhance pleasure, “spice things up”, explore new fantasies and help those who are not able-bodied.” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist & Sex Health Therapist
Communicate with your sexual partner/s about what you do and don’t like and also even things you may want to try. We all have our fetishes and fantasies, there is absolutely no shame in that. Be adventurous, again life is too darn short for bad or boring sex. Also, just a little suggestion from me personally (It’s a suggestion not a request, don’t go arranging a tinder hook up every night, unless you want to…. then totally do it), have sex often (with your partner/s or alone). Make time for it. We all have stuff going on and we are all tired, but seriously make the time.
“I started Pure Romance after attending a party and seeing how focused the consultant and the organisation was on their motto of Empower, Educate and Entertain… concepts that match my way of thinking and align with my core values. I am passionate about helping people in general as I work in suicide prevention by day, so I saw this as a unique opportunity to enact change in my other passion, healthy and safe sexual liberation for women.
At first, I found it uncomfortable talking about sex, lubes, penetration, fantasies etc as I’m a closet prude (queue laughter as no one ever believes me). Through practice and seeing how open women become when I discuss these topics so openly and without judgement, it has become something that I am very proud of being able to do. These are topics that NEED to be discussed as women deserve to be able to share their thoughts, desires, concerns or anything they bloody well want to discuss when it comes to sex without fear of being slut shamed or judged.
Selling sex toys, lubes and body products is a small part of what I do. I sell a safe place for discussion, an opportunity to have fun around like minded women, the idea that you can try new things and experiment – all with the ultimate goal of selling sexual liberation with no judgement. Im pretty proud of that.” – Maya aka ‘Coco Corbeau‘ – Pure Romance Consultant : Facebook – Pure Romance With Maya
Exploring your body in a sexual, pleasurable manner is nothing to get all coy about. Enjoy your body and the pleasures it has to offer. I’m pretty sure it’s a proven fact that sex and masturbation is good for helping relieve stress and can even help you sleep better. I definitely read that somewhere. Or maybe I just know from experience.
So, now that we have all the embarrassing sex stuff out the way let’s move on to the next embarrassing topic…. keeping her vagesty clean and healthy. I see many vagesties on a daily basis when they come in for the old growth forest removal each month. So you can imagine the things I see. I’ve been a Beauty Therapist for over 20 years now and for the most part I’ve had nice clean vagesties in my salon but there is the odd one or two that aren’t so well looked after. Boy, I could tell you some stories.
Beauty salon tip : if there is baby wipes provided to you in the beauty room, please use the wipes. They are not optional, they are a must. Us Beauty Therapists appreciate the little extra clean right before we pour hot wax over your vagesty. For further tips please read my blog on waxing 1, 2, 3 and Rip.
Ladies it is so important to keep your vagesty (your vulva, to be exact when we are talking specifics here) clean and healthy. Clean yourself the right way and don’t over clean, that can cause issues. Been there, done that (not pleasant). For the love of all things holy and not, do not shove things like essential oils up your vagesty. Yes, I checked with experts on this, don’t do it. Keep it simple. Your vagesty is a self cleaning organ. Fascinating, right. But still use the baby wipes before your waxing treatment (wink wink).
“Ladies, let’s start with the golden rule, the ‘post coital void’ YES it’s a thing, and yes it is very important. The acidity of our urine has the ability to kill any nasty germs that may pass during coitus, no this does not include STI’s but it does kill those nasty bugs that can cause urinary tract/bladder infections and thrush. Even if you can only manage a small wee in the loo after the deed it will be enough to help.
Hey Demi, how do I clean Her Vagesty? What a great question, there are so many products out there claiming to ‘refresh’ your love muffin, but these can cause a disruption to the natural bacteria living within, its best to stick to water only and pat dry with a towel.
What’s that smell? Have you ever been concerned that it just doesn’t smell right down there? It could be a sign of an STI or bacterial disturbance. If you have a persistent smell, discharge or itch it is best to speak with your GP and don’t put it off!!
My final piece of advice, “If its not on, it’s NOT on” I have seen it all and trust me it is never pretty. Condoms are the safest way to protect yourself from STI’s but please double wrapping is not, I repeat not advised, it can cause friction between the 2 rubbers and gives greater chance of them tearing. So, protect hervagisty and treat her like the royalty that she is.” – Madame Demi Diva – Submarine Medic
Don’t act like vagesties are gross in any way. Yeah, ok they don’t look visually stunning but in their defense they look the way they do for a reason. All that boring medical stuff that I’m no expert on. Vagesties are amazing, and until you try one, (yep you catch my drift, I’m not as vanilla as you may think), don’t knock it. No, there’s nothing wrong with being vanilla. Vanilla just means you can add all the toppings and flavours you want til you find the perfect combination that suits you. You getting what I’m putting down.
Your vagesty is a Queen. Give her the time and attention she so royally deserves. Get to know her, explore her, enjoy her. If you ever feel like you are turning into a ‘Karen’, maybe you need a good stress relief (you know what I mean by now).
Your vulva and all vulvas alike, from this day forward, will now be referred to as ‘Her Vagesty’, the royal kitty from down under (between your legs). Still teach your kids that it’s correct name is vulva (wink wink). Worship her and she will reward you with pleasures aplenty.
Love Delza xoxo
- Special mention to Miss MonMon for all her expert advice and knowledge added to this article.
“When it comes to sex and sexual health, there is no “one answer fits all” and I really need to stress that point. If you are reading this and taking it as a definitive answer, it could end up effecting your physical, mental and emotional health so I advise discussing everything with either a doctor, therapist or mental health professional. I can’t give a tailored answer and definitely do not try to diagnose yourself” – Miss MonMon : Sexologist & Sex Health Therapist
* This is directed at providing some insight and knowledge on the topic of vulvas. This is not an advice article. Everything mentioned is based on my own personal knowledge, experiences and thoughts. Quotes have been provided from others on their own personal knowledge, experiences and expertise. No one was paid for this information.