BODY POSITIVITY & CONFIDENCE

Why is it so hard for the majority of us to love our bodies?

To most people I come across very confident and happy in my own skin. This was not always the case….

I won’t lie, it’s taken me the last 3 and a bit years to love mine and even now I still have days where I have a severe dislike for my body. That’s what we do though, isn’t it? But who taught us to think this way? Why is the first thing we look at in the mirror or in a photo is what we consider our ‘worst parts’?

I’m in my mid 30’s now and if I could go back and talk to my 20 something year old self I would give her one hell of a stern talking to, to put it lightly. I was a size 6 to 8 (aus sizing) and I told myself I was fat. I’m now pretty much double that size, being a size 12, and I’m so much happier. My thighs have always touched (just the way I’m built) and I’ve always had a round booty, does that make me fat though? I look back at photos now and can’t understand how I ever thought this {shaking my head right now}.

I have so many ladies in their 20s that come into my salon complaining about their bodies. About cellulite (ladies we all have cellulite, to some degree), stretch marks (from growing in our teens, gaining weight, or pregnancy) and ‘wobbly’ bits (again a normal thing). Now most of these ladies are at least ten years younger than me and most have not had children. In my head I’m thinking to myself, hmmmm just wait til you are my age and have had a few babies. Then I say to them “you need to learn to love your body now, in 10 years time you are going to want to go back and slap your 20 year old self for ever thinking anything was wrong with your body”.

So, after having two babies in my late 20s I really hit an all time body loathing moment in my life. My body had changed, I had extra cellulite and stretch marks plus I had put on weight. All completely normal things that can happen when you have a baby. Then looking at pre-baby photos it really hit hard that my body was amazing back then and I took it for granted and hated on it, why did I do that, I’d give anything to look like again {sob sob}. It took some time from then to convince myself that I needed to learn to love my body because it’s the only one I have and I’m going to have for many more years. Accepting that I can’t go back to how it was but knowing I could work on getting it close to that I started working out. This was not the easiest thing to do with a baby, a toddler, a husband that works FIFO and a salon to run….. however I did my best. Oh gosh, just thinking now the things I did. When you are sleep deprived, have limited time and options, you do what you can.

Moving on, once I started to loose some of the weight and started feeling not only healthier but happier, I then started to feel better about my body. It wasn’t until a friend took me to see a burlesque show and planted the idea in my head that I could one day be on stage just like these performers. At first I was like no way in hell am I ever doing that. Flash forward a year and bit and I find myself signing up for a burlesque class. Completely out of my comfort zone and 100% crapping myself but guess what I did it and I never looked back.

A lot of people ask me “how are you so confident?” well this is where I finally found my body confidence. This is where I learned to love my body again. Burlesque has changed the way I see myself. It didn’t happen straight away but week after week I felt more and more confident. I’m not saying burlesque is for everyone or that this is the solution but it’s what got me out of that state of mind of disliking my body to finding a new love for it. My point is more about trying something new, something scary, something that pulls you out of your comfort zone.

Which brings me to the next big thing that changed the way I felt about showing my body in public. I know what you are thinking right now, I take my clothes off on stage, yes I do…. but I never go bare legged. I always wear stockings. Those darn thighs! This part of my body has been the hardest to find love for. No matter what size I am or have been they have always been ‘big’ and now at my age there is cellulite, more than before, and spider veins {insert sad face}. I have made so many excuses to get out of putting a bathing suit on for many years. I actually feel incredibly guilty that because of my own body issues it stopped me from enjoying beach days or going to the pools with my family and friends. Then this happened…. I was asked to take part in a body positivity photo shoot. Women of all different shapes, sizes and ages. I was so scared and nervous, not only would I be in a bikini but someone would be taking photos.

Big pat on the back to myself, I did it. I felt an amazing sense of accomplishment and felt so free from being so self conscious about my legs. A week later I got in my bathers, no makeup, messy hair and went to a water park with my little family and a group of friends and I didn’t worry how I looked or who was looking at me….. and I had fun! Yes, FUN!

Have patience with yourself, this isn’t an over night thing. It takes time and what works for one person doesn’t always work for another. Life is too short to hide yourself away. Don’t spend so much time worrying about how you look and just enjoy life. Believe me in 10 years from now you will look back with much kinder eyes and love what you see and wish you didn’t say such hurtful things about yourself. You are you, and you are amazing!

-Delza Skye xoxo